ladietblonde

[ladietblonde]

[ladietblonde]

"Je suis un enfant d'hôpital, un soldat qui pour patrimoine avait son courage, pour famille tout le monde, pour patrie la France, pour tout protecteur, le bon Dieu." (Hyacinthe Chabert)

[ladietblonde]

Je décolle pour Punta Cana le 6 avril. Ce qui me laisse très exactement 12 jours pour perdre deux kilos.

Facile. Presque. L'effort semble être fait le soir. Sauf que je souffre dès que je dois marcher. Y compris le matin, après le petit-déjeuner. Je' garde en tête que cette torture ne devrait durer que jusqu'au 6.

A mon retour à Paris, je devrais faire seulement attention.

Concrètement, je bois du kéfir, du thé, du coca zéro et du café. Beaucoup de café. Je prends un donormyl et je suis déjà endormie à 22h.

Et puis, je m'autorise des glucides le matin, 30g de flocons d'avoine avec du yaourt grec. Le midi, si je ne travaille pas l'après-midi, je mange un demi-avocat, des œufs durs et beaucoup de légumes, cuits à l'eau. Sexy.

[ladietblonde]

Im not vibing with food

[ladietblonde]

Il se trouve que je teste un nouveau régime. En fait, je ne mange pas.

Enfin, j'ai un travail. Alors techniquement, je dois. L'idée est de déjeuner à peu près normalement. D'enfiler mon manteau en laine hyper long, de grelotter tout le chemin jusqu'à l'école et d'attendre patiemment le déjeuner. Il est composé le plus souvent d'un filet de saumon ou d'un morceau de tofu fumé, accompagné de légumes verts avec de la sauce piquante, d'un demi-avocat OU d'un peu de riz/pâtes complètes. J'ai déjà exclu totalement les carbs de ma diète et c'est contre-productif.

Le soir, je jeûne ou je bois quelques verres de vin si c'est trop difficile. Parfois, je craque. Bah oui. Le tout, c'est de savoir comment rattraper sa bêtise. Le plus souvent, je purge. C'est facile quand on a bu quelques verres de chablis.

Je vais me coucher, toute gaie d'avoir le ventre vide ou euphorique d'avoir picolé. Mais je ne suis jamais malheureuse.

Le but premier étant de rentrer dans du 34 avant le début de l'été. Soit 52 kilos avant début mai. Très logiquement, c'est faisable. Toutes les filles canons qui portent des skinny saint laurent et des slip dress transparentes font du 34. Voire du 32. Ce qui est irréalisable et surtout, ce n'est pas viable sur du long terme. Et je ne veux pas bouger, moi. Jamais.

Je suis cette fille. Intelligente. Enjouée. Blonde. Mince.

[ladietblonde]

The other day as I sat across a clear, glass table from my friend watching him enjoy his sushi lunch as I sipped my complimentary green tea I had nothing to do but anticipate the comment that would inevitably come at one point during our extended lunch break – “why aren’t you eating? god you look so skinny right now I could kill you, I hate your willpower.” And of course, my response will always be a polite laugh followed by a sip of whatever free or inexpensive drink I have in front of me (careful not to smudge my lipstick) and a change of subject. This day, however, was different. I told the truth, that willpower has nothing to do with my liquid lunch, that really I can’t afford to eat.

Now, I’m not trying to be melodramatic here, I’m a full-time student with a part-time job, little debt in comparison to the majority of students, no rent to pay, and no one else to support. But really, my money does leave me very quickly. 50% of every paycheque goes toward paying off my $1000 credit card balance, whatever I can spare after this goes towards paying my sorority dues (have to climb the corporate ladder somehow, and this is the most beautiful way to do so), the always-growing list of required textbooks, doing my laundry, necessary cigarettes, and lastly, food. (I’ve almost completely eliminated my craving for a bottle of prosecco and a macaron from the bakery on my street.) However, it always happens that the 50% of my income that I actually have to spend is never enough, and my credit card balance is back up at the maximum by the end of my biweekly pay period.

This blog is not only a way of keeping me focused as I actually get my credit card paid off so I can save and move to London next year as I’ve been planning, but a statement to whoever needs to realise that a minimum wage part-time job is not enough to feed a student, keep them healthy and beautiful, and maintain a GPA that will get them into the graduate program of their choice. I’m not aiming for more really, but I’m going to expose the reality of the poor girl diet, and the juxtaposition of spending your grocery money on appetite-curbing vices when you could spend it on groceries (the reason is, the groceries that you could buy with your cigarette money, won’t fill you as much as a massive coffee and a strong cigarette). You’ll either relate to these struggles, or just realise that I’m the appearance-obsessed bitch I am who is more consumed with her image than her health. It’s your call, really.

I’m the poor chic girl, the one who goes out for lunch every day but never orders a thing, the one who goes for drinks in the evenings and sips the same martini for over an hour, the one who can somehow make clothes from three seasons ago stylish over and over again (even though they’re all too big), and still I’m the bitch whose life you may envy. Keeping up appearances is everything.

[ladietblonde]

These may be the poor chic girl’s best friend. The cigarettes kill the too-poor-for-groceries (because you had that martini last night) hunger pangs, and the credit pays for the food that you may ultimately give in and buy just to keep you standing. Or that NARS lipstick you just need to cover up the fact that your lips are purple from an unheated (can’t waste money on utilities) bachelor apartment, or the insufficient outerwear you’re currently donning as a result of ebay desperation (more on this later). Beware, poor little chic girl, the cigarette/credit cycle is a vicious one — eventually you run out of that cigarette money you’ve saved in your bank account, and the credit begins to pay for that too. Before you know it you’re mentally crossing your chilly little fingers every time you use that powerful piece of plastic.

Don’t fear though, this cycle can be broken, and no, you won’t need to quit smoking to do so, those little sticks are far too chic to give up, and they just look so good with the all-black ensemble you’re wearing in a pathetic attempt to warm up! It’s simple, really, all you have to do is flex the strongest muscle a chic girl has — her willpower. Your self-control is stronger than the iron curtain when offered some high-carb, caloric treat (chic girls only indulge at LaDurée, a macaron only has 60 calories you know) yet it just crumbles when handed money. Seriously, just cut that little demon in half, hide it away, pretend it’s a Big Mac for chrissake and don’t touch it. Mine lives inside of my copy of The Great Gatsby (so appropriate right?) and it won’t rear it’s ugly head until its balance is a big, empty zero or the heinous shade of green it is comes back in style. We all know what will happen first.

Yes, this may be easier said than done but the true poor chic girl should know that she’s more self-controlled than a Tibetan Monk, and that her credit card really won’t match her outfit anyway. Unless it’s an Amex Black card, then it’s the most beautiful piece of fake money ever seen and she’s not really a poor chic girl so she can just get out of here now. Since Fitzgerald took my Visa into his custody I’m on track to have it paid off by the end of this month, I don’t need that Big Mac, I don’t do hamburgers. So come on, poor chic girl, join me in layering all of the sweaters in my closet, throwing on a pair of leather leggings (you know you have one), and stepping out onto the pavement without your credit card and engulfed in a cloud of Marlboro chicness.

Side note: I’ve compiled a bit of a list of the cheapest way to keep up a reputation (shopping at Whole Foods), but still staying nourished and alive.

– Whole Foods store brand english muffins for $2.99

– 2/$4 avocados, sometimes even 3/$5.

– frozen edamame beans for $3.00 (just half a cup in the shells is enough for you, barely any of the package, and super filling)

– grind-your-own peanut butter at $0.89/100g. 100g lasts forever!

– baby yoghurt (I like liberté bébé because what a cute name and pretty lilac packaging) is better than normal yoghurt and baby products don’t have sales tax!

– anything from their store brand is actually really good and not too expensive! I live for english muffins (obvi), don’t really eat any processed garbage.

– buy mushrooms and other typically prepackaged vegetables and fruits individually, it works out much less and you won’t have unnecessary mushrooms left in your fridge to rot.

– egg whites are significantly cheaper than a carton of eggs, and really who eats yolk anymore unless it’s in eggs florentine?

My typical shopping trip for two weeks usually costs about $20 and consists of two avocados, a tomato, english muffins, yoghurt, egg whites, a vegetable of my choice, and a grapefruit. (Keep in mind I have a fully stocked pantry and selection of rices/pastas/soups/salmon filets already from my mum’s last trip to costco with my credit card months ago to add into these ingredients). I plan my meals vigorously and never stray from my plan, unless it means trading Tuesday’s lunch with Thursday’s dinner

So tell me, how have you optimised your grocery trips for price? Your favourite supermarket deals? How have you stopped the credit abuse? Is this post lacking topic too much? (but actually though what am I saying here)

[ladietblonde]

If you’re a uni student like me you’ll know that second-term midterm season is like the craziest week of the year, and I’m not talking like Tomorrowland, take-lots-of-MDMA-and-have-a-blackout-dance-party-and-chew-gum-until-your-jaw-moves-involuntarily-for-a-week type of crazy, I’m talking like suddenly you have five deadlines in five days and when it’s all over all you want to do is get drunk with frat boys you don’t like, eat a pizza, then buy all of the half-price Valentine’s chocolate at Duane Reade for yourself so you can gorge yourself until you don’t feel anymore then pass out at 9pm fully dressed with the lights on. Of course, at this time of year, nothing can go smoothly. Right before that last deadline you need to get a debilitating, life-shattering, existential crisis-inducing piece of news that destroys your entire Adderall-induced train of focus and forces you to run home, cry for three hours, and then use your last half-hour of time to somehow write the worst essay to ever exist and turn it in with two minutes to spare and with makeup just all over your face.

If you didn’t guess already, this is why I haven’t posted okay.

The thing about any chic girl, poor or not, is that she’s an absolute neurotic, unstable mess. Everything is planned, she’s a control freak, and when she’s forced to leave the house on a bad hair day, can’t possibly afford a pack of cigarettes, or has her plans destroyed in any way, she has a breakdown. This is where rock bottom comes in. Thankfully, for me, my breakdown fell conveniently on Valentine’s Day, so I spent some money on a bottle of sparkling rosé and a box of macarons, and enjoyed those whilst trying desperately to stay composed and sane for appearances (long-distance boyfriend, skype date, didn’t really want him to see me eating my feelings), and then the day after, I spent $6 on a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, two Toblerone bars, and a can of Pringles which basically became my only friends/emotions for the weekend. Now that it’s all gone, I won’t have an appetite for the week (because my poor little stomach isn’t equipped to hold much more than egg whites and the occasional salmon or celery stalk) and it’ll be like this filthy little weekend never happened.

Thank god I buy all of my clothes in black, white, or grey so I can still have designer clothes, but don’t have to worry about having that one blouse that only matches with one pair of (too big) leather leggings.

There really is no moral to this story, except that the breakdown teaches me one thing every time – I need an emergency fund big enough to afford two bottles of wine, chocolate, ice cream, cigarettes, and pizza. At least.

[ladietblonde]

I don’t know if you heard but the chic only write anything once every three weeks, kay?

Ugh eBay – it’s the go-to for North American girls to get super cute Sobranie cigarettes (you can match them with your outfit and they’re gold? too perf), designer clothes (four year-old Prada that’s basically new and no basic bitch would know it anyway? even more perf), and money. I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous but every poor chic girl knows that eBay is basically like, the circle of life, but without the dying or Elton John music. It’s so easy, you sell your old designer clothes, then recycle the PayPal credit to just buy new ones (most likely in a smaller size because when are you not losing weight), or just withdraw it straight to your credit card so the balance can get paid off a little more. Did you know you could go over your credit limit? It’s basically the more consumerist version of bungee jumping – you want to die and the entire time pray to the baby Jesus that you won’t get cut off.

Basically though, eBay is the fountain of life, money, tobacco, and nice clothes. Don’t get tricked into selling your old shit on Kijiji, Amazon, or ASOS marketplace, those are just like scammers and people with disgusting, lazy taste parading around in last season’s Isabel Marant (and not in a good way) and knockoff Mulberry purses (the new Fendi duh). I mean, I just sold my parka on there for like $500, I’m kind of cold right now but everyone knows that shivering burns calories. So definitely, just get out there and sell all of those ugly shoes you bought on impulse because you could “totally wear them for like going out and stuff” because even though the return policy has run out, or you lost your receipt, they’re still worth something to someone with questionable taste. Just beware that eBay totally steals like a %10 commission of whatever you sell. Evil bitches basically took a sleeve of that coat I sold I swear. Whatever, it’s totally worth it, so many people do it but too many just sit there staring at their screens wondering if it’s a good idea. It is a good idea okay? No one’s wearing velvet anything anymore it’s time to get rid of the velvet blouse, skirt, trousers, shoes, jacket, underwear, sweater, etc., you bought last winter and trade them in for a lower MasterCard/Visa (there��s no way a poor chic girl has Amex that’s for people who know how to money) balance, or just new blouses/skirts/trousers/shoes/jackets/underwear/sweaters/etc, because I can guarantee that those are probably necessary if you have a lot of velvet in your closet.

Also, that deep red colour that was everywhere last winter. Sell that too.

[ladietblonde]

Black Tie on a budget is literally the most depressing thing in the world.

Take this for example: I have a formal on Saturday night, dinner at this über chic restaurant in the sugardaddy part of the city, and I need to look chic. I’m not going to trek down to Forever fucking 21 or something to buy a skin tight bodycon like my friends going, definitely not. Daddy bought me a Kate Spade dress six years ago, it’s my go-to little black dress, satin and gorgeous and made for the chest bone cleavage I am endlessly proud of. However, this sorta designer beauty is a size 2. Six years later I’m not really a 2, maybe a 4 if I try really hard on the average day, but a 2 isn’t achievable. So for the past month in preparation I’ve been dieting hardcore, ballet beautiful videos on youtube, and taking advantage of the free gym membership my university provides me with. This doesn’t seem much but because of a cut in grocery budget to $15/week I’ve dropped fifteen pounds this month. Yes that isn’t healthy I know but it’s chic so get over it. The dress fits, yes, but I haven’t eaten a carb in a week. You know how in The Devil Wears Prada Emily says that she’s on that diet where she “doesn’t eat anything, and then when [she] feels like she’s about to faint she eats a cube of cheese”? Yeah that’s been my life. Even budget cheddar cheese is amazing. If I want to wear my totes amaze dress tomorrow night I can forget the dinner. So depressing because everyone knows that this poor chic girl can barely afford food as it is and a $40 fillet of salmon for free would be so welcome.

Basically, old dresses bought on daddy’s dime back when he would do that are the best thing the poor chic girl can have. Be a smart teenager, buy timeless and you’ll never buy black tie again. And keto is the new black, or at least it goes best with it. Ketosis breath is the new Marvis jasmine mint too just so you know.

Carbs are so 2010.

[ladietblonde]

Seriously, maintaining a healthy writing routine is so unchic.

Whoever said that traveling was for the elite or sugar babies or something really didn’t know how to internet. Anyone, even this poor chic girl, can work hard, save some money, max out the low-limit credit card on a flight, pay that back off, and then save more money to have a nice three week-long holiday in basically the most chic city in the world, London. It’s a simple thing to do, really, if sleeping isn’t something you really like to do that much and you find that coffee and cigarettes are your new meal/supplement of choice.

The poor chic girl works retail kay? Retail. Which means hourly wages, commission, etc. – basically a paycheque that cannot be predicted and constantly changes. Need more money? Smile at more middle-aged men and tell them that the blazer totally makes their shoulders look so broad and strong and sell more. Need a lot more money? Ask for more hours and take the store alcoholic’s Sunday morning shift, because you know she won’t want it. With this, and bi-weekly paycheques it’s just so easy to save up a good amount for being chic on another continent.

I know you’re all like, ohmigod just where do you stay for three weeks? It’s easy for me, because I have a collection of chic friends in various chic cities all over Europe and North America (and even a couple in Tokyo for when I want to be kawaii) but that’s always what you get when you’re a student who socialises on a weekly basis (aka goes to frat parties). But when you don’t have that luxury, try couchsurfing. It’s really a thing and millennials totally do it even though they’re gross and there’s this thing about not shaving but even that’s kinda chic right now right? Okay no. Poor hygiene is always unchic, but Europe’s millennials are different. They’re basically that girl parading around Greenwich in Acne and other half-known but still known Scandinavian designer clothes with that mini Balenciaga that you know is totes adorbs but you can’t afford and you just don’t know how she does until you realise that she lives in like Jersey or something. Ew. They’re basically just this poor chic girl but with blonder hair, bigger boobs, and longer legs (and a minimalist-chic apartment in a better location). Like skinny Kate Uptons who are cute and dress really well. Yeah that’s them. Basically couch surfing outside of ‘Merica is great, just be careful and don’t stay with anyone who says they love like death metal or board games because that does not mean monopoly anymore, or something gross like that. Unchic.

Finally, the poor chic girl eats only sushi, Ladurée, and anything cute (in her dreams realistically it’s soup and porridge). If all else fails, Starbucks is fine I guess, but seriously, it’s so cheap to eat out when you’re chic, because even though the places you want to go are expensive, miso soup so isn’t and neither is a handroll, or a macaron, and all of the things are so cute you want them to last forever, so your meals cost like nothing. Also champagne is like, so much cheaper in Europe so I mean, that and a pack of cheaper European cigarettes are basically the chic diet anyway so this girl never worries about her next meal (I’m just kidding seriously don’t attack me I love food I instagram it all the time).

Anyway this post basically says that I’m going to England tomorrow with £30 allowed per day which I fully intend to spend at Ladurée and on sushi and drinks and I totally think I’ll survive and keep myself chic, just please remind me why I needed to buy this $40 brick just so I can plug in my hair dryer? Ugh, so not fair English people need to look cute too right?

[ladietblonde]

Like any chic girl, I put a lot of effort into looking my absolute best. Diet, exercise, and various other maintenance routines are incredibly important – I would never put my well-being below my financial situation, because well, I have to be me every day but a paycheque rolls in semi-occasionally so that’s always there. Mind you, I’m not saving for children, or a house, or anything like that yet (just my wedding that I totally know will happen one day but I’ll get to that later)

I spent $100 yesterday on skincare products. Before you freak out at me, think about it this way, my $40 moisturiser keeps me from breaking out, getting hives, etc., and my cleanser is just amazing. All of my products last me months and they’re all perfect and made with chamomile and I would never cheat on them with some $20 drugstore salicylic acid shit or even worse – doctor up my own things that I could risk allergies to. This skincare routine saves me the $40 that I would spend on the only foundation that would ever match my virtually-albino (alabaster? porcelain? ghost) skin tone, because the truly chic are naturally chic. Sure, the Kardashians look pretty whatever, but they’re nothing without their bronzer cheekbones and contoured noses. So why would I spend money on all of the things needed to clean myself, and then cover up the shortcomings when I could just actually maintain my skin properly? Everyone gets spots, no one’s skin tone is perfect, but really mine is basically as close as a human being could get.

Diet and exercise are so much easier to do without emptying out my bank account though. Youtube and Netflix are basically a treasure trove of exercise videos (Ballet Beautiful is my life, Natalie Portman did it to get so skinny and perfect for Black Swan, I die it’s so perfect), and small portions of good food means stretching the $20 budgeted for groceries each week as far, and as well as possible. Even if it means eating breakfast for every meal (it’s my favourite okay, so good).

So basically, the moral to this dumb post is that you can only hold onto your money so much. Sometimes you need to buy a $40 moisturiser, other times you need to buy a new bottle of $15 shampoo, it’s okay. Wouldn’t you rather spend the money there and feel perfect than to save the money, ruin your pretty face and spend more on makeup to cover up the beast you’ve become?

What are your essential splurges? Do they save you money?

[ladietblonde]

So hi, it’s been a year, and a lot has changed but also nothing at all because really I’m still broke, still chic, and still in the same place neglecting my responsibilities.

My readership of zero I’m sure has missed me so much, love you guys wow. Here’s a quick update on my life so you know that a) I’m still alive, b) I’m still poor and making it work, and c) still chic.

As anyone would know, I’m an English student, now in my third year of undergrad loving the ride as my parents still support me financially in affording the roof over my head and the school that crushes my hopes and dreams and sleep. I have to work part-time to afford to eat, shop, drink, smoke, etc. and I do, but I’ve had some job struggles. I left my old clothing retail job I had for a year because I couldn’t deal with the pressure of commission and risking an empty paycheque for a more relaxed one. Of course, that went really really well for about five months when I totally had a panic attack mid-shift (being unstable is just so chic) and got cut from the schedule. That was three weeks before Christmas. Thank god I had birthday money to keep me alive otherwise I would have fallen apart and everything would have suffered. My devastatingly handsome boyfriend came to visit after Christmas and I finally had paid off my credit card balance (which really isn’t that high because I’m totally responsible and have a reasonable limit) but then his card got copied whilst he was here and I was footing all the bills and was quickly broke and indebted once again. After about a month of no work, no pay, and racking up debt I finally found another job not in retail which is so cute and easy but a 15 hour/week set schedule so it’s virtually impossible to afford everything on my paycheques. I love the job though and it makes me feel like such a student it’s just so perfect.

So now that whole unemployment struggle brought me back here of all places, because the chic struggle is really back on. I’ve decided though that since I’m definitely older and wiser, this blog should be too. Not saying I don’t condone not eating carbs for a month to fit into a size two, because I still eat chic (aka minimally, chewing is so basic), I’m saying that I need to share more and learn from my empty (but hopefully soon growing) readership. I’m not going to get social media though because no, you can’t see my face and I really don’t have time for that I only post like once every two months on my normal instagram and twitter creeps me out. I do need to share all of my wisdom with the world though like how to stretch your wardrobe so you only have to pay for laundry once every month and how to convince your friends that staying in is so much more chic than a bar and definitely how to make people think you’re so put together and mature and balanced when really you’re falling apart on the inside and can’t remember what a properly-sized meal looks like.

So yeah, in summary: I’m back bitches, and I might be here to stay a bit longer than last time, if you ask nicely.

[ladietblonde]

Every chic girl has a vice, and I’m not talking the usual ones: cigarettes, wine, champagne, gin, etc., I’m talking the one that leads you into your total financial downfall: silk. At least that’s mine (but it should be everyone’s who am I kidding). Even the cheapest silk blouse I have cost me $90, and I’m not even going to start on the dresses but my god when you have collarbones and a xylophone like mine you can’t not have at least four silk slip dresses to hang perfectly off of them. Blame my financial situation on my affinity for fine materials, yeah, but how can you possibly resist that perfectly draped, slinky anything that makes you feel naked even if you’re wearing four layers of perfectly constructed chicness? However, when you have a diet like mine (perrier and black coffee for breakfast, a cube of overpriced cheese for lunch, and champagne for dinner), you learn to have convent-worthy self control. But how does a poor girl like me not only afford a wardrobe mostly consisting of expensive dry clean-only fabric? S’easy really, make it last, learn to layer, and forget those washing directions.

Now I totally get it, you’re just so afraid to machine-wash your heroin-chic silk Calvin Klein slip, but come on, there’s science in silk. It behaves like your hair, and no I’m not telling you to give your dress a blow-out, curl it, and treat it with argan oil (the dress is 90s, so is the hair treatment okay), I’m telling you the water won’t hurt it okay? Dry cleaners are so sketchy I swear they probably parade around in your leather pants and stretch them out on their thunder thighs, I don’t trust them with anything, just throw the silk into a lingerie bag, set to cold water and gentle cycle, use a really light, fragrance-free, safe for people who are allergic to oxygen detergent, and let the machine gently rock and rinse the only thing you have to show for your paycheques to cleanliness. It totally works, I swear.

The hardest part of not buying every unaffordable thing you see though is making the things you already have look like they’re brand new and this season rather than circa. AW12/13. because really, that was the last time you were able to save enough to buy that Calvin slip and you’ve been wearing it daily since. Now I’m being really nice here, I know I know I’m in a good mood right now, I’m a little day drunk and I had two cubes of cheese for lunch because a girl’s gotta treat herself sometimes. Here’s my little guide to making your slip dress wearable Monday-Friday, without anyone guessing it’s the same thing.

Monday: because you’re still hungover from your brunch which was really just mimosas and staring at everyone else’s eggs benedict, go homeless-chic today. Skip the bra, and throw on the dress with your most oversized black sweater on top and leather leggings on the bottom. Wear those Wang ankle boots with the rose gold metal plate and you’re chic enough to pull off the shakes from the 10 cups of black coffee you had for breakfast.

Tuesday: You’re feeling a bit better today and totally lost like 5 pounds from all the caffeine yesterday, throw the dress on with a la perla lace bralette and let your xylophone shine. Wear a moto jacket to keep it from looking too bare (but just bare enough) and let your perfect little legs go bare with a flat or chelsea boot (come on, any chic girl is skinny enough to wear flats on the daily and still have great legs).

Wednesday: Your hair is getting flat because you haven’t washed it since Monday, you’re sick of going to class, and all you really want is a martini to throw down your throat and mess up your lipstick, so style that dress (that still isn’t dirty because chic girls don’t sweat), to transition from school to bar. Slick your hair back into a ponytail, don some sheer black stockings, those still perf ankle boots (you spent every penny you had on them and definitely have to wear them daily), a long sheer silk blouse (unbuttoned), and an oversized blanket scarf to cover your cold little shoulders. You’re perfectly layered and ready to go all night (or until the olives in your martini have filled your chic little stomach, martinis are totally a meal).

Thursday: You’re hungover again and you need to match your outfit to your grunge-chic black coffee and cigarette you’ve been carrying around all day. Let last night’s eyeliner be smudgy, and put those leather leggings back on, tie a coordinated plaid shirt around your waist and carry yourself like Kate Moss hanging off of Johnny Depp’s arm. You’re officially heroin-chic, but not in a Courtney Love way, because that’s just bad.

Friday: The week is finally over and you’re so ready to spend the weekend lounging around in your silk robe and chain smoking at home, but you want to throw out one last effort to look like you actually care about school. This is my favourite combo, knot your hair into a bun, and wear a turtleneck under your slip dress, your leather jacket, bare legs and slouched socks with a pair of oxford shoes. You’re preppy but chic all at the same time, and you’re totally adorable. When you get home you can take off the jacket and the dress and be the chicest lounger in your Calvins and that supersoft turtleneck while you sip your coffee in peace knowing you won’t have to carry your leather backpack again until Monday.

The weekend obviously is a time of wearing high heels, black dresses, and so much overpriced lipstick (another vice for another day), but that’s a little guide for surviving the week as chicly as possible. I hope it’s nothing new, any chic girl should know how to layer, but if it is you’re welcome. How do you stay chic every day? What’s your viciest material?

[ladietblonde]

As it should be exceedingly clear, I don’t actually live on a diet consisting only of cigarettes, coffee, and champagne because a) that’s inhuman and b) champagne is so expensive right now and wine is much more affordable on my tiny budget. This less-chic post is my basic Monday-Friday diet (up until a certain point), when I’m not keto or IF or any other totally chic diet plan. I’ll start with my grocery list:

2 avocados, one ripe and one unripe

2 tomatoes

Spinach

12 eggs

1 small loaf of whole wheat bread from a local bakery

2 grapefruits

1 tub of 2% fat plain greek yoghurt

~100g bulk quinoa

an eat-alone cheese (I love Manchego and hard goat cheeses)

a head of cauliflower

From this list I usually do the following:

Breakfast: either poached eggs on toast with spinach and 1/4 of half of an avocado on each slice (need to make it last), or greek yoghurt with seeds and granola and things and half of a grapefruit

Dinner: a fillet of salmon with salad, or roasted cauliflower with quinoa and salad, or a massive warm salad with avocado and quinoa and salmon and basically anything else I have.

Night snack: a few pieces of cheese with a glass of wine.

I seldom eat lunch except when I’m working weekends and I get staff lunch, I spend the majority of my days out of the house and I’m both too lazy to pack lunch and too poor to buy it. If I’m dying I definitely will run home and have a slice of toast or some cheese or something but I’ve been having a later breakfast and early dinner for so long I’m very used to it. These are also just my staple groceries: when I have money I go out and buy massive packages of salmon and cut it into portions to freeze, cans of soup, chia seeds, granola, pasta, etc. to have on hand for variety. Those grocery trips will set me back around $80 because I stock up every few months when I have a particularly large paycheque, but my regular trip gives me enough to supplement my stock-up trips for two weeks on about $35.

My best tip for grocery shopping with minimal money is to just completely avoid the inner aisles, not only are they full with horrendously unhealthy people checking out the processed garbage, but they’re overpriced and unnecessary. Hit the produce, fish/meat counter, bakery, and dairy and you’re done. Low-cal sugarfree fat free bullshit is so unchic, come on who wants to be seen throwing away tons of processed food wrappers when you can exist on a diet that’s almost entirely compostable? The environment is chic, there has to be some way to make up for your leather handbag/shoes/pants.

[ladietblonde]

There comes a time in every poor chic girl’s life when she has to make a crucial decision: chic and truly miserable, or moderately less chic but happy. I’m not talking like deciding between a designer’s cheap little sister label vs. the actual designer (think like Marc by Marc over Marc Jacobs) I’m talking about life things here, I’m talking about employment.

I’ve been technically working two jobs for the last three months, one consistently, giving me enough money to be chic enough to function, the other one was sporadic and leaving me poor, sad, and brutally un-chic. However the chic funding job was un-chic so there’s a total paradox right there. Basically the un-chic job that still paid off was becoming a really really brutal work environment, I was miserable at work, felt so uncomfortable around my coworkers, and had to work so hard just to avoid being put into any sort of social situation with them. Because of scheduling issues, I approached them about a compromise which didn’t go well, and I was actually ready to quit in a couple of weeks when I got a really ambiguous call the other day basically firing me. I know most people should be upset or angry about being fired from a job but I feel so good about it. I feel like someone had covered me in Forever 21 graphic tees for the time I was working there and I’m finally free of that and draped in Stella McCartney (whose A/W15 show was just perfect).

I’m still full of stress and incredibly busy but I felt this unchic update was completely necessary. It’s good to get fired sometimes, and it’s even better to realise how much more chic less money can make you because come on, there’s an acceptable level of miserable every chic girl should be, but that was approaching an unhealthy level.

[ladietblonde]

So I totally forgot this blog even existed. Let’s let that be a reflection of my mental state over the last year. (Stability is just like the psychological equivalent to cargo pants though – it may be kinda useful/practical but no one really wants to look at that shit and you can’t find cargo pants anywhere except like L.L. Bean and ew.) Get ready for a post you’ve read twice already: a chic introduction and brief summary of my desperation.

Any real life person after a lifetime of financial irresponsibility and over-intellectual entitlement/pretentiousness might at one point teach themselves how to get their shit together and develop some sense/cents but I’m here to tell you that that’s just not true. The only difference really is that instead of spending all my money on shoes I blow my pathetically small paycheques on overpriced makeup and skincare. My credit card is perpetually maxed out, my savings is a designer change purse with a few quarters and pence and euros inside, but my face is flawless and no one notices that your slip dress is two sizes too big when it’s layered under an oversized cashmere sweater and paired with $300 thigh-high boots.

In two months I’ll have a degree (because higher education is chic) and I’ll be (hopefully) going for another because I apply the same logic to academia as I do to shoes: you need at least two to survive in this world. Coming back here because I need some accountability, for every final paper I write (and there’s a lot of them) I’ll also give whatever readership I might have a post as well. I’ll grant you a glimpse into my life, what I do, what I eat, what I wear, and what my finances actually look like, in all their shameful glory. I’m going to pay off my credit card (which is now snipped up into tiny pieces that I definitely will not DIY into anything because ew pinterest is for pathetic bitches who can’t look good without way too much help/think milkmaid braids actually look good), and I’m going to save some money. Don’t ask me how I’m going to do it, just like everything else I do I’ll just make it happen. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have two essays to write and three martinis to drink. Thank god the whole tired-chic thing is now an aesthetic, because I look good when I’m overworked.