majorasnightmare

[majorasnightmare]

I love you “unlikeable” female characters I love you rude girls I love you mean women I love you girl interpretations of the “Asshole with a Heart of Gold” trope I love you women who get labeled Cold and Unfeeling I love you girls who lash out I love you women who lie I love you female characters who make people mad just by existing

[majorasnightmare]

[majorasnightmare]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[majorasnightmare]

[majorasnightmare]

some loser: humans are innately selfish creatures

my psych book:

[majorasnightmare]

[majorasnightmare]

YOOOOOO

[majorasnightmare]

unofficial 5e supplements/conversions are often physically exhausting to read because they're trying to do pretty dramatic things within their scope, but they're made by people who have been playing Exclusively dnd for so long that even the things that really should warrant stapling on a custom system wind up getting handled as weird statblocks

anyway I'm thinking about this because I remembered a conversion with 300 distinct mecha, all of which are statblocked to say "immune to poison" instead of just saying that mecha categorically can't be poisoned and trusting players to understand why that's the case

[majorasnightmare]

two sheep. standing still

[majorasnightmare]

actually vampires are real and I know all of them and they said they won't come out until everyone agrees to be nice to them. I told them I'd tell you guys that so if we could just get 8.1 billion likes on this so I know everyone's cool then we can have vampires

[majorasnightmare]

Pure beauty

[majorasnightmare]

Karlach the SECOND you stand still lol

Volume up!

[majorasnightmare]

Measured in letters, not syllables. Please do *not* put your deadname in the tags, I don't want to know that

[majorasnightmare]

Falin 🕊️

[majorasnightmare]

kobi levi in for the love of shoes - patrice farameh (2013)

[majorasnightmare]

girl whose fetish is woman who are also unstoppable inhuman killing machines voice: hey did you see the new episode of dunmeshi

[majorasnightmare]