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madorcahatter · 1 year

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"Thank you for letting me live my dream."

If you love something set it free.

~ A/N: I planned on posting this after the last chapter of Vendetta, it's been in my drafts for months; but at this rate, the series prob won't be done 'til next year.

Warnings: angst + slight swearing

Word Count: 2.5k

* suggested soundtrack below

You didn’t even have to say anything. He could already tell it was you by the way you bursted into the house. It was eerily quiet until you unlocked the front door.

“I finally made it!” You let out a low laugh as you worked out of your jacket.

The warmth from the fireplace spread throughout the house and heated your cold limbs.

“I’m sorry it took me forever to get here.”

As you set your jacket and scarf onto the coat rack, you took in a deep breath. Whatever Nicky had made for dinner smelled delicious. Your smile turned into a pout when you didn’t hear his handsome voice.

“Nicky?”

Your eyes scanned the room for your one and only as you took off your shoes. Then suddenly, there he was.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

“Hey, you!”

You embraced him tightly the buried your face in his neck.

“Sorry I’m late.”

He rubbed your back “Don’t worry about it.”

When you pulled back, you noticed his eyes. Of course, you’d always noticed them but there was something different, something buried deep down.

“What’s wrong?” Your hands cupped his cheeks.

He gazed into your eyes then took hold of your hand. His lips parted for a moment but closed shortly after. He glanced at the floor before looking back at you.

“I’m just gettin’ lost in my head.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Over an empty stomach?” He gave you a small, goofy smile.

His mood was contagious and it made you light up.

“Absolutely not!” He lightly kissed your knuckles “Let’s eat first.”

He continued to hold onto your hand while walking to the dining room.

~~~~~~

Nicky carried on as usual, asking about your day and even giving anecdotes here and there about his but something was off. There was a certain uneasiness to it all. As if one were attempting to dance with their partner in the dark but couldn’t find them, only to look like fumbling idiots.

“So,” you poked at the crumbs of your meal with your fork.

He took a sip from his glass while you proceeded to talk.

“What were you thinking about earlier?”

You set your fork down and glanced up at him. His hazel eyes looked right past you. The house was silent … once again. Nicky studied you for a moment.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“What?!” His eyes bulged out of his head.

“You can tell me, we can talk about it!”

“Amore, no.” A small laugh escaped between his lips as he stood up.

You watched him in awe as he made his way towards you.

“C’mere.”

You glanced up at him without moving.

“C’mon, I wanna show you somethin.” He offered you his hand.

You looked at him in silence before getting up.

“Okay but you’re sort of scaring me.”

“I’m sorry, amore mio. It’s just,” he let out a short exhale “I can show you better than I can say it.”

You took his hand in yours and he held onto it tightly.

“And don’t be scared, you’ve got me.” He looked back at you and smiled.

“My knight in expensive suits.” You chided.

“Damn straight.”

You both laughed at the joke as Nicky walked towards his show and tell.

~~~~~~

You furrowed your brows when you entered your bedroom.

“I don’t understand.”

“We’re not there yet.”

You shut your lips as he continued to guide you to his side of the bed.

He sat down and guided you to do the same.

“Is this your way of saying you want dessert?” You knitted your brows.

“No!” Nicky laughed.

You awkwardly chuckled, “Okayy.”

“Do you see that photo right there?” He nodded at the picture of you two on his nightstand.

“Yeah, of course. I remember when you got it framed and everything.”

“Well,” he grabbed it off the nightstand “that was the happiest day of my life.”

He admired the photo in his hands “So was our wedding day and everyday in between and after.”

Your stomach felt tight as he set the frame back down and looked into your eyes.

“The finest booze can’t compare to every day I’ve spent with you.”

He held onto your hand “And I want you to feel that way too.”

Tears welled in your eyes “What are you saying?”

“Toots,” he fought the tears in his eyes “amore.”

His hazel eyes glanced up at you without saying another word.

“Nicky.” The tears fell from your eyes as you shook your head.

“Is it because I was late?! I tried really hard to get here and–”

“Amore,” he chuckled in disbelief before holding your face gently in his warm hands. He looked at your face which wasn’t exactly picturesque, there were trails of tears and some snot which started to seep from your nose, but it was the face he had the joy of seeing every morning and night. He kissed your forehead and despite shutting his eyes, he cried. You held onto his forearms and continued to sob.

He didn’t bother to wipe his face, since you’d seen him cry before.

“You deserve the world.” He wiped your tears away with his thumb.

“I want you to be on cloud nine.”

“But I want you.” You pleaded through your tears.

He held you in his arms against his chest “You got me. Now, tomorrow, always.”

Your tears slowed each time he rubbed your back.

“I’ll always be here. I’m not goin’ anywhere but,” he gently leaned back and peered down at you “you’ve got a big, bold world out there waitin’ for you.”

You cowered into yourself.

“I’m only one part of the picture.”

“What if I don’t wanna see the rest of it? The picture I mean.”

“You’ll be missin’ out.”

You racked your brain for a rebuttal then clinched your jaw when you realized he was right in some way.

He reached for your hand and ran his thumb across your fingertips.

“Time’s wastin’ but I’m glad I spent it with you.”

“Me too.” You intertwined your fingers with his.

There was so much said in the silence. Endless “I love you”s, memories of early mornings and late nights, remembering the shared firsts and avoiding the last. This last.

“I don’t know about tomorrow. All I know is that we have now, so whaddaya say?”

He looked at you with tear stained, blotchy cheeks and smiled.

“Let’s go out with a bang?”

A tear fell from your eye as you studied him. With each mole on his face, the curve of his cheeks and chin, you thought of your time together. Your lips formed a smile as you continued to cry. Though you could hardly speak, you nodded your head.

Nicky’s arms held you close like many times before.

“I know,” he uttered with each caress “I know.”

~~~~~~

“Are you sure this is safe?”

He stared down the flight of stairs.

“Nope.”

You readjusted yourself on the rail of the staircase before giving Nicky a nudge forward.

He clamped down on the wooden rail, “Wait!”

You let out a small squeak as you pushed up against him.

“Wait, don’t move!”

He disappeared down the hall then returned with two helmets in hand.

He plopped one onto you with a grin, then donned his very own.

“I still don’t know about this m-”

“Just go already!”

You shoved him from behind and the two of you went sailing down the staircase.

Your shrieks echoed throughout the halls as you rode the oak ribbons. They didn’t stop either when you flung off the rails and landed in the mountain of pillows you’d made earlier.

You felt your heart beating in your ears.

Nicky attempted to catch his breath.

“Are you alright?”

You took off your helmet and patted your head to assess any damage, then worked down your legs.

“All good! You?”

He examined himself three times over, before laying down with a sigh of relief and giving you a tired grin and a thumbs up.

“Please tell me the next thing isn’t as crazy as this one.”

“Don’t worry, pops.”

Nicky chuckled at your joke as you stood to your feet.

“It’s safe, I promise.”

You held your hand out to him and he pulled himself up.

~~~~~~

“I’m gonna throw my back out!” Nicky peered at you over his shoulder.

“That’s the point!”

You walked towards him with a smile and repositioned his hands to his knees.

“Okay, now what?” He glanced up at you.

You hunkered down next to him, “Just pop it.”

You moved your body to show him what it should look like.

After a few seconds, he repeated the move hesitantly before trying it once more.

You let out a small laugh at how his body awkwardly moved.

“Alrigh alright” he stood up straight and took note of how you laughed at his pain.

“I’m gonna show you a real dance.”

“What’s that? The hokey pokey?” You raised a brow.

“Ha ha,” he deadpanned while approaching you “and no.”

He gently grabbed your hands in his “it’s called the waltz.”

“Oh, how fancy.” You uttered as you pressed your body close to his like many times before.

Nicky guided you through the steps until you got the hang of it.

He hummed the beautiful melodies of a symphony.

You almost heard each instrument as you lay your head on his chest.

The room was silent but you heard the violins, harps, and cellos.

“You’re not fallin’ asleep on me, are ya?”

He peered down at you.

“No, I’m just listening.”

“To what?”

“Our song.”

The corners of his lip turned up. He kissed the top of your head, “It’s beautiful.”

~~~~~~

Your bodies were covered every inch of the lounge chair. Legs sprawled about, an arm here and there, but your eyes were fixed on the other. Whether you were painting one last mental picture of your lover or reading the black and white pages in front of you.

Nicky continued to read from the book you chose earlier, draping an arm across your form. You rested your head on his shoulder as you looked out at the stars, hoping they’d tell you your future.

He glanced down at you in your state of oblivion then slowly shut the book.

“And it’s true,” he read the words on his heart rather than the ones on the old, yellow pages “In the beginning, I was hopeless. Life had no meaning but then I found a reason to live … or maybe it found me.”

You tilted your head back to look at him and he continued.

“It was better than anything I could’ve dreamed and speakin’ of dreams,” he looked at you fully now “I know you’ve got your own, out there.”

Tears threatened to fall from your eyes once more.

He cupped your cheek in his hand and you leaned into his touch.

“Thank you for letting me live out my dream. Te amo, amore mio.”

The tears you held back released themselves.

Nicky guided you to rest in his lap.

Your cries echoed against his stomach.

Once again, your tears soaked his shirt for the umpteenth time that night.

Every time he caressed your back, a tear escaped from his eyes.

He made his voice small so he could soothe you, and secretly himself.

It didn’t matter what he said.

He knew words couldn’t heal the pain you’d felt. The very same agony was coursing through his body and it was unbearable.

The midnight sky stared back at the two of you while the silence seemed to make its home in once joyous company.

“I want you to promise me something.”

You looked out at the sky without facing Nicky.

“What is it?”

“Promise me,” you paused to gather your breath “promise me you’ll try to be happy without me.”

He uttered your name with a plea.

“I mean it!”

“Only if you make the same promise.”

He extended his pinky towards you and you rolled over.

You hooked your pinky around his. You savored this moment, his touch and his warmth. He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it.

Your fingers found themselves intertwined as you basked in the moonlight, sleepily recanting the memories you created over time. Stolen kisses in public spaces, late night rendezvous, escapades beyond the border, what it was like to make dinner together for the first time, or the day you met his family and the day you became part of it.

“If I’m honest, when I first saw you. You scared the shit outta me.”

“You’ve been in gunfights, chased by cops, in a room filled with ruthless gangsters” you let out a small yawn “and lil ‘ol me scared you?”

Your eyes fluttered as they tried to fight sleep.

“Yeah, lil ‘ol you.”

He playfully pinched you and you swatted at him, a little too late, with your eyes closed. He grinned at your delayed reaction.

“You wanna know why?”

“Because I’m drop dead gorgeous.” You answered with a low voice.

He turned his head and admired your face as you lightly snored.

“You made me feel somethin’,” he chuckled to himself “I thought it was only in the movies but I was wrong.”

His words fell on silent ears as you rolled over into him.

His cheeks warmed as you cuddled against him. He started to lean back so he could look at you once more but he stopped himself. Instead, he kissed your cheek before holding onto you tightly.

~~~~~~

When you woke up, you felt different somehow. You couldn’t quite place it and you didn’t have time to since your alarm went off. You got ready for the day ahead without giving any dreams you had much thought.

Once you had time at work, you sat at a table in the break room. You pulled out your phone and started to look through your games.

“Hey!” One of your coworkers entered the room, “Just the person I wanted to see.”

You lifted your head and locked your phone “Oh hey, what’s up?”

“A couple of us are going out to karaoke tonight, you wanna hang?”

“Uh,” you thought it over for a second. Your coworkers invited you out to every function but you didn’t have the time or energy to go until today.

“I promise we won’t make you sing.”

You laughed “Okay, sure. Why not?”

“Woohoo!”

~~~~~~

“Jenny I got your number, I wanna make you miiiiinnneeee!”

“Eight six seven five three oh niiinneeeinneee!!”

You laughed at how carefree everyone was and joined in.

This was just the beginning of your new chapter. Sure, the characters were different and who would’ve guessed the plot but it was an enjoyable narrative.

~~~~~~

It had been a while but you started to get back into old hobbies and even tried new ones. You hung out with friends, old and new, made memories with them or either by yourself. You felt yourself smiling more and doing things like singing in the shower or driving with the windows down and doing that thing people do with their hands. I guess you could say you were living.

~~~ A/N: For people falling out of the Fictif fandom and moving on to new ones or just other things. This is for us and thank you for everything.

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