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CHALLENGERS (2024) Dir. Luca Guadagnino

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oh to have josh o connor and mike faist fighting over you

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watching challengers… its so sexy

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taylor swift is compelling to me as a horror figure

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caught myself ruminating about how much it sucks to be alive in this world the other day and actually had to pause and ask myself What is it that I actually appreciate in the world about being alive right now? Apart from facile answers like air conditioners and dentistry I really couldnt think of much. Which made me sad.

#I just get too sad to function sometimes… #and I cant pinpoint where that sadness comes from #acknowledging that ok. I get to be sad as a young person living in the midst of climate crisis #while also trying to make enough money to survive when im inherently not made for employment.. #itjust.. helps me understand the sadness a bit #and host it with more compassion I guess

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breaking bad and it’s themes of toxic masculinity is one of those things that ill never get over. upon first glance jesse is very traditionally masculine, more so than walter, but as the show goes on it becomes clear that walt strives much more for the toxic and self-destructive standards of masculinity, where he must not only be the sole breadwinner for his family but must be acknowledged and praised for being such, where he must be the most intelligent most respected most deferred to of all the other men in his life. his son must respect him the most, his wife must acknowledge and be grateful for the money he brings no matter how he treats her or how he gets that money, his family must be grateful that it was him who provided for them, not strangers on the internet or charity or any of their friends, him. he needs to be acknowledged and respected, needs constantly to have his ego stroked. its one of the reasons he attaches himself so quickly to jesse, because jesse is in desperate need of both parental acknowledgement and a sense of academic achievement. walt takes on a kind of fatherly role, yes, but he’s also jesses former teacher, and so his praise comes with a kind of undercurrent of that academic acknowledgement. and also, his relative ignorance at least at first of the technicalities of cooking meth makes it easy for walt to compare himself to jesse and therefore boost his ego. he does genuinely like jesse, but the amount of respect the kid has for him (extending even to the way he addresses him, “mr white”, as if theyre still teacher and student) makes him feel superior, which is what he wants. and, as the story later reveals, jesse also has more traits that are stereotypically regarded as soft, feminine, non-masculine. he’s highly emotional, much more so than the rest of the cast, and he cries more than every other male character combined. he’s very gentle, and enjoys taking care of people, which is evident in the way he treats his romantic partners but also in the way he treats walt, specifically in the episode fly. he likes kids, gets along well with them, and goes above and beyond what every other character does in order to protect them. his emotional nature, especially when children and them being in danger come in to play, is one of the things he is most criticized for by other characters in the show. he’s called impulsive and irrational and stupid and rabid, and he’s repeatedly punished by the world for how much he cares about things. it seems, for a while, that the world of breaking bad is not only reprimanding him, but reprimanding these traits in and of themselves, saying “Look at what happened to the guy who really cared. Look at all the other male characters. They were all put together and angry and prideful and they cared about no one more than themselves, and they’re on top of the world while Jesse is crying in a corner somewhere, because he wasn’t a enough of a man.” but then, as the story winds further into a close, you see everything play out more clearly. because the characters who are more explicitly masculine than jesse, who keep their emotions together and feed their own egos constantly and comply to the standards of toxic masculinity, all end up dead. gus has to brag in the face of the man who killed his partner, needs the revenge and the gloating and the satisfaction of having ground another man into the dust. mike has to get in the last word against the stupid son of a bitch that fucked it all up. hank has to arrest walt on his own, has to keep his job and his dignity. walt has only ruined his life this much because of his ego, and specifically dies at the hand of his own invention, designed for vengeance against all who wronged him. he offers the gun to jesse and jesse does not take it. he lays it down and instructs walt to do it himself if he wants it that bad. and then he drives away, and he is not stoic or cool or anything like his many foils, he is loud and emotional and he screams and cries and smiles. and at the end of the day, despite the world punishing his open emotion and his love and his gentleness, he is alive, and every other character who disregarded and talked down to him is not.

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I think me being a fan of Jack Antonoff’s sound sometimes clouds my judgement of Taylor’s music… like some of these songs are really terrible lyrically but I do still? Like them?

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unknown title by bahira motaz shaheen, 2023, unknown materials

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Isn't House problematic??

i live in one so i hope not

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HELPPP WHY WOULD THE INTERVIEWER ASK THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE 💀💀💀

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RIPLEY (2024)

Episode II: Seven Mercies

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skyler white… I would never treat you like that

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