krarchives

[krarchives]

Other assorted logs

These logs are unrelated to the previously posted message logs that detail specific days-- rather, these are miscellaneous messages sent between those dates. Names are bolded due to formatting being done differently than in previous uploads.

01/08/2017

[redacted]

Hey!

w/izard-merlin

Yo! Sent you a few messages on steam c:

01/10/2017

[redacted] sent a photo post Cover of an issue of Super M...

[redacted]

cute!!

w/izard-merlin

Oh

OH YES THIS IS

w/izard-merlin

[redacted] please get back soon

I really need to talk

01/28/2017

w/izard-merlin

Gah, just I'm super sorry for that. I really haven't been having a good time as of late, and with THAT DAY [Note: Valentine’s Day] coming up, I felt you'd probably not even want to be with me, which is most likely true but y'know... That and I sorta guess I got a little annoyed with this trade, knowing you've been doing other stuff in between? But y'know, can't win them all, must get boring, I imagine...

That and there's still a load of ambiguity about that MRI scan of mine, so I'm mildly worried about having cancer

So yes, I freaked out, but only because I feared you didn't care

w/izard-merlin

About me, that is

[redacted]

I always care about you, Merlin.

[redacted]

I was seriously concerned.

The night before... or whenever it was, I apologize if I sounded moody

w/izard-merlin

Of course

I just fear what's coming, is all

I'm never the kind of guy who gets attention from others so I always feel there may be something else going on

[redacted]

What do you think is going on?

I won't judge you.

I can promise you that I haven't said a word about me talking to you to anybody else.

w/izard-merlin

That's not my gripe

[redacted]

Joseph... you need attention. You need friends who care about you. Everyone does.

w/izard-merlin

Its just the fact that I can't trust people, I suppose

I always feel that when someone's being nice to me, they have some sort of ulterior motive

Personally? I blame my history with shitty people for that

But you can make of that whatever

w/izard-merlin

You know I feel a lot of people try and take advantage of me

[redacted]

There is nothing for me to take from you.

I genuinely enjoy your company, Joseph.

w/izard-merlin

I just have my suspicions about people who treat me nicely, is all

Especially considering my past with people who have been nice to me, and then bit me in the ass

[redacted]

Who did that to you? :(

w/izard-merlin

[Redacted for privacy. This was a sensitive subject and was unrelated to his friends.]

[redacted]

I was aware... regardless, I'm so, so sorry....

w/izard-merlin

Thats why I find it hard to trust people

w/izard-merlin

And its why I'm an incredibly emotional person

So I'm sorry for upsetting you, but I can't help it

[redacted]

You didn't upset me... I was just very confused.

w/izard-merlin

Why so?

[redacted]

Just... seeing you off my friends list out of the blue.

After you requested one last thing.

w/izard-merlin

Did you get none of the messages afterwards?

w/izard-merlin

They explained why I was doing what I was doing

[redacted]

No... I didn't get them.

w/izard-merlin

Well, my final request of you was to enjoy the music I had made for you as our part of the trade

[redacted]

Would you like to see muffet? [A picture I had been drawing for him.]

w/izard-merlin

I'm fine, don't worry about finishing it

Just enjoy the music I made for you

[redacted]

I'm going to finish it

I can't keep not finishing stuff [Note: This wasn’t finished because of the events of 2/4 cutting communication. ]

w/izard-merlin

Well, if you're planning on doing so, don't do it because its for me

[URL removed]

w/izard-merlin

Go ahead and listen to it

[redacted]

I can't, I feel too guilty

w/izard-merlin

How come?

w/izard-merlin

[redacted]?

[redacted]

I'm sorry, I had to help my mom with something.

I didn't earn the right to hear it

w/izard-merlin

No trouble, and well...

That doesn't matter

Go ahead, please

[redacted]

Why do you want me to hear it?

Do you want my feedback?

w/izard-merlin

Because I want you to enjoy it?

w/izard-merlin

As far as I'm concerned, and other friends are concerned, this is a completed piece

I just really, really want you to listen to it

[redacted]

... If you insist.

w/izard-merlin

Trust me, it's going to be amazing

w/izard-merlin

Tell me what you think!

[redacted]

Good god...

Joseph... it's beautiful.

Look, I don't want to sound cheesy. I really don't. It sounds cliche as heck.

But there was a tear in my eye.

It's beautiful. [ Note: This sounds very cheesy reading back, but it was true! Merlin did a great job composing this track. ]

[redacted]

I love the ending, where... ah, what's the music term....

it just gets higher and higher in pitch?

It sounded wonderful.

w/izard-merlin

Crescendo?

[redacted]

Yes.

That's the name for it? It's very pretty.

The tune of it... that kept getting repeated over and over again... it was very, very nice.

w/izard-merlin

Most of the terminology for music is Latin and Italian

[redacted]

Is that so?

w/izard-merlin

Indeed! Most of the stuff relating to tempo, at least

w/izard-merlin

Or... melody, rather

[redacted]

What's a cadence? It seems like a popular name for girls related to music

w/izard-merlin

Its basically a bunch of chords strung together at the end of a piece of music!

And then you've got plagal, or perfect cadences

Plagal cadences are typically the kind of ones you get at the end of church hymns

Its commonly referred to as the "amen" cadence, for that reason

Its used to give something a soft close

w/izard-merlin

But yes, I'm rather happy you enjoyed this

I do feel I captured you rather well in this? Gave it a rather... Homestuck-y tone

[redacted]

You seem to know a lot about music!

[redacted]

And yes... no wonder it had a vibe of familiarity!

w/izard-merlin

I mean, I've been at it for... a whole decade, now

The rabbit hole goes ever deeper

w/izard-merlin

I'm glad you like it, though

Like, I really am

Bet you're glad to have listened to it noooow~

[redacted]

You've been in to making music for a decade?

w/izard-merlin

Well, music as a whole, rather

I got my first guitar when I was 8

[redacted]

It was gorgeous, Joseph. I'm going to keep the file in a special spot so I can always find it easily.

[redacted]

Awww, really?

You can play guitar

w/izard-merlin

Ayup!

And well, yeah! It'd be stupidly hard to teach myself all this terminology without any sort of previous instrumental knowledge

And of course! Where will it reside?

[redacted]

Probably on my desktop, hehe

w/izard-merlin

D'aww

Thank you!

[redacted]

Do you own any other instruments?

w/izard-merlin

Yup!

w/izard-merlin

I've got a really nice Taylor 214ce

And then y'know

A Yamaha keyboard ;w;

[redacted]

Oh wow

w/izard-merlin

And then my ukulele... Somewhere?

[redacted]

Ahh! How cute!

w/izard-merlin

I bought a cheap one to learn a few songs and never picked it up again

Their use is VERY niche in comparison to other instruments

[redacted]

That's true. Can't throw a ukulele in the middle of many songs

w/izard-merlin

Unless its like

w/izard-merlin

Cheesy jokey stuff

Which is fun

I really must find it

w/izard-merlin

But either way, acoustic guitar is where its at

[redacted]

Guitars always sound so nice.

w/izard-merlin

They doooo

[redacted]

Is that your favorite instrument?

w/izard-merlin

[URL removed]

Here's the one I own

And well, yes it is!

[redacted]

Goodness, it's beautiful!

Say...

Have you ever made a theme for YOU?

w/izard-merlin

Nope!

I... Probably should

Just not sure where I'd even start with it

I can read people better than myself ;w;

[redacted]

I can't help but imagine something that has an atmosphere of magic in it

w/izard-merlin

Any sort of genre?

w/izard-merlin

[redacted]?

[redacted]

Yes?

Sorry, sorry

Hm...

I can't think of anything.

w/izard-merlin

Ahh, okay!

Well, I shall keep it on the backburner

w/izard-merlin

Gonna shoot you a friend request on steam, hope you dont mind

[redacted]

Okay!

w/izard-merlin

Done, and done

[redacted]

Also, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snzjXp6fbrI&t=97s

[ Note: URL kept bc its just an undertale song ]

[redacted]

Something like this without the really ominous part

w/izard-merlin

Ooooh

That could work!

[redacted]

I don't know how a guitar could be thrown in to that

w/izard-merlin

Once you've accepted my friend request I need to gush about the Undertale OST

[redacted]

Accepted!

[krarchives]

logs from 9/26/2016 and 2/2/2017 (EDIT: new! 4/6/17)

09/26/2016

w/izard-merlin Busy with things?

w/izard-merlin I'd rather be told if you're not going to be able to do this or don't want to 09/26/2016

w/izard-merlin Now I'm certain either two things are happening. Your "perfect and splendid" boyfriend who can do no wrong is forcing you into not doing this, and making sure you don't talk to me, or you've simply forgotten. That or you're ignoring me of your own accord So, what is it? Peer pressured by someone who can make others suicidal? I'd believe that, really I would Or is it something else?

w/izard-merlin Don't even bother mentioning that you're "sorry" to me whatever the case is, just tell me the truth. It was stupid of me to believe that you and that asshole you so desperately love were ever sorry to me, all of it was twisted lies, trying to manipulate me and push me away from you two

w/izard-merlin Just an article of amusement, wasn't I?

w/izard-merlin I'd hope to get a response to this 09/26/2016

[redacted] Nothing is wrong, Merlin. I have just been busy. I spent all of last night working on papers.

[redacted] I also find that your line "Peer pressured by someone who can make others suicidal?" feels like peer pressure in itself. You're not an article of amusement. I have just had a lot to do.

w/izard-merlin I'll take your word on that, then

w/izard-merlin I WAS an article of amusement, is what I'm saying

w/izard-merlin Would you not agree?

w/izard-merlin I'm right, aren't I? You two hated me from the very beginning

[redacted] Merlin, stop it. I'm tired of you trying to manipulate me like this. Look at what you're saying. It's not even concealed.

w/izard-merlin Well that's damn ironic

w/izard-merlin I'm perfectly aware of what I'm saying, that's why I'm making no attempt to conceal it I've just had this creeping suspicion for a while And I'm certain it was true You're the one who not only manipulated me into thinking you cared about me, but my best friend and exploited them while they were in an emotionally vulnerable state To push me out of the way, to make room for you, so that you two could be together And it worked So I congratulate you for that Well done, you played me

[redacted] I'm not going to say sorry any more.

[redacted] The extent that you've played this out is absolutely unbelievable.

w/izard-merlin Oh, is it?

[redacted] Look at your words, Merlin. You describe him as a slimebag and then go on to say best friend.

w/izard-merlin WAS, my best friend Until some certain circumstances occurred in order to alter their opinion on me I cared about them immensely, but you exploited the situation to benefit yourself I can't believe it's taken me so long to realise this

[redacted] I can't believe it took me this long to realize how long you've been doing your best to milk this situation dry

w/izard-merlin Well, you have a bias, do you not?

w/izard-merlin You're the one who stole my best friend from me and turned them against me, after all

[redacted] There you go Exploiting the fact that I heavily found myself responsible even though I know that it was everyone's fault Implying that I was the only one that caused that to happen You contributed to that mess too, you know.

w/izard-merlin I'm well aware of that But you lied to me, and kept secrets behind my back, further strengthening the theory that you were just waiting for such an event to occur The perfect scenario for you to step in instead of me While what I did was wrong, and I fully accept that what I did was totally awful. What you did, using it to your benefit sickens me I won't be shocked if I receive messages from a particularly angry boyfriend who's so "concerned" for you

w/izard-merlin It's incredible what you've done, it truly is Turning someone who was my best friend against me But of course, that doesn't matter to you, does it? Yes, or no?

[redacted] I'm tired of being exploited, Merlin. I'm not going to back down.

w/izard-merlin Is that a no, then?

[redacted] I think it would just be best if we split our separate paths now.

w/izard-merlin This is a very clever way you've got of avoiding questions and conflict

[redacted] That's great, Merlin

[redacted] I explained what I could many weeks ago

w/izard-merlin But was it the truth? Suppose I've got no way of knowing if it is, but let's hear what you have to say

[redacted] I told you that long ago And I'm done now I'm tired of this being dragged on and on

w/izard-merlin You're the one who's caused this grief

[redacted] I'm tired for constantly having to apologize for something that happened in the past that I thoroughly explained

w/izard-merlin You're the one who lied to me so you could get away with something that if I would've known, would've been bad for you You're trying to apologise for a lie, then

w/izard-merlin I'm sure you'll come clean about this eventually It's obvious that it as an elaborate ploy

[redacted] If you wish to believe that, Merlin To be stuck in that line of thought

w/izard-merlin I was a fool to ever think you cared about me Spoon fed lies since we even became friends

[redacted] You're ignoring so much that actually happened But if you wish to continue to keep yourself in that mindset

w/izard-merlin I'm sorry for not paying attention to the destruction of my relationship with my best friend at the hands of someone I considered to be a close one as well And I'm almost certain that you give nary a care about me, if you were willing to do what you dis

[redacted] Your hands were tainted as well

w/izard-merlin *did They were, I will admit that I did wrong, that is undeniable But so did you, and you refuse to admit that

[redacted] Were you not there for that entire aftermath? How long I sat there and apologized over and over?

w/izard-merlin It's easy to put on a front You'd got what you wanted, and the last piece of the puzzle was to be "apologetic" To make me believe that you'd truly made a mistake

w/izard-merlin And sure, I bought that For a while, at least

[redacted] You want me to lead in and apologize again, saying how much I did care and how it wasn't a front at all And it wasn't a front But I'm tired of dragging this out I'm tired of letting you milk this for my pity

w/izard-merlin You think that's what I'm doing? I don't want your pity, at all And if you believe that's what I want? You're solely mistaken

[redacted] I'm done with continuing this, Merlin

w/izard-merlin I don't appreciate you trying to make a cop out for this Once more, I'm going to ask you to reiterate the whole truth

[redacted] I'm done, Merlin I did this many weeks ago

w/izard-merlin Humour me, tell me your thought processes over again so that I can truly believe that this wasn't an elaborate ploy against me

[redacted] Merlin This situation has long been done I'm tired of having this dragged on, and on I'm done

w/izard-merlin You don't care about the amount of hell this has been for me, do you?

w/izard-merlin Not at all bothered for what my life is now like Just happy to forget about me Well it's a shame you couldn't keep to what you said about leaving me in the dust And if you cared as much as I did about this, you'd be concerned that things can never be fixed again  But that doesn't matter now, does it? You're "done". Done with me, happy that you achieved your goal of giving me nothing but unhappiness And while some of it is my fault, you are to blame for the reason hat I will NEVER talk to the person I used to call my best friend ever again

w/izard-merlin I hope you NEVER have to deal with the emotional car crash that I'm dealing with, because I'm fairly certain that you couldn't handle it

w/izard-merlin Keep toiling over that, then

11/05/2016

Merlin reestablished contact with me on 11/05/2016 after a longstanding silence between us with the following apology message. It is very sincere and shows understanding of how the situation affected me. 

w/izard-merlin Well... Suppose this has been something that's been overdue for a while, and that's my apology towards you for the absolutely disgusting way I was carrying on, what was it? A month or so? I... Can't really say I'm proud of losing track of when, or making such bold claims when I did... Those stick in the mind, so ultimately, I'd like to apologise to you for this all, I'm not looking for you to forgive me, but to understand that I am DEEPLY sorry for all of this  I would... Hope you have received this, and if there is anything else I can do, please let me know, okay? 

I began to contact him more after this message, and we eventually all became friends again.

2/02/2017

The following was presented after I unfriended him on Steam after an argument. Because the messages are on steam, it is (to my knowledge) impossible to retrieve them. However, Merlin was becoming increasingly upset over the approaching holiday, Valentine’s Day, and the fact that my boyfriend and I were still together. Although I do not have a direct log for this, it should be noted that he stated that he wished for my boyfriend and I to argue and split up so that I could understand how he felt. Other statements that made it seem that Merlin believed that my boyfriend was the only person he could ever love. While I held understanding, at first, towards the feeling of being single for Valentine’s and the emotions regarding that (it fucking sucks), things began to slip out of hand.

w/izard-merlin If you're that eager to get rid of me, then I have one more request of you As you don't want to talk to me, do me a favour Delete everything associated with me you have on your computer Block me here

[redacted] You told me no build up. I'm not blocking you here. I don't block anyone.

w/izard-merlin Make an exception for me then, if you desperately want me gone

[redacted] Quit doing this, Joseph. It's over for now, okay? Get the time you need away from me.

w/izard-merlin Honestly, I'm just in shock you're so willing to turn your back on me

[redacted] This is exactly what you did in August. [Personal note: Whoops! Got the date wrong by a whole month.]

w/izard-merlin And if you're going to

w/izard-merlin Close the book forever Please make it impossible for me to ever talk to you again

[redacted] That's your choice, Joseph. You need to choose your actions and do what you need to do.

w/izard-merlin Grant me a favour then, please

[redacted] I don't decide how your life goes.

w/izard-merlin So all I've done for you, for what? For you to just... Turn your back on me? Yes, I will admit

[redacted] You're repeating everything you said in August, Joseph. [Personal note: Got the date wrong by a whole month x2. Oops!]

w/izard-merlin I'm upset This is ever so slightly different, [redacted] I spent money on you, spent time on producing music I didn't even have to, for you, just I'm upset you're choosing to do this Its like you WANT bad things to happen to me Or at least, thats how it feels

[redacted] Joseph. It's over. It's evident that you seriously need time away from me for a bit.

w/izard-merlin Just answer me this, then Were you using me? As some sort of revenge?

[redacted] No, I wasn't. That's all the explanation you need. I'm not letting this go in circles again. You should take some time away from me.

 04/06/2017 

Merlin attempted to reestablish contact again in early April after around two months of (once again) silence. Because he was blocked on my main account, he had to resort to contacting a side account. The three lines of text he sent are curious because of the condescending tone utilized.

Merlin has also been sending near-daily friend requests on steam since this time. They have all been declined.

Interestingly enough, the “best friend” in the first log has not received any friend requests from him.

w/izard-merlin:  You know I'm sorta upset with you that you'd block me when I obviously had something going on  But you will be pleased to know, I've been doing much better  I trust you've been doing well?