megajolenejolenejolene

[megajolenejolenejolene]

I don't understand.  

My life has been torn apart, 

I have been used and abused and taken advantage of. I have given my all, for nothing.

Why haven't you tried to contact me?  Why have you denied me every step I take to reunite?

I have fought for your since day one only to be be ripped apart like a piece of garbage all to protect you because that is what you begged me to do. You ignore me and left me to rot on my own.  you live a lavish life while I cry myself to sleep every single night!

what is being said about me?

That I abandoned you? Yet I was run out of my own town, not able to face anyone who knew you or me. to be far away from the police who said you lied and lied in court for you!   Cant face the moms and friends you go to school with because you are gone Cant face family. My friends. I can't get out of bed. You died. You literally Died. I got nothing from you.  I see you places, I remember your smell, your husband and kisses! I miss our nights laying in bed laughing til our stomaches hurt when you were suppose to be asleep.

I cry at songs and movies. Everything in CA reminded me of you yet I couldn't see or hear you! I was broken, lost , broke and falling apart. I wanted to create a new life for you. I knew (or Thought I knew you wanted to be dafe and far away so he couldn't hurt you anymore). Did he never hurt you?  Did you lie to me to get me to fight for you then give up and throw me under the bus?  This is not like you! Its my little girl who could never be without her mommy! Who never wanted to be with friends or her father. who slept with me overnight, who my whole world and yes it was a crazy unpredictable world but it was all for you.

You've broken my heart! I don't understand! 

Why?  You cant be afraid of him, you were so strong and always stood up for yourself! What changed! What has he told you! What has he done to my baby girl!  Why did you leave me alone to fight!?  I continued fighting, with court and emails and calls all with false hope and more pain, No one returned my calls or emails. the email bull shit game started again! Ignore then deny!  Why? What did I do to you?  I only tried to protect you then everything turned on me and you gave up.

You are happy now. 

there's no reason you could have never called me or texted or emailed me or talked to a friend to contact me There are so many ways so whatever our reasons are, I don't think I can ever believe them. 

Its not like you.  

The last call I remember is you crying nd begging me to save you.  Then you dissapeared and I no longer existed.

Ive tried to understand he may tell you things that scare you, like Id go to jail. This is RIDICULOUS and you know this. Why you all him to continue to manipulate you now at your age, is unbelievable, so I don't believe,

you think I abandoned you? where were you? I could not have you for three years! All I could do was build a new life for us far away, now Im the enemy?

Ive almost lost my life twice and still, no one cared,  

My mother was dying and I saw you.  I grabbed you out of instinct, primal mamma bear instinct and you did NOTHING!  you didn't hug me back,  How dare you!

My heart is so broken, I don't know how I can get through the day sometimes an you are off in Hawaii, living your best life.

So where are all the other mothers?  Do you ever think of me dances shopping, your period?  Zia is the bet isn't she?  She knew everything about your dad and still supported him and now she's your mother as she always wanted to be.

Im sick to my stomach, I cant breath, I cant see the screen from my tears. 

No one wants to listen to me and understand my pain, they say oh its only three years.

You are my CHILD I should have never been taken from you and you from me.

I saw your pictures. Who are you? I don't know you.  I feel so abandoned and unloved.  

You risk everything for others but nothing for me. How will this be when I see you. will you stare at me in disgust?  I only remember the 12 year old mamas girl who stared in my eyes and told me funny stories. 

I don't know you. It hurts so much.  Im so lost. I cant talk about you I cant think of you I cant see you.  They have killed you in my mind.  I cant do therapy because it hurts to much

He has manipulated and destroyed our lives.   Im so afraid of you Im so afraid of rejection

I want my little girl so bad. I need her. My life is incomplete and not worth living without her. 

How do I go another year without her?  Does she think of me? Does she even love me? 

I think she stoped loving me. Her rejection will killl me 

I have scanned every single court document, I have scanned the copied of emails and call logs.

You need to see the lies and deceit the way they destroyed me, scared me to even breath.I couldn't take it anymore.  You need to read it all.  what they said you told them about me,  How they turned everything around. You knew the truth and you said NOTHING

If you did tell them, well I guess your financially set for life because you can sue the hell out of both lawyers,  

You need to finally see what was done to me, to run me out and destroy me so I would give up on you WHICH I NEVER DID even from 3000 miles away!  NEVER! EVER!  I fought and they ignored or ridiculed and threatened and you never helped me. Your sisters never helped. Everyone shit on me 

I cant write anymore tonight I'm disgusted.  I see your pics and I cant stomach the fact you never have tried to contact me. Theres no excuse other than Im not worth it to you.

I know where I stand and I know what I have done to resolve all of this.  I need to know what you have done.   Because right now, I cant imagine how a daughter could just stop loving her own mother 

[megajolenejolenejolene]

Stop holding on to people that don’t want to be held. Use your time, space and energy for those that want you.

(via deeplifequotes)

[megajolenejolenejolene]

I want to fight.for her. im so afraid of being denied.  How can the pain get any worse?

[megajolenejolenejolene]

Standing alone is better than standing with people who hurt you.

Lessons Learned in Life (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

I left an entire life behind.  Stand with me or stand against me 

[megajolenejolenejolene]

on days i feel lonely i remember all the people i let go of because i knew what was best for me. and i feel a little less alone knowing that if no one else has my back, at least i do.

shelby leigh (via nothingwithoutwords)

Trust no one 

[megajolenejolenejolene]

If I could give my daughter 3 things, it would be the confidence to always know her self worth, the strength to chase her dreams, and the ability to know how truly, deeply loved she is.

(via xomamabear47)

[megajolenejolenejolene]

She will rise. With a spine of steel and a roar like thunder, she will rise.

Nicole Lyons (via nicolelyonspoetry)

[megajolenejolenejolene]

I miss you tiny little toes that I use to tickle and rub even when they were stinky and long! <3 

[megajolenejolenejolene]

A researcher once played a recording of an elephant who had died. The sound was coming from a speaker hidden in a thicket. The elephant family went wild calling, looking all around. The dead elephant’s daughter called for days afterward. The researchers never again did such a thing.

[megajolenejolenejolene]

I may forget my pain, but I will never forget what you did. The cuts on my skin will heal, but the scars on my soul remain, however faded.

tara love / and they scream at you to stay far far away (via ink-and-oceans)

[megajolenejolenejolene]

In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you.

Virginia Woolf (via quotexcerpts)

I see your face everywhere I go.  I close my eyes, and there you 

[megajolenejolenejolene]

A Tribute to Beyonce, we all had such creative summers LOL 

[megajolenejolenejolene]

The girls and their scary movie debut! lol

[megajolenejolenejolene]

The girls new web series! SO Dramatic 

[megajolenejolenejolene]

My hysterically funny daughters years ago!  I was a fan of the New Jersey housewives so of course they had to make a parody LOL

[megajolenejolenejolene]

My silly girls who were always so creative and to think she's only 5! 

[megajolenejolenejolene]

Crazy Girls