maximus-gluteus

[maximus-gluteus]

this does not apply if you wear exclusively leggings. Those things tear all the time you need like a million on standby

#i def have more than six #but to be fair. i only really wear like 5-6 regularly #bc work

[maximus-gluteus]

#id kill to live there

[maximus-gluteus]

which is definitely not an omen

#there were actually five horses (out of seven) that escaped but i doubt that would interest the tumblr funnymen #tbh this whole thing pisses me off bc people just. look right past the animal abuse done by the british military #in favor of going 'whoaaa spooky omen' #holy shit watch ANY video of the household cavalry and you can see immediately how much they suck at riding #shit not even riding. just. handling their horses in general #if mounted police have no haters then i am dead

[maximus-gluteus]

I didn’t miss that social cue I just thought it was stupid 

[maximus-gluteus]

adhd moment

[maximus-gluteus]

I NEED TO READ I NEED TO WRITE I NEED TO CREATE I NEED TO DRAW I NEED TO CLEAN I NEED TO WORK OUT I NEED TO LEARN *watches YouTube for 6 hours*

[maximus-gluteus]

As a lesbian, it’s happened twice already that one “guy” stands out to me and I think “huh maybe they’re kinda cute and interesting, I wanna get to know them” and then I get to know them better and it’s a closeted trans girl who I somehow sniffed with my little nonbinary lesbian nose

[maximus-gluteus]

[maximus-gluteus]

#i work in a tourist town #so a lot of my customers are retired people #and a lot of them are from non English speaking countries #so i have to do a lot of gesticulating #that usually goes unheeded but yknow. gotta try

[maximus-gluteus]

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

[maximus-gluteus]

when people put "trigger warning" on their content without specifying what the trigger warning is for

[maximus-gluteus]

every autistic person watching this episode of dungeon meshi:

#the fact that damien haas os the eng voice actor too... #uh oh i may have to watch the autism show

[maximus-gluteus]

Can't let British people have air conditioning because first they'd call it something twee like "the climate fixer" and then in 20 years they'll call it "the climb" or "the climmy"

[maximus-gluteus]

Being a little too cold: brrrr i’m a little too cold !!!

Being a little too warm: i am going to kill the next person who makes eye contact with me.

#not the mines of moria dawg

[maximus-gluteus]

apparently people are now purchasing thick water to make slimes with because of a trend on tiktok

thick water is for disabled people who can’t swallow properly. stores usually have extremely limited supplies of it.

please don’t buy thick water for fun or to make slime with. it’s literally the only way some disabled people can drink anything. It’s not a fucking toy

#this is extremely important #and here i thought fad diets were bad just bc the ppl doing them are usually annoying

[maximus-gluteus]

listen. i know it's not 2014 anymore and i know it's just a throwaway line and that the russo brothers didnt intend for marvel action blockbuster captain america the winter soldier to become the tragic gay love story that never was but man. having steve say "it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience" in a conversation about romantic relationships right before the bucky reveal is so cruel. it's not just about steve and bucky obviously having the shared experience of being "out of time," it's the fact that they've both been stripped of their humanity in opposite directions. steve is a legend, he is an american hero and a national icon before he is a human being the same way that bucky is a weapon and a killing machine before he is a human being. steve knows that anyone who falls in love with him in the 21st century fell in love with captain america first, and that's just not him. but then the one person who knew him first and knew him best and loved him (not captain america, that little guy from brooklyn) so much he died for it is alive, impossibly. and it's a miracle because he's back and it's horrific because he's back under the worst possible circumstances. but to steve, the winter soldier is worth tearing the world apart for because he's always been bucky first. they find each other and suddenly they're human again. and maybe, despite it all, being "out of time" becomes a blessing, because in this century they'd finally be allowed to love each other the way they've always wanted to. like real people do.

like. no. the captain america trilogy isn't about two queer men traumatized and alienated by war and modern life rediscovering and reclaiming their humanity through their love for each other. but. i mean. it couldve been

[maximus-gluteus]