koko-wa-umi

[koko-wa-umi]

Maomao: ugh why does Jinshi insist on pursuing me I don't even like him

Also Maomao: this person can't even know I'm actually surprised, Jinshi would have understood my slightly furrowed brow. Ugh this other guy is too slow at understanding where I'm going with my investigations, Jinshi would get it faster. This girl is so beautiful, but not as beautiful as Jinshi.

[koko-wa-umi]

relaxing n reading (◍•ᴗ•◍)

[koko-wa-umi]

#frieren save me

[koko-wa-umi]

Daily Mirror, England, January 23, 1923 Image © The British Library Board. All Rights Reserved.

[koko-wa-umi]

★ 【イリーシア】 「 frieren & himmel 」 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me on twitter

[koko-wa-umi]

"Wasn't it a mirrored lotus design ring? In the language of flowers it means 'Eternal Love'."

"Does it? I didn't know. It doesn't matter. I doubt Himmel knew what it meant either."

[koko-wa-umi]

Sousou no Frieren is indeed the Natsume Yuujincho of Tolkien-esque anime, I'm honestly in love with it

#sousou no frieren

[koko-wa-umi]

Innamorati

My entry for the Resonant Waves tartali zine (2021)

[koko-wa-umi]

Happy birthday Kim Dokja! Thank you for your story.

the text is the poem "If I Can Stop One Heart from Breaking" by Emily Dickinson

[koko-wa-umi]

brought some fruit for the potluck

[koko-wa-umi]

shout out to everyone who participated in the january-february mass depressive episode

[koko-wa-umi]

it IS super funny that orv starts out like "hoo hee i'm just a normal self-inserty power fantasy protagonist! my name is literally 'reader!' just an office worker turned action hero you can project onto slash look up to 🥰" and then very quickly shows that 1. no the fuck he isn't and 2. the story is a detailed interrogation of the nature of self-insert escapist power fantasy. and then the endgame twist that hits you like an emotional freight train is that orv is, in fact, actually very much a self-insert story about how you 🫵 are deeply loved and your survival matters so much that this book was written just to help you find reasons to live. idiot.

[koko-wa-umi]

we’re not supposed to know what this many people think. legit we're not supposed to be seeing so many thoughts and opinions - i don't think we're wired for it

[koko-wa-umi]

In highschool I wrote a story about a middle-generation of stellar travelers. Their parents were born on earth and left as children, and the middle generation will not live long enough to see their destination. They live their entire lives on the ship and I wrote about them trying to find their place in everything. They will never know blue skies and warm beaches and open fields with warm breezes. They’ll never know birdsong or crickets or frogs. They’ll never hear the rain on the roof of a dreary day. I never could find the right way to end the story. I wanted it to be a happy ending, but I didn’t know how to do it.

I realize now that it was a book about me dealing with depression before I even knew it. Looking back at how blatant the projecting was, it’s obvious now. It wasn’t then.

In the story, the middle-generation people are lost. They’re apathetic. They’re just a placeholder. The only job they have is to keep the ship running, have kids, and die. As the middle generation of people began becoming adults, suicide rates were skyrocketing. Crime and drug rates were jumping. This generation was completely apathetic because they felt that they had no use.

In the story, a small group of people in the middle-generation create the Weather Project. They turn the ship into a terrarium. They make magnificent gardens and take the DNA of animals they took with them and recreate them and they make this cold, metal spaceship that they have to live their entire lives on into a home. They take what little they have and they break it and rearrange it into something beautiful. They take this radical idea and turn the ship into a wonderful jungle of trees and birds and sunshine.

And I realize now how much it reflects my state of mind as I transitioned from a child into an adult while dealing with depression. You always hear “it gets better” and “when you’re older things will be easier” and I was so sick of waiting for it to get better. I was in the middle-generation stage. And I was sick of it. I was so sick of waiting.

When I was in highschool I didn’t know how to end the story. I didn’t know how to have a happy ending. I didn’t have the life experience then to finish the story in a meaningful way. I didn’t know how to make it better for these middle-generation characters.

But now that I’m older, I’m learning. That if you sit and wait for things to get better, it never will. You have to take your life and break it apart and rearrange it into something beautiful. You have to make the cold metal ship into the garden that you deserve. You have to make your own meaning. You have to plant your own garden.

You have to teach yourself that being happy is not a radical idea.

[koko-wa-umi]

The maths fandom is wild. “Real” and “imaginary” numbers? I think you mean canon and non-canon. You guys seriously go “this is my number oc his name is i and he is the square root of -1” when in numbers canon lore it’s actually impossible to square root a negative but sure whatever. “Complex numbers”? I think you mean a character x oc ship. “f(x) = 3x - 5”? That is self-insert fanfiction.

[koko-wa-umi]

Thank u both for making the story interesting❤️💛🧡

#always have been my favs too :D

[koko-wa-umi]

i do genuinely need to go on some sort of quest this year or i’m going to become evil for real