kookurukoo

[kookurukoo]

It's hard to be my parent's child. One showers me with all her love until I make her mad, until she's tired, until she couldn't find something. When she's finding something, i hear hurtful words from her, she would always rub the things she does for me in my face. Then the other one is supportive but irresponsible. He would always make an excuse just to avoid he's responsibilities but he's ready to spend thousands in other stuff. They've been separated for so many years now but the exchange of words I hear from them is no joke. They still cuss each other out. This is so tiring.

[kookurukoo]

I share a lot of posts about me wanting to be a relationship but the truth is I'm scared to be in a relationship because of my own father. I'm scared that a guy would treat the way he treats women. damn him. Last day, I lost hope that I could forgive him because of this scenario: he and his friends were drinking in front of his house, then he asked me to search a girl's name on social media, i did because i thought the girl was just his another friend's daughter because he (my father) mentioned a man's name. I gave him back the phone after I fount the girl's profile, he showed it to an older friend of his and said "This is the girl we were r*ping at l's house. she's more beautiful now, isn't she?" I don't know if he was just joking but the next thing he said blew up my mind and it's making me cry, he said "She was only 18 when her father brought her here and i was the first one that tasted her." basically telling that he took her virginity. I want to puke at that very moment because it's disgusting. The girl was just my age when he took her innocence, even though she was in legal age, she's still a kid! And when my father noticed I was listening he was like "I'm already separated when it happened so..." that doesn't make sense.

Let's go back to the first thing he said, if he was joking or used that term as joke, It wasn't funny, it's disgusting. If it's true, damn him. First, he physically abused my mother and now I'll learn that he sexually abused a girl? He's fucking disgusting.

[kookurukoo]

I'm in this Bangtan shit forever.

[kookurukoo]

To my future partner, I don't think this is the first time I'm writing a letter for you— this one comes from my heart and my wishes. I haven't met you yet and I don't want to meet you now that I'm still achieving my dreams. I'm still finding out how to cross on the street and how to travel alone. I hope you are good at communicating because I am not, I can't order food at Jollibee. I want you to know that I'm a little innocent; I haven't been to Starbucks nor tasted a drink from there it's because I prefer to stay home rather than go out with my friends. I have pale skin, actually you could almost see my veins through my skin. I want you to understand that I like watching sunsets, I hope you don't get mad when I stop walking to take a photo of it. I laugh at the end of the sentence sometimes, i hope you let me do it. I wish you let me cry whenever I'm sad, and comfort me when I need it. I hope you don't get annoyed because of the way I talk when I'm explaining. let your hands to be gentle with me, don't let them hurt me, I'm not a punching that you shower with punches. Don't leave me with bruises and scars, then you don't apologize and admit your mistakes.

Tell me when you're hurt and If I hurt you, I will apologize. Tell me what's bothering you, I'm willing to help you. I can be your crying shoulder. If you ever come home late, inform me because I'm an overthink-er, I might pass out thinking your laying in a hospital bed or in someone else's bed.

My love languages are word of affirmation, quality time and physical touch.

Please be advised that I'm not the kind of girl who you'll find beautiful at just first glance, it'll take you minutes to realize I'm pretty. I like books— romantic novels to be exact. I loved fictional men before you even came into my life, they were the first men I claimed as "my husband." I have BTS in my life, they are a big part of my life and they occupy the big part of my heart. I was in middle of chaos when I found them, I used to cry everyday but their contents pulled me out of that chaos. They took away the brokenness I had from my own family.

I'd love to call you 'Love' or 'Baby' because they sound sweet for me. I promise to invest time knowing you; Do you like sports? Do you watch movie? What's your favorite? Why is it your favorite? Why did your mom choose that name for you... I love to see your childhood photos, I want to know how you were as a kid. What was your dream when you were a little boy? Did you dream of being a a doctor because I did.

If you're ever in a relationship right now, enjoy it. Just don't hurt that person.

If you have a cheating history, I don't think I'll find it easy to trust you. I don't trust cheaters.

I hope you're a college graduate, financially, mentally and emotionally stable, and physically okay when we meet. I didn't get to experience to be a daughter of a happy and complete family. I was so young when my parents' marriage teared up, I barely remember the moments that we're complete. The highlight of my memory as a young girl is how my father hurt my mother and the reason of all those was money and other women. That's why if I'll be given a chance, I'd like to be a mother to a son and a daughter of happy and complete family where the mom stays with the dad. I don't want us to meet in the court, fighting for their custody.

I just wish you're not from the place that I grew up in or from my school, that's not fun.

Let's be each other's home.

Truly yours, Elle.

[kookurukoo]

Yesterday I was from school— I walked 1km from the campus to terminal because the public tranpo i usually ride to go there had no space and i was wearing 2 inched heels🥲 I was so drained but there's a magic happened when I opened my device to watch Jungkook perform, I had energy to laugh. For a moment, I forgot my tiredness and the cause of it. All I thought about was his voice, his energy and the people watching him in person. It was one of the best day of my life. Thank you, JK🤍

[kookurukoo]

I don't know but I often imagine myself in a white gown, wearing a veil while patiently for the door to open. Then when it opens, I'd look at the man on the other end of the hall, he's also in white. He waves at me and I wave back. His tears started to fall, I mouthed 'no'. His best friend behind him tapped his shoulder, laughing. I took my first step, the love song we both chose started to play but it's not what we're going to hear but our hearts beating together... then my father and my mother held my hands, she squeezed it tightly and we smiled at each other. then my future husband mouthed the words, "come on, baby." (I'm giggling). then when he finally touched me, i see love and admiration in his eyes. we shared our vows and while I am saying mine, he's listening as if he's listening to an angel talk. damn, wish it was true.

#just daydreaming

[kookurukoo]

I often say "I don't wanna be married to anyone, it's a headache." but i know that it's myself I'm fooling. I know that I'd like to be married to a man someday. A tall man, smells expensive, someone with a different eye color from mine, pointy nose, sexy lips, masculine (but not too much), shaves beard and mustache, toned abs, long legs. He's hardworking, intelligent, understanding, treats his momma right, not too clingy but not nonchalant, loving, respectful, reads my favourite book with me, supports me with my fan girl life, loves my family, can cook, and doesn't shout at my face because my papa did that.

[kookurukoo]

A room full of books, white walls, a walk-in closet that reflects my personality, tiny cup of coffee, skyscrapers and a boyfriend that came out from Wattpad. That's my dream life for myself, i wish the universe could see me here in my tiny house with no room, just two windows, a door and a bathroom. I hope the universe helps to achieve my dreams, I don't want to live this kind of life forever. I want to wake up someday in a condo unit that's full of furniture i bought with my own money.

[kookurukoo]

i saw this post earlier today— it's about Jungkook with the song best part. I could fully understand that post. BTS is the best thing that happened to my life, I don't what I was thinking few years back when i knew they were existing but never became a fan of them. maybe because i thought they were just idols like many other but i was wrong. BTS is more just idols, their music, shows, interviews and members became my happiness. I've been an army for almost two years now and I could say that this is the happiest of my life. I learned to look at the bright side of things because of them, i never thought that they could make a big impact in my life. i love them so much.