madgirl-without-abluebox

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Exactly two people on the planet are allowed to wear a wifebeater tucked into jeans

That will be all; I won’t be taking questions.

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in el tango de roxanne when the narcoleptic argentinian goes “ROOOOOOXANNE” and ewan mcgregor is like “WHYYYYY DOES MY HEART CRY” and the violins are just freaking out in the background that’s the most intense moment in film history

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social media was a good development because back in ancient greece it didn’t exist and people would just be yelling their opinions in the city square instead and the only way to block them was murder or exile

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ghostbusters are always like who are you gunna call? ghostbusters! but it’s hard enough to call the doctor’s office i’m not gunna call the ghostbusters i’d just live with a ghost in my house forever

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shoutout to me for still not having my driver’s license

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James: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?

Sirius: I’m a knife.

Remus, from across the room: He’s a little spoon.

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Person A: I- I think I’m in love with you

Person B: What do you mean you think? I’m a god damn miracle. You should know you’re in love with me.

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Person A: I have a plan.

Person B: Does it involve us not getting into trouble?

Person A: I said I had a plan, not a miracle.

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Person A: If karma won't fuck you, I will.

Person B: Is this a pickup line or a threat?

Person A: Both.

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Sirius: I completely stand by what I said when I was drunk.

Remus: You were yelling at me about how we don’t deserve ducklings.

Sirius: Listen. We live in a cruel, disgusting world that is dark and angry. Have you seen a duckling, Moony? They are soft, fluffy and pure.

Remus: ...are you crying?

Sirius: They are entirely too pure for this ugly world. We must protect them.

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Inspired by @its-hp-bitch

I tried to add the hyperlink to the original post but stupid Tumblr mobile don’t let me, sorry:(

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Sirius: *playing out of tune guitar*

Remus: Do you take requests?

Sirius: Sure.

Remus: Please stop.

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Serious Puns

1st year:

James: So I'm thinking we all need to dye our hair red and gold.

Remus: You're not serious.

Sirius: No, but I am!

2nd year:

James: Peter, the joke's gotten pretty old, don't you think it's time to stop?

Peter: Oh come on James, don't be so serious, that's this one's job! *points to Sirius*

3rd year:

James: (polyjuiced to look like Sirius) Ok, so you're sure you can ace my Astrology exam?

Sirius: (polyjuiced to look like James) As sure as you are about my Potions exam!

Remus: I can't believe you're actually going through with this. I thought you were joking.

James: Moony, I have never been this Sirius in my life.

Remus: I hate you all.

4th year:

Sirius: Hey Moony, I don't think I've ever heard you make a joke about my name.

Remus: Puns are the lowest form of humor.

Peter: Bullshit! You make other puns all the time!

Remus: Maybe I just don't like going for the low-hanging fruit.

James: Hey now, I'll have you know I take my puns very seriously!

Sirius: I do everything Sirius-ly.

Remus: *sighs*

5th year:

Lily: Why don't any of you ever use the word "serious?"

Sirius: They can't say it with a straight face anymore. It's a Sirius problem.

Remus: *rolls his eyes, smiling* You're awful.

6th year:

Lily: *storms in, glaring at James* Singing roses? Delivered in class? Are you fucking serious?

Remus: No, I'm fucking Sirius.

Sirius: ...Wait, that's what you meant when you said you wanted to wait until the right moment to tell them? You were letting me mope about keeping a secret from our friends for weeks, just so you could make that joke?

Remus: ...Yes.

Sirius: I think I'm in love with you.

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Sirius: I am really bothered by the fact that gay marriage is illegal just because some people think it's disgusting. I think peas are disgusting but we're noT MAKING THAT ILLEGAL ARE WE!

James: What's wrong with you, peas are delicious.

Remus: Gay people are delicious too.

Sirius: no dessert for you until you eat all your gays.

Lily, just walking in: what

Remus, deadpan: be quiet and eat your gays

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I’m a sensitive little demon

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Every Doctor Who logo from 1963 to 2018

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Millions of years yet to come and in all dimensions I know that you’ll always be my happy ending