meemawsbigtiddies

[meemawsbigtiddies]

some days im mothering the child within me who never got her words of comfort

you’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, you’ll be fine

i say to her, hugging her knees, 

it’s going to be okay, you’ll make it, you’ll be fine

[meemawsbigtiddies]

all eldest daughters go insane around the holidays. we just do

[meemawsbigtiddies]

Parents when their eldest daughter shows any form of human emotion:

Parents when their eldest daughter struggles showing emotions because they emotionally repressed her:

Parents when their eldest daughter:

[meemawsbigtiddies]

Being the “eldest daughter” is nauseating and I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone

[meemawsbigtiddies]

i love when characters that are always the one protecting others, staying strong for them, putting others first- get to be taken care of. get to fall apart, get to be soft and vulnerable, get to be protected and loved just as fiercely as they protect and love the people they care about

[meemawsbigtiddies]

shoutout to parent-ified eldest kids who never ever ever no matter what take out their pain or trauma or bitterness on their younger siblings (or alternatively actively teach themselves not to even if their relationship with their parents is absolutely broken and it hurts like hell to try because their sibling's isn't) and instead do everything to make sure they never have to go through the same thing or repress their feelings and always have a built-in best friend. and maybe develop a little bit of a mom complex along the way all while doing everything in their power not to become their parents. gotta be one of my favourite genders

[meemawsbigtiddies]

only fellow eldest daughters understand the feeling of wanting to bang ur head against a wall as u watch ur younger siblings do things u would’ve been burned alive for even thinking abt

[meemawsbigtiddies]

One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.

[meemawsbigtiddies]

I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am a sponge that absorbs all the trauma of the household. Life is spilt milk and I am a kitchen cloth burnt at the edges. I am falling apart at the corners, threads coming away, rips and ripples like I am torn and trembling in an ocean of nothingness. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I emphasize with everyone. The love of my life marries someone else, and I find myself hoping that he loves her the same. My brother wishes death upon me and I toss and turn in my sleep over the tears I saw in his eyes. Life is an accidental fire and I am water. I attempt to stop a tragedy I did not start, to go blindly into a catastrophe that I cannot halt. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am silent in my needs. My father asks me what I'd like to eat and I say that I am not hungry. I will chew on my guilt and swallow my pride before I even think of asking for anything. I buy myself a sweet and nothing tastes as bitter as it. Life is a metaphor for debt and I am drowning in the desire to be as insignificant as possible. I demand nothing and nothing demands me.

[meemawsbigtiddies]

being the gifted elder daughter be like: *is strong* *works hard* *overworks* *burns out before uni* *wants to move out* *hates mother* *loves mother* *hates father* *loves father* *unfair expectations* *breaks down* *I can make them think I'm fine* *someone help* *has three panic attacks but gets an A*

[meemawsbigtiddies]

Mom's emotional trauma

+ Dad's anger issue

+ their best features.

= ELDEST CHILD IN THE FAMILY

[meemawsbigtiddies]

i feel like there's a point being the oldest sibling where you stop being your parents' child and start being just some person who happens to live in the house

[meemawsbigtiddies]

another shitty thing about being the eldest daughter who based her worth on academics and how useful she can be to others is that it physically hurts to ask for help even when we desperately need it. it's an internalized belief that we should we able to figure out everything on our own and it sucks

[meemawsbigtiddies]

a canon event for every oldest daughter is being told “you would be a good lawyer”

[meemawsbigtiddies]

Unfortunately, I think stigmatised disorder (personality disorders, psychotic disorders, etc) culture is realising something you experience has a name and finally feeling seen, but you go to google it for more resources and only find people talking about how horrible and morally evil you are for daring to have that symptom you never chose in the first place.

[meemawsbigtiddies]

The thing about psychosis, in particular the delusions, is that in the moment, the beliefs are our reality. A delusional person doesn’t just believe they’re the reincarnation of Christ. To them in that moment, they are the reincarnation of Christ. They don’t just believe the cops are after them, the cops are after them. They don’t just believe their family members have been replaced by aliens, their family has been replaced by aliens.

This is one of the reasons psychosis can be so traumatizing. We don’t just believe in bizarre and unusual things, we’re actively experiencing them. We’re prone to such outrageous and scary beliefs that are out of our control, and to us, they’re as real as the air we breathe. Keep this in mind when considering the mental state of someone in psychosis.

[meemawsbigtiddies]

i wish the world was a more gentle place to psychotic people