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madijcm · 2 months

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TBOSAS on Crack short take (71)

*Escorts are tour guides, right?*

Prof.Sickle: Children, sit down. I am here today to tell you-

Gaius: Is it P.E already?!

Felix: I’m allergic to pushups!

Hilarius: Are we dancing again?

Florus: I’m a fragile baby!

Festus: I don’t want to run laps!

Coryo: I’m not ready!

Sejanus: Babe, you’re never ready. You hate P.E.

Coryo: Of course I hate it. I’m sh*t at running.

Lysistrata: And climbing.

Clemensia: And jumping.

Domitia: And throwing.

Iphigenia: And-

Coryo: I already know that I suck at gymnastics, okay?!

Iphigenia: You’re so skinny, Coryo.

Coryo: Thanks. You too.

Vipsania: I love P.E.😊

Juno: Of course you do, Ney Ney. Of course you do.🙄

Palmyra: What’s P.E? Is it pie?

Livia: Obviously.

Prof.Sickle: Settle down. Gym class was yesterday.

Coryo: Oh, thank Panem.

Festus: Thank you, Panem!

Vipsania: Curse you, Panem!

Prof.Sickle: Right. I’m here to tell you brats that-

Urban: Professor, is this about the bastard who stole our pretty little red skirts yesterday?

Dennis: Oh, yeah! I almost forgot about our missing skirts! So where are they?

Palmyra: Were they stolen by Dean Highbottom?😀

Io: Was it the janitor?

Florus: Was it Plinth?

Sejanus: It wasn’t me.

Florus: Was it Strabo Plinth?!

Sejanus: What the heck, Flory!

Felix: Don’t tell me it was Hilari’s creepy old man again!

Hilarius: It wasn’t.

Felix: Don’t jinx it, Heavensbee!

Arachne: It was Professor Demi-Dementia-Gloss, wasn’t it?

Gaius: I hope not.

Prof.Sickle: Who?

Coryo: Professor Demigloss. Was he the skirt stealer all along? I mean, he does have a “secret” spy cam teddy bear sitting inside his office.

Androcles: I stole it.

Prof.Sickle: You stole the old man’s teddy bear?

Androcles: Yup! I stole Mr. Fluffy Feet just because.

Prof.Sickle: Just because?!

Androcles: It’s now hiding inside Dr. Gaul’s “totally legal” creepy laboratory by the way.

Sejanus: Nice! Good job, Andie!

Prof.Sickle: You hid what where?!

Androcles: For science.

Felix: And research.

Io: Peace and love!

Coryo: We want the monster gone.

Prof.Sickle: What the heck are you brats even spouting about?!

Urban: Somebody stole our skirts in the changing room yesterday and that bastard has to pay for it!

Hilarius: And just to clarify-

Prof.Sickle: Clarify what?

Hilarius: This time, it wasn’t me.

Prof.Sickle: This time?!

Hilarius: I’m pretty sure that I was drunk and high on morphling the last time I stole a red skirt from someone other than Coryo or Urban-

Urban: Hilari, did you steal my f*ckin’ red skirt again?!

Hilarius: Do I look like a skirt stealer to you?

Everyone: Yes, yes you do.

Urban: Heavensbee!

Hilarius: No, I did not!

Pup: Not this time.

Urban: F*ck you, you freak!

Hilarius: Ban Ban, I swear to Panem that I didn’t steal your sh*tty red skirt!

Urban: Prove it!

Hilarius: I was with Sejanus and Coryo when the skirt stealing happened!

Sejanus: He’s telling the truth.

Coryo: We were stretching.

Hilarius: Coryo was crying.

Coryo: I wasn’t! It was just sweat!

Hilarius: Snowy was wailing because he can’t finish 10 pushups without his boyfriend’s help.

Sejanus: *giggles* I touched Coryo’s ✨sacred ankles✨. They were so frail and skinny.🥰

Lysistrata: That’s hot.

Hilarius: See!

Coryo: Shut up, Heavensbee!

Hilarius: Seji Pie was also taking pictures of Coryo’s sweaty body and backside.

Sejanus: I was!😍

Coryo: Babe, please!

Sejanus: I love gym class!

Hilarius: And I was busy taking pictures of Coryo’s pretty feet.

Clemensia: We don’t want to know!

Lysistrata: I want to know.

Dennis: Are the pictures for sale?

Sejanus: How much?

Hilarius: 50 bucks for a set of Snowy’s feet pics and sexy skinny shoulders.

Coryo: What the actual f*ck, Hilari! My sexy shoulders and porcelain feet are not for sale!

Hilarius: I need money!😫

Coryo: We all need money!

Hilarius: But I’m poor!

Coryo: Aren’t you rich?!

Hilarius: My evil parents kicked me out of the family’s ✨Queen Bee Mansion✨, remember?!

Coryo: You still have your savings!

Hilarius: My creepy old man and mommy confiscated all of my possessions and froze my bank accounts too!😭

Coryo: Then cry harder!

Festus: Coryo, don’t be too mean. Heavensbee can’t even pay rent or feed himself without me dumpster diving for free food coupons.

Hilarius: I’ll pay you back!

Festus: No, you won’t.

Hilarius: Someday!

Pup: How the might have fallen.

Livia: So who was lurking and dancing inside the changing room before you, Loser Bee?

Hilarius: Anderson-

Livia: Not that I care. I have a million extra skirts in my closet.

Dennis: We know, Liv.

Livia: Just saying.😌💅

Everyone: *suspiciously side eyes Androcles*😒

Sejanus: Andie, did you perhaps-

Androcles: I’m innocent! I swear on my mother’s crimes and camera crew that I’m innocent!

Coryo: On your mother’s crimes?!

Androcles: Yeah. My weird mommy blackmails people for a living.😔

Coryo: Oh. That’s why you’re rich.

Juno: Like mother, like son.

Androcles: I don’t blackmail! I “borrow” stuff and don’t return them for a long period of time!

Juno: Same thing, you crook.

Androcles: They’re not the same!

Lysistrata: Anderson, just tell us the truth. Did you steal our skirts yesterday?

Androcles: I may have stolen your pens, notebooks, plushies, car keys, lipsticks, wallets, and erasers before-

Felix: Andie!

Androcles: But I am not a pervy skirt stealer like Hilari!

Hilarius: For the last time, I am not a pervy skirt stealer!

Prof.Sickle: Children, quiet!

Androcles: Professor, I’m not done confessing my crimes and defending my poor innocent self yet!

Prof.Sickle: Mr. Anderson!

Clemensia: Innocent?! Andie, you’re literally telling Panem what you’ve stolen from this class yesterday!

Androcles: Which makes me innocent!

Clemensia: How are you this dumb?! Who made you this stupid?!

Androcles: Why are you even bullying ✨The Amazing Andie Anderson✨ anyway?! What did I do to deserve your wrath?!

Clemensia: You’re a crook!

Androcles: Is this because I stole your little fluffy bunny plushies last week?!

Clemensia: You stole my pretty Mr. Paris Patty?!

Androcles: And your most cherished Mrs. Helen Melon! Happy?!

Clemensia: You kidnapped Mrs. Helen Melon too?! You monster!

Felix: Andie, please shut up. You’re just making things worse.😞

Clemensia: *tackles Androcles to the ground* You b*tch! Where are my expensive fluffy bunny plushies?!

Androcles: Clemmie, get off me! You’re crushing my ribs!😭

Clemensia: *starts choking Androcles* where’s my pretty little Mr. Paris Patty?!

Androcles: *is choking* I- I don’t know! Felix, help me!😫

Felix: Clemmie, please stop choking the school’s local klepto on broad daylight!

Clemensia: You liar! Where’s my lovely Mrs. Helen Melon?!

Felix: They’re both hiding and drinking expensive champagne inside Andie’s secret closet right now!

Clemensia: Are they?!

Felix: No. I just made that up.

Androcles: Clemmie, I’m sorry! I- I’ll give them back! Promise!

Clemensia: Really?

Androcles: Maybe.

Prof.Sickle: Mr. Anderson!

Androcles: Clemmie is killing me! She’s killing me without remorse!

Hilarius: Lol. I’m recording this.

Festus: Nice! Send me a clear copy, will you?

Hilarius: 20 bucks.

Festus: Pay your rent!

Juno: I’m telling Capitol News.

Prof.Sickle: Ms. Dovecote, please stop choking Mr. Anderson-

Clemensia: Never!

Coryo: Clemmie!

Clemensia: Not before this little b*tch gives me back Mr. Paris Patty and Mrs. Helen Melon!

Prof.Sickle: Ms. Dovecote, do you want me to give you 5 demerits right now?!

Clemensia: *stops choking Androcles* No. I’m allergic to demerits.

Prof.Sickle: Then I will have to tell Dean Highbottom about your weird behavior today.

Clemensia: Please don’t! I’m allergic to drunk delusional people!

Prof.Sickle: Then sit down!

Clemensia: Fine! But this isn’t over, Andie. This isn’t over!

Androcles: I still didn’t steal no skirts though! I still didn’t steal no skirts!

Felix: Andie!

Androcles: I’m an innocent baby! I’m a pure little lamb surrounded by mean snakey snakeys!

Persephone: Am I a cute snakey snakey too?😀

Androcles: No. You’re more like a deranged coyote on crack.

Persephone: At least I’m fluffy.😞

Prof.Sickle: *sighs* Peace at last.

Livia: Peace my ass.

Prof.Sickle: Ugh. I’m just gonna make this short. You brats will be providing food and other essential supplies for your Tributes throughout the Hunger Games-

Felix: What?! What do you mean throughout the Hunger Games?!

Prof.Sickle: Starting today, you brats are going to be their official escorts and food suppliers.

Festus: Escorts? What’s an escort?

Palmyra: Escorts?! That sounds fun!

Pup: Are we getting paid to escort?

Hilarius: Am I getting paid?!

Florus: Are we going to take our Tributes on dates?!

Prof.Sickle: Dates?

Florus: Yeah. Like take them to the best restaurants and buy them expensive clothes and stuff. . .

Prof.Sickle: Why would you even-

Coryo: *raises hand* Professor, I already have a rich sugar daddy. So I can’t go on romantic dates with my Tribute.

Sejanus: I’m Coryo’s sugar daddy-

Prof.Sickle: We know, Mr. Plinth.🙄

Festus: And I’m dating Percy Price!

Persephone: Meow.

Festus: She’s a cat right now.

Coryo: All I’m saying is that Lucy Gray can’t be my side chick. She’s a bird! And I’m allergic to talking rainbow birds!

Urban: Same.

Sejanus: My Coryo, my love, Marcus and Lucy Gray can go on a double date with us!🥰

Coryo: Babe, Marcus will probably kill you and burn your body before that happens.

Sejanus: He’s just shy.

Coryo: And Lucy Goosey is currently in love with Panlo’s hair curlers.

Sejanus: She’s just crazy.

Palmyra: Like me!☺️

Domitia: No, Monty. Not like you.

Palmyra: Why?🥺

Domitia: You’re clinically insane.

Palmyra: Like Coryo and Felix and Festus and Percy and Hilari and Flory and Urban and Ney Ney and Nia and Lizzie and-

Domitia: We get it! We’re all clinically insane!

Clemensia: Except for me. I’m the normal one.

Androcles: Doubt.

Prof.Sickle: Right. You’re also expected to use your class fund-

Felix: But our poor class fund is on life support!

Io: We’re already planning its funeral.

Prof.Sickle: Then use your rich family’s money!

Felix: I can’t! The Vice President of Panem will disown me!😭

Prof.Sickle: Your mother will disown you?

Felix: She’s allergic to charity, freedom, and poor people!

Coryo: Oh, Panem, help me! I’m poor! I’m f*ckin’ poor!

Hilarius: Same.

Festus: My pet rats and I can’t even afford a new mattress!

Prof.Sickle: Well, that’s not my problem. This is your punishment for almost forcing Dr. Gaul to resign from her position as the esteemed head of our government’s War Department.

Florus: Almost?!

Felix: She didn’t resign?!

Prof.Sickle: Unfortunately.

Coryo: That’s too bad. Now we have to make another plan.

Prof.Sickle: What was that?

Coryo: Nothing. My fiancé just gave me another electric fan.

Sejanus: I did?!

Coryo: Do you want a kiss?

Sejanus: I do!😍

Io: So. . . Are escorts tour guides?

Hilarius: Am I going to start wearing a sexy dress to get paid?

Coryo: I don’t care. I look good in a sexy dress.

Sejanus: I can buy you a hundred sexy dresses, my love!😍

Pro.Sickle: Ugh. I give up. Somebody get me a gallon of pure whiskey. I need to get drunk AF.

Florus: By the way, where’s Apollo and Diana? I haven’t seen them since yesterday.

Felix: Yeah! You’re right. Where are the Ring Twins?

*Meanwhile, at the Ring Mansion*

Apollo: Diana, my dearest sister.

Diana: Yes, dear brother?

Apollo: Why is Urban’s red skirt hanging on our front porch like a cute bloody war flag?

Diana: Oh, that’s just my new art piece.

Apollo: The installation kind?

Diana: Yup!☺️

Apollo: But why is Coryo’s sl*tty skirt under your pillow?

Diana: It smells like roses.🥰

Apollo: And why is our mother’s golden statue wearing our Class President’s cute mini skirt?

Diana: The skirt of Felix Ravinstill is a symbol of power.

Apollo: And where did you get those? *points at Diana’s plastic bag of red skirts*

Diana: Our classmates gave them to me for free.

Apollo: Really?

Diana: Maybe.

Apollo: Okay! So can I wear them?😀

Diana: Sure!

Apollo: Yey! Free skirts!

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madijcm · 2 months

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TBOSAS on Crack! ✨essential information✨

⭐️❄️⭐️

FIRST off, in honor of the book and its movie release, TBOSAS on Crack is solely (just) created as a JOKE!Alternative Universe that focuses more on the 24 OG Mentors of the 10th Hunger Games. This includes the funny/romantic misunderstandings of Coriolanus Snow and Sejanus Plinth that gave everyone the impression that they were actually “secretly” dating, and are indeed boyfriends (until they honestly were).

In addition, this Crack!AU will tell you the compelling story of how a bunch of delinquents “accidentally” stopped the Hunger Games from continuing, just because of a certain Mentor’s ✨nepotism✨.

MORE or less, most of the characters in the book are the same when it comes to their personalities and backstories. Well, except for our Mentors. They’re a bunch of crackhead Capitol kids with too much fun and stress on their hands. They even almost made Dean Highbottom and Dr. Gaul quit their respective jobs.

ALSO, these young walking disasters are not “all there” in the head. Heck! Half of them went crazy years ago because of the infamous 2 year Capitol Siege by the rebels that almost starved them all to death. Just ask Coryo Snow and Persephone. But as for the other half, let’s just say that all they want to do is eat, drink, party, and ✨graduate✨.

Here is a quick character info: [Read Me]

Here are their visuals: [Read Me]

Here’s the Hunger Games Origin: [Read Me]

Here’s their playlist: [Read Me]

Here are their ✨Code Names✨: [Read Me]

And here’s Dean Highbottom’s take: [Read Me]

Here’s that Epic The Musical Post: [Read Me]

Here’s the fate of District 13: [Read Me]

PS: For sanity’s sake, no Mentor or Tribute will be dying in this Crack!AU. No one gets killed! Bombs will still explode inside the Capitol Arena, but our crazy kids will wear the thickest plot armor EVER, just because I’m their only sponsor!🤣

Read the Cracks here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78,

The cracks are not in chronological order, but someday they will. . .

MOREOVER, this Crack!AU includes the following:

The accidental birth of ✨Snowjanus✨!😘

Also known as Corjanus, SnowPlinth, CabbageBread, The Grandma’am golden ticket to a rich life, and Strabo’s not so secret plan to rule all of Panem through his only son’s marriage to Crassus Snow’s boy.

Coryo Snow malfunctioning for the hundredth time because of how forward and shamelessly romantic Sejanus Plinth is.

“Fine! I’ll marry into money! I’m sick of eating cabbages anyway!”

“Stop throwing bread to the dead, Sejanus Plinth! Throw it to the living!”

The Mentors (intentionally) delaying the Hunger Games from officially starting because of their nonstop shenanigans with their Tributes (much to Dr. Gaul and her Gamemaker’s frustration).🤣

The Tributes slowly accepting (and sometimes rejecting) the fact that their Mentors are just a bunch of “dramatic nepotistic crazy clowns” who refuse to learn basic social cues.

The 10th Hunger Games being officially postponed (over and over again) because of Felix Ravinstill’s ✨nepotism✨ working overtime.😌💅

In truth, the Gamemakers were “forced” to stop the countdown (over and over again) because half of the Mentors illegally barged into the control room without Dr. Gaul’s permission. Afterwards, Felix just used the excuse of “My granduncle is the President of Panem, I can do whatever I want” card to postpone the games.

Lucy Gray ignoring the personal space of her fellow annoyed Tributes (and everyone she meets), just because she’s “Covey” and quirky.

The poor underpaid Capitol Peacekeepers wanting a salary increase, vacation, and promotion because they have been dealing with the Mentors’ extra curricular criminal activities for far too long.

All the Mentors (excluding Livia and Arachne) being genuine ✨Besties✨ to each other since their grade school days.

Livia Cardew only calls her classmates either witches or idiots.

Festus Creed being the real ✨Dumpster Diving Capitol Rat King✨ and the best free cheesecake coupon hoarder of the century.

“Dumpster Diving for free food coupons is a common school activity, officer!”

The Academy? More like ✨The Academy of Arts✨💅.

Everyone wanting to secretly major in ✨Theatre & Drama✨.

Crazy but rich AF Sejanus Plinth and his unhealthy obsession of being Coryo Snow’s beloved boyfriend, fiancé, sugar daddy, baby daddy, and future husband.

Ma Plinth slowly becoming the food benefactor of the Mentors. #feedmeMa

Coriolanus Snow and Lucy Gray being the best of friends who love to sh*t talk about their boyfriends every time they meet.

Seriously, Coryo and Lucy Gray are just friends here. Everyone knows that crazy Sejanus Plinth will strangle anyone who tries to flirt with his gorgeous Snow Bae sugar baby fiancé.

Lucy Gray genuinely liking the Mentors for their chaotic ✨dramatic✨ personalities.

Sejanus Plinth shamelessly calling his darling Coryo “Babe, My love, Snow Angel, Snow Bae, Snowy, Snow Baby, Sweetheart” in front of everyone and their dogs.

The Mentors randomly coming up to Lucy Gray and asking her to sing banned songs from the early 2000s.

Strabo Plinth’s unhealthy obsession with the Snow family. Apparently, he and the ever gorgeous Crassus Snow were very close “friends” and the best “roommates” back in their military days. They were busy “stargazing” and playing with their rifles all night if you know what I mean.😏

The Grandma’am and Strabo Plinth being the true evil geniuses of the Capitol.😈

Strabo Plinth insisting Coryo to marry into his family and change their surnames to ✨The Great Plinth-Snow Dynasty✨, just because it sounds more powerful.

Coryo Snow accidentally convincing his beloved sugar daddy boyfriend (Crazy Sejanus Plinth) to become the future ✨President of Panem✨ (after Felix).

Tigris and The Grandma’am selling Coryo’s hand in marriage to the Plinth family. They genuinely believe that old man Strabo Plinth will lower the food prices if Sejanus marries Coryo for the sake of Panem.

Tigris Snow finally quitting her job (she got fired for being a weird cheese addict) and happy dancing for a whole week when she heard that her sweet little Coryo will marry into the Plinth family fortune.

Tigris, the Grandma’am, and Ma Plinth planning the ultimate ✨Snowjanus Royal Wedding of The Century✨.

The Grandma’am and evil Strabo Plinth scheming together to rule Panem and its people through ✨The Great SnowPlinth Union✨.

Ma Plinth wanting at least 5 beautiful grandchildren out of The Great SnowPlinth Union, while Strabo and the Grandma’am demanded 2 dozen (and more). #24&More

Lysistrata Vickers being the founder and President of the Capitol’s SnowPlinth/Snowjanus Official Fan Club.

Lucy Gray supporting and promising Coryo Snow that she and her Covey will sing the best banned love songs at his wedding.

Reaper Ash being labeled as the “weird one” by his fellow crazy Tributes.

Treech and Vipsania Sickle being the best gym bros for some unknown reason.

Marcus trying (and failing) to ignore the annoying existence of Sejanus Plinth.

Lysistrata Vickers having dibs as Coryo’s official ✨Maid of Honor✨. Apparently, poor cheese addict Tigris Snow was tragically outvoted by the very influential and powerful SnowPlinth/Snowjanus Fan Club members out of jealousy.🥲

Festus Creed and Tigris Snow fighting for the position of ✨Best Man✨ through an epic ✨Dance-off Battle✨💃🕺.

Apollo Ring being forced to be Coryo’s ring bearer because of his surname. Honestly, Gaius Breen and Androcles Anderson just peer pressured him for fun.

Livia Cardew planning to crash Coryo’s wedding for the expensive wine.

The Mentors and Tributes avoiding the “Arena Bomb Explosion Incident” because of Palmyra Monty’s dangerous existence.

Androcles Anderson being a proud professional kleptomaniac.

Lucky Flickerman wanting to quit his job. Apparently, the self proclaimed magic man was extremely unprepared to face and deal with the Mentors’ collective stupidity.😭

The Gamemakers forgetting to edit out Sejanus Plinth’s little arena stunt.

“Marcus was just sleeping, Sejanus! He’s still alive, you idiot Plinth! We freaking postponed the games!”

“For the last time! Don’t kiss Coriolanus Xanthos Snow on LIVE TV! There are freaking kids and dogs watching!”

Coryo and Sejanus shamelessly kissing, hugging, and being dramatic AF inside the Capitol Arena, while poor Marcus and the others are left sitting on the stands annoyed and confused AF.

Dean Casca Highbottom intentionally calling poor Coryo “Crassus Xanthos Snow” out of spite and out of regret (and because he’s still madly and deeply in love with the ever gorgeous Crassus Snow).

Drunk Highbottom living and swimming in denial since the infamous ✨#Crasca4Ever! University Breakup✨.😔

Coryo Snow successfully convincing a drunk Highbottom not to expel him by pretending to be Crassus Snow. He later regrets doing it.

Drunk!Casca not being able to correctly pronounce half all of his students’ names.

Festus Creed and Androcles Anderson receiving a lot of demerits and expulsion letters from the Dean. However, they still go to school and join their class discussions like nothing happened.

Casca Highbottom banning the Mentors from attending ✨The Academy’s Annual Students Teachers Meeting✨ (forever) because of the infamous Heavensbee Hall Flooding Incident.

Coryo Snow secretly trading his cabbages for banned music albums at the Capitol Black Market.

The banned song “Heaven Is A Place On Earth” accidentally playing on repeat inside the Capitol Arena because Felix Ravinstill forgot to detach his phone from Dr. Gaul’s master speaker.

“Snow On The Beach” stealing the top spot on the Capitol Billboard Hot 100 because of Coryo Snow and Lucy Gray’s final performance inside the Capitol Arena.

The Mentors trolling Lucky Flickerman and Lepidus Malmsey for the hundredth time.

Hilarius Heavensbee secretly collects movie records from the early 2000s. His favorite banned film is ✨Legally Blonde✨.

Io Jasper and Urban Canville being a bunch of shameless nerds who can’t properly communicate with each other.

Professor Sickle trying to convince Drunk!Casca Highbottom to give her a raise and promotion for tolerating the Mentors’ shenanigans and stupidity.

Crazy Palmyra Monty forever mentally and emotionally scarring her classmates (especially Florus Friend) with her homemade poisonous snacks.

Florus Friend fearing and avoiding Palmyra Monty’s accursed deadly bread rolls and expired sandwiches.

Felix Ravinstill being a genuine good friend and great Class President to everyone.

Dennis Fling asking poor sensitive Felix to beg for some illegal ✨Miracle Pills✨ from Lysistrata to cure Hy and Dill’s respiratory related illnesses.

Everyone knows that Persephone Price willingly ate that infamous “Maid Stew” that her father made for them to survive.

Festus Creed’s ✨PerseFest✨ agenda.

Dairy Heiress Domitia Whimsiwick fawning over Tanner’s skills and biceps.

Coral perfecting her somersault to impress the Capitol crowd and her idiot Mentor.

The Mentors pretending to be stupid whenever they attend Dr. Gaul’s class.

Dr. Gaul giving up on grooming poor Coryo Snow to become her successor because she realized that his brain doesn’t work properly whenever he’s with Sejanus.

Poor homeless Hilarius Heavensbee getting disowned and kicked out of the ✨Queen Bee Mansion✨ by his evil weirdo parents for being a loser nuisance towards his smarter and perfect younger brother.

Livia and Arachne convincing themselves that Casca Highbottom is actually Coryo Snow’s true sugar daddy.

Meanwhile, Florus Friend thinks Strabo Plinth is the real sugar daddy of poor Coryo Snow and homeless Hilarius Heavensbee.

Dr. Gaul openly wanting to strangle the Mentors for acting being stupid.

Urban Canville’s secret mission to strangle Lucky Flickerman and his annoying bird.

Felix Ravinstill being the favorite darling grandnephew son of President Gran Gran.

Festus winning the position of ✨Class Representative✨. Apparently, Creed only won because Sejanus “accidentally” locked Urban Canville inside a bathroom stall.

Persephone Price and Mizzen being the best pizza partners in crime. Somebody, these two idiots will rule all of Panem with their ruthless ✨Pizza Palace Empire✨.

Drunk!Coryo genuinely believes that Felix Ravinstill is the current President of Panem.

Drunk!Sejanus, Drunk!Coryo, Drunk!Festus, and Drunk!Lysistrata acting like shameless fools in front of their Tributes. The poor and underpaid Peacekeepers were not amused.

Festus Creed and Sejanus Plinth stripping on broad daylight because of the summer heat.

Reaper Ash praying for some normalcy and mental peace every day.

Jessup and Sheaf talking and singing with the Capitol’s “sacred” rabid raccoons and wild squirrels in order to stay sane.

Mizzen being a terrible little gremlin.

The Mentors trying to recreate The Hunger Games until ✨Panemvision✨ was born.

Livia’s own version of The Hungers Games is basically ✨Love Island✨ on crack and steroids.

Because of the awful “Love Island” idea, the rest of the Mentors had to write a serious 20 page essay on why the Hunger Games should be recreated/revamped into a true reality TV show with a “no killing, no gore, no cannibalism” policy.

The Mentors trying to convince the School Board Members, the Government Officials, and crazy President Ravinstill to change the 10th Hunger Games into a non-deadly talent show to increase viewership and sponsors.

Moreover, Coryo strongly defended the proposal by having Lucy Gray successfully sing in front of a live audience (again) on TV. Billy Taupe was the only one who got offended (again).

Meanwhile, the rest of the Mentors also convinced their Tributes to show off their talents that same day. That was Reaper’s 2nd worst day of the week.😂

Dean Highbottom only supported the proposal because it reminded him of his wild karaoke clubbing days with his drop dead gorgeous lover. You know who it was.😏 #Crasca4Ever #crassusmylove #SnowBottom

Clemensia Dovecote also backs their weird essays by simply stating that killing children will only make the Districts hate the Capitol more. However, if they provide “real entertainment” without the violence, then the Districts might warm up to them.

In addition, Sejanus proposed that the winner of the contest will be made a ✨STAR of PANEM✨! 🤩

And as the ✨Star of Panem✨, he/she will be given monetary support and a lifetime supply of cabbages and lima beans by the Capitol.

Meanwhile, the losers will only get 10 boxes of pizza, 2 gallons of orange soda, one body bag of sandwiches (made by Ma Plinth) as a reward for “willingly” participating.

Juno Phipps then added a “rule” stating that no Tribute shall be punished (or killed) because the losers must live and remember their humiliation on television for the rest of their lives.😈

Coryo and Clemmie also proposed that each Tribute must have a Prep Team and Stylist to make them presentable for Lucky Flickerman’s Late Night Show with Jubilee.

Finally, Felix Ravinstill and Dennis Fling closed their arguments by stating: “That being forced to sing and perform ON STAGE and on LIVE TV, which could be replayed over and over again, even after death, especially for Tributes who couldn’t save their own pride and dignity for all of Panem to remember, is the worst punishment one could freely give to one’s enemy. They won’t even be allowed to forget how they had wronged you.”

After hearing the Mentors’ closing argument, Dr. Gaul was ready to end it all and commit bloody murder in front of everyone.😡🔪

But after some deliberation, President Ravinstill (and his puppies) approved the Mentors’ proposal and changed the Hungers Games into the ✨HGASC✨ (Hunger Games: Annual Singing Contest).

However, the Grandma’am and Strabo Plinth insisted that they should just officially call it ✨PANEMVISION✨.

Meanwhile, Dr. Gaul tried to persuade President Ravinstill (again) to reconsider the Mentors’ stupid proposals.

However, she was outvoted by both the School Board Committee and the Capitol’s highest ranking government officials, just because everyone (but her) wanted to see what “true entertainment” really looks like on screen.

Livia Cardew even defended everyone’s ideas nonstop because, according to her, there was a lack of spicy entertainment in the Capitol. Damn the rules! This is the Capitol! We want ✨Love Island✨ type of dramas! Where are the ✨Real Housewives of Corso✨?! F*ck the Hunger Games! Give us the 90 Day Fiancé from the Districts!

And that’s how the Mentors “accidentally” ended the Hunger Games and gave birth to the most popular and craziest reality TV show in the weird history of Panem.

As for every Quarter Quell, let’s just say, it’s gonna be a true ✨SHOW STOPPER✨!

The first ✨HGASC/PANEMVISION✨ Quarter Quell will have the Mentors reap kids from both Capitol and District. Afterwards, one District Tribute will be paired with one Capitol Tribute to perform a special duet act (whether they like it or not).

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madijcm · 2 months

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Reblog to tell zionists to fuck off your blog. If you say you aren't a zionist but still get offended then uhhh sorry hun but this is exactly for you <3

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madijcm · 2 months

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From instructions on how to opt out, look at the official staff post on the topic. It also gives more information on Tumblr's new policies. If you are opting out, remember to opt out each separate blog individually.

Please reblog this post, so it will get more votes!

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madijcm · 3 months

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It’s still happening. The genocide is still happening and we as humans can’t continue to let this slide by, while everyday lives are taken. Something must give.

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madijcm · 7 months

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sub!luffy x fem!reader

dom!fem!reader with sub!luffy? hmmm..

req ♡ : sub!luffy getting fucked silly by another captain of a rival crew who's also trying to find the one piece, and luffy being all needy and stupid.

mary ♡ : thanks for the request and sorry if it was too long ! 💌 i hope you enjoy everything, i tried really hard ! love luffy too much <3

english is not my first language, i apologize for my mistakes ♡

rules ; masterlist

your hips keep pounding against luffy's thighs, ignoring his pleas to stop, because he can't cum anymore, but can he? his cock is throbbing inside you, and legs are trying to pound into you themselves to fill you all over.

"y/n, please make me feel good, only you can do that, ah-h" luffy tried to say something intelligible, but nothing came out, it felt too good that his brain refused to think. he didn't remember how many times he had cum, three, four or five? you clouded his mind, he could only think about you and your soft cunnie that was so right for his big cock.

you picked up your pace with each passing second, realizing that you were close to orgasm, but it wasn't your plan to show that to luffy, you just needed a map and some information about the one piece, but instead you were bouncing on some strange boy whose cock surprised you as much as he did.

"your body was made for me, wasn't it sweetie? i know just what to do to make you cum like you've never cum before, hehe." your lips descended on luffy's nipples, leaving wet kisses on them and lifting up to his chin "just tell me anything i want to hear and i'll even let you cum inside me, isn't that a gift, darling?"

when you stopped you felt luffy's hands grasp you sharply and his eyes became glassy, he started to cry and tried to make you resume your pace, but you continued to sit and wait for the answer to your question, running your finger over the places where you had left your marks for everyone else, with your claw you left the name of your team, that's how everyone would know whose slut luffy really was.

yours.

he was your whore from the first moment you met him, at the bar, the night you sought out zoro and offered to join you, but he was a son of a bitch and left you to your own devices until a strange guy came along and tried to hit on you.

"you want zoro? join my team and he'll be with you all the time." his cocky grin threw you off balance, but it was time for luffy to get scared as your hand grabbed his cock through his clothes and began to massage it gradually.

"yes, i want zoro, but now i want to destroy you even more." your hot breath on luffy's neck gave him goosebumps, he was lost in space and didn't realize what was going on, but he knew one thing for sure, he wanted you to fuck him in the dirtiest way possible.

as you replayed the memories in your head, you didn't hear the pleading along with luffy's whimpering, he was like a little kid, but wanting your cunnie very badly.

"y/n? p-p..lease i'm.. begging you, s-start moving and i'll tell you everything you want, i'll let you get to the one piece, j-just, fuck it all out of me." his eyes were like puppy dog eyes, it was impossible to refuse them, but you didn't want to, did you? after all, when else would you have just an obedient boy who would do anything for your pussy.

your gentle palm touched his cheek and slowly traced down the whole side of his face, and your eyes stayed on luffy's eyes, you wanted to see how pathetic he'd become in just one night and you were the reason why.

with a quick motion you planted luffy and slowly began to move in time to his hips.

"you look great when you're begging for something, all sweaty and red eyed, i'm going to make you feel good baby, but after this you're not likely to be able to walk or think properly." throwing him back on the pillows and squeezing his fingers tightly, your pace began to quicken again, and luffy's moans grew louder and louder.

it was a delight to your ears, knowing that he was only like that for you, only you see him that way, but or not really....

you didn't notice zoro with his red cock in his hand, he was watching you and jerking off, but he also wants to feel himself inside you or luffy, he hadn't decided yet, but he knew that you and him could destroy luffy with your dirty words and endless orgasms.

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