melemelemeadow

[melemelemeadow]

watched the Wis'adel short and im really winning so bad. like yes you better believe that i went and hunted down every assassin involved in Theresa's death as soon as i heard, idk why ppl are surprised by this

#❝ talking #💥 w

[melemelemeadow]

Wis'adel post on weibo confirming that not only did Theresa give me my new name, but it also does indeed mean "wishing for a home". i knew all this im winning

#❝ talking #💥 w

[melemelemeadow]

guys how does it look. i had to go through and make each frame transparent individually

#❝ talking #❝ editing talk

[melemelemeadow]

SPOTTED

#❝ talking #💥 w #im not changing my tag im too lazy

[melemelemeadow]

Mutsumi thoughts & memories

expressing emotion didn't come easy to me, my parents were an actor and a comedian respectfully so i grew up watching them wear emotions like masks, using them as nothing more then a role, to get the reaction they wanted from the people around them. this was never done with malicious intent but it really impacted me. i felt like every outward express of mine was fake. that the only way they were real was if they were kept to myself. it took a lot to get me to express these things outwardly, to have me feel relaxed and safe enough to do so. for the longest time the only person i felt i could be myself around was Saki. i thought that maybe CRYCHIC could've been that too. but it wasn't. hearing Saki call Tomori's lyrics screams from the heart... it really resonated with me, since she knew how much trouble i had with this. but i had to support her when it came to ending CRYCHIC. she'd be there for me for everything, it was only fair i did the same. my guitar was the only outlet i really had for these things. people didn't pay much attention to what i was playing or why as long as i did it well. so then i could get angry. i could get sad. i could exist via my music.

and later on, there was Umiri. when Saki told me abt Ave Mujica, and her plans, i have to admit that i was unsure at first. i know how much it hurt her to have to break up CRYCHIC, i knew how much she was struggling, i didn't want to see her hurt again, but i said i would try, I'd see how this would go.

and then when Uika suggested Umiri to fill the bassist spot, and she auditioned and told us about her being in multiple bands and everything and Saki formally offered her the position. and then at her first rehearsal she showed up, placed her Bass down and immediately strode up to Saki. got so close to her and said "are you the one who broke up the band Taki Shiina was in in middle school" and Saki immediately went on the defensive, talking about how it was none of her business, what did matter. when she agreed to be part of Ave Mujica she agreed to leave her life behind and dedicate herself to this for all time. and Umiri just didn't back down, you could see the anger on her face, feel it in the room. it was breathtaking. she said "just tell me, was it you?" and Saki looked away, she gripped her arm, she always did this when she was upset. holding something as tight as possible. and said yes. and Umiri grabbed her. i remember Uika jumping forward to try and separate them. but Saki didn't even say anything at this point, she just looked Umiri straight in the eyes. and Umiri said "i hope you understand just how thoroughly that hurt her. she's my friend and i care about her, it took her a long time to come back from this and even then it changed her fundamentally. I don't really care what your reasons for it where, but i hope you understand i likely won't ever forgive you for it." and her anger was so cold. it wasn't like Saki's, when she was angry it burnt hot and bright. it wasn't like mind, screaming in my head. but it really did fill every inch of that room. and then she put her down. and turned away. and she said "but i understand part of out agreement here is that we leave the past behind, that we are reborn into out new eternal lives, so i understand that this new you isn't the one who did that, and im happy to work with her, as long as she understands that she's to stay away from Taki." and Saki just, all the anger drained from her face, she nodded and agreed, and then everything just. went back to normal, we moved on. but i couldn't forget it.

after that i was just, drawn to her, I wasn't one for talking aloud much, or at all really, outside of Saki, the only person i felt comfortable with and even then, she took the time to learn JSL for me, since despite any problems i had with my parents they never did force me to speak. signing was much more comfortable, and remember how a few more test rehearsals in, before i had officially agreed to join, that Umiri came up to me and started signing, it was slow and very unconfident but it was once again mesmerising, that someone had noticed and taken the time to do this for me. she said she wanted me to be able to talk however i needed, that she wanted to be sure i could be understood. it was so nice...

we started spending a lot of time together after that, i rly admired her, and how straightforward she was. she never said anything she didn't mean, and she told me about how she played in all these different bands, trying to find somewhere to be herself, but they only ever wanted one part of her. not the whole. i understood this, people would only try to get close to me bc of my parents, but would always give up trying, bc i was too quiet, or weird, or blank. but she said that even if i didn't show it, that didn't mean I wasn't able to feel it.

and after seeing the first official MyGO performance, and Soyo rejecting my gift, Umiri being there for me after, and understanding. that's what finally made me agree to join Ave Mujica officially.

i should talk abt Soyo actually, unfortunately a lot of what i remember about her and our friendship is tainted by the falling out. it's hard for me to even know for sure if she ever did actually care about me, as my own person, or if she was only ever using me for her own goals. i really hope she did care, i hope we were able to be friends again.

because after CRYCHIC formed she genuinely took the time to know me, i could tell, of course the really she only had eyes for Saki but she was still nice to be, she cared. and after CRYCHIC broke up, and Saki had to move schools she still spent time with me, i appreciated this so much bc Saki was really the only friend i had, no one else wanted to be friends with the weird quiet girl, so her memorising my schedule and talking to me and walking with me really meant a lot. but so much of our time was spent talking abt Saki, Soyo asking me how she was, at least once a week i would get asked for her address and i know Soyo cared abt her and wanted to know she was okay but i wish she could've taken my word on it. that she would've told me about herself too, she kept so much of herself close to her chest. and she never let me see her upset, she was always putting forward this mask of a smiling kind girl, and i wish she'd let herself be real with me, i would've done the same in return, but she always kept me at a small distance away, another to get glances but nothing more

and then after the confrontation with Saki, she just. stopped. she didn't seek me put between classes, or during my gardening. she didn't say good morning, or goodbye. she even stopped texting me. it was like she finally had got what she wanted from me, and now that i was no longer useful i was simply discarded. it hurt a lot. and even more when she rejected my gift. because i was truly happy for her. that she'd found a place to belong, somewhere she could be herself. her new band. why couldn't she accept that from me?

either way i did keep up on MyGO from then on, and at least i had Umiri, and Saki still too but that's complicated in it's own right too. i just really hope Soyo was able to forgive me in the end. so we could be real friends, despite it all i really did miss her a lot.

#❝ talking #❝ memories #🥒 mutsumi wakaba

[melemelemeadow]

literally so obsessed with spotted gradient background lately. this guy is my best friend ↓

#❝ talking #❝ editing talk

[melemelemeadow]

we're a family ❤️

#❝ talking #💥 w

[melemelemeadow]

hehe first story part of this event is rly just me getting to spend time with my wife and my bestie <3

#❝ talking #💥 w #they were torn away from me so i truly do treasure my time with them

[melemelemeadow]

mygo ave mujica bassist swap au. insane things need to happen to have this take place but I can't stop thinking abt it

#❝ talking #i remembered something to do with Umiri and it got me thinking

[melemelemeadow]

just realised i accidentally deleted my personal psd for my icons and stuff on the edit blog im gonna explode

#❝ talking #❝ editing talk

[melemelemeadow]

3 tries to get those layouts to post properly orz

#❝ talking #❝ editing talk #tumblr and photopea putting me through it tonight. i do rly like how they came out tho

[melemelemeadow]

fighting for my life in the photopea mines

#❝ talking #❝ editing talk #it did NOT like this gif

[melemelemeadow]

the Babel event CGs. oh my god.

#i just woke up bro I can't handle this #❝ talking #💥 w

[melemelemeadow]

Pinterest app. recentre the board descriptions NOW

#❝ talking

[melemelemeadow]

actually i forgot i still have to colour these and my hand is burning now so no more hehe. i shall rest them now

#❝ talking

[melemelemeadow]

i am editing even tho I'm not supposed to bc of my hands hehe

#❝ talking #whatever i rly wanted to make this icons. i can rest my hands tomorrow

[melemelemeadow]

i don't think that leaked W real name is actually true bc what a fucking coincidence would it be for your actual name to begin with the same letter of the name you inherit. insane

#❝ talking #💥 w