liimlsan

[liimlsan]

There is something extremely funny about how kids react to alt fashion in comparison to adults. Adults generally do not care and I am just Another Person In The Space, but kids lose their absolute mind. Examples include:

- The kid at Goodwill today who kept begging his dad to look at "the person with black lipstick" while his dad pointedly tried not to look at me but was obviously hoping I wouldn't notice.

- The kid at a DIFFERENT thrift store who gasped and kept waving at me while I was waiting for my fiance to finish trying on pants. I saw him tell his mom he saw a witch.

- The little girl who came up to me and my fiance and said, "No offense, but you look emo." My fiance was like, "Close enough!" and she very smugly went to go explain to her mom she was right.

- The three year old who saw me waiting for my fiance to pick me up from work, grinned, and loudly announced, "MOM LOOK A SLUT!"

[liimlsan]

[liimlsan]

It makes me happy when they listen

[liimlsan]

it's so funny how graffiti is like a non issue that effortlessly reveals peoples' reactionary tendencies.

[liimlsan]

[liimlsan]

last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere

i wasn’t joking

[liimlsan]

knitting tutorial made by a twenty-something knitting influencer: 18 min long, 12 of those minutes being the intro and a sponsor plug, they show the first few steps of the tutorial at the slowest speed known to man, they show the most important steps at a neck-break speed, they stop every five seconds to talk about what they just did, 40,000 comments filled with questions ranging from insightful to “how do i knit”, filmed with a camera that costs more than a car, the tutorial is incorrect.

knitting tutorial made by a seventy-something grandmother: two min long, filmed 17 years ago, shows you what you want with the skilled patient hands of a beloved deity, made with the world’s shittiest camera, the best video on the fucking internet, four comments and 30 views, you lose the video and never find it again.

[liimlsan]

when I see something dated 2019 I think “oh that’s not too long ago” and then I remember that 2019 was not only five years ago but those five years have somehow contained several lifetimes

[liimlsan]

THIS MORNING: one of our comrades from emory university that was arrested shared her experience, and what she saw her 22 other comrades experience, while in dekalb county jail. our comrades were subjected to racism, not given water for 12 hours despite vocalizing the water fountain didn't work, and silenced during court appearances.

[liimlsan]

when doctors ask if i have any history of cancer in my family and i have to say that yes my grandmother had 2 types of gastrointestinal cancer and they're like oh wow okay so we'll keep an eye out for that but i'm like no it was probably just all the nuclear radiation and they're like ok hm ok what the fuck do you mean and it's very weird seeing the look on american doctors' faces when you have to explain to them that believe it or not atomic bombs were dropped on this earth 2 generations ago and it did have consequences

[liimlsan]

Quiet Quitting is when you're not doing anything wrong but the vibes are off

[liimlsan]

The Big Three DC Superheroes are generally represented to be Wonder Woman, Superman, and Batman, whom, evaluating their core functions within their own stories, could be said to represent faith, hope, and charity respectively in that order in this essay I will—

[liimlsan]

People call him happy feet

But listen

How does a middle-aged man move his legs like that?? I mean, his knees are something else.

New addition:

[liimlsan]

"I would die for you, I would kill for you" okay but would you live for me. Would you go outside and watch the birds go by for me. Would you breathe in the air and savor it and think about how it tastes just that little bit sweeter for me. Would you stop self deprecating for me. Would you love yourself for me.

[liimlsan]

[liimlsan]

When people get a little too gung-ho about-

wait. cancel post. gung-ho cannot be English. where did that phrase come from? China?

ok, yes. gōnghé, which is…an abbreviation for “industrial cooperative”? Like it was just a term for a worker-run organization? A specific U.S. marine stationed in China interpreted it as a motivational slogan about teamwork, and as a commander he got his whole battalion using it, and other U.S. marines found those guys so exhausting that it migrated into English slang with the meaning “overly enthusiastic”.

That’s…wild. What was I talking about?

[liimlsan]

Had a 'fun' new experience today in the form of my first ever mammogram because I found a lump on my chest a few weeks ago, and when you find a lump, you get that shit checked out.

Ironically, the lump I went to get investigated turned out to be nothing, likely just a cyst that made its way to the surface, but they did find something else on the scan that requires me to do a follow-up ultrasound in six months. The doctor stressed that it is most likely a fibroid, but given my family history of breast cancer and general weird health fuckery, they're being vigilant and keeping an eye on it.

The mammogram itself was fine. The technician doing it kept complimenting me on the "pliable" nature of my breast tissue and how easy it was to smoosh me into the machine. I was like thanks, I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome; my body is basically made of only slightly more reinforced laffy taffy.

She said, "That explains that," and then proceeded to smush my tits into a pancake. Apparently, they were the most compliant tits she's worked with. I said thank you because what else can you do in that situation. And then she asked me if I wanted to know how much they weighed, and I said boy, do I?!

So she started reading off the results and was like, "17.7 lbs," and I was like, gosh, no wonder they feel so heavy, and then she kept talking and said, "And the other one weighs..."

And that's when I realized she didn't mean total.

She meant one boob was 17.7lbs.

So in case you've ever wanted to know, my right boob weighs 17.7 lbs, and my left one weighs 17.3 lbs, bringing the grand weight hanging off my chest to an even 35 lbs.

The tech was like "gosh! That's a lot for someone of your size!" and I was like "ya fucking think?!"

For a frame of reference, I weigh 136 lbs total. One-quarter of my weight is tits.

I am one-quarter titty.

And I'm telling that to the next doctor who suggests I lose weight.

Anyway. Remember to do regular breast exams, and don't be afraid of mammograms. Yes, they're checking for cancer, but they also tell you fun things like how much your chest weighs and whether or not your boobs are compliant.