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Ito na ba yung part na ayaw ko na ng mga masayang moments kasi malulungkot lang rin ako after?

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Ang ganda ng araw Nagkaroon ng maaliwalas na paligid Ganda talaga Tinatahak ang mausok na daan Oras ay mahabol man lang aalis sa sariling boX Iiwan ang lahat habang kumakain ng Carrots ang sama KO.

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Bakit feeling ko hindi ako worth it maging kaibigan. Yung ako yung magiging kaibigan mo pero hindi mo kakayaning matagalan. Maraming beses na kasing nangyari eh. Siguro may mga bagay lang talaga akong hindi makontrol na nagiging source kung bakit walang nagtatagal na kaibigan sa akin. O baka naman masyado akong pakampante na lagi lang silang nandyan. O kaya kasi hindi ako yung nag iinitiate ng mga convo namin. Baka masyado na naman akong nagiging idealista na nakakalimutan ko na namang nasa realidad ako. Sa totoo lang, nalulungkot ako.

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Pinipigilan kong matulog sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. Siguro dahil nagpapakain na lang talaga ako sa presensya ng kalungkutan na nasa paligid ko. Takot akong humingi ng mga kataga. Kasi baka sabihin nila hindi ko na iyon kailangan. O baka naghihintay lang din silang ako ang gumawa ng unang hakbang. Hinahanap hanap na kayo ng mundo ko. Nakalimutan nyo na ba ako. Kasi nararamdaman ko na namang mag isa ako. Kasalanan ko talaga ito eh.

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It's all my fault. Kasalanan ko kung bakit lumalayo ang buwan sa mundo Kung bakit ayaw hindi na lumiliwanag ang mga gabi ko Kasalan ko ang paglanta ng isang halaman sa paso Na hindi binibigyang pansin, na naiwan na lang sa isang tabi Saan ba talaga ako paroroon?

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تريد الموت؟ إرم نفسك في البحر وستجد أنك تُصارع لتعيش، انت لا تريد قتل نفسك، انت فقط تريد قتل شيء ما بداخلك

“You want to die? Then throw yourself into the sea and you’ll see yourself fighting to survive. You do not want to kill yourself, rather you want to kill something inside of you.”

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Kulang pa ba?

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Masama bang ihiling na mamatay na lang ako?

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Pwersa

Kanina may pwersang nagsasabi sa aking bumaba sa riles ng lrt. Kanina napakalungkot ko na kahit kakatapos lamang ng usapan namin ng kaklase ko ay nararamdamang kong mag isa na naman ako. Kanina umaga wala akong pake kung malate man o makarating ako sa oras sa school. Masaya ako tuwing nakapalibot sila pero kinakain ako ng kalungkutan tuwing mag isa. Pero bat ganun nararamdaman kong sa pag iisa makukuha ko kung ano ako. Ano nga ba ako? Kasi kung kailan nakikilala ko na ang sarili ay siya namang pagkakomplikado ng lahat. Bakit parang pinagkakaitan mo ako tadhana? May galit ka ba sa akin?

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This is for...everybody.

This is for the depressed whose mind forces you that you can no longer go on because it’s all useless and worthless, you are not your depression. You are not why it is so hard to get up in the morning. You are not the negative thoughts that keep you awake at night. You are not the missed opportunities you have slept through because sleep seems like the only escape. You are not tears you try to hide when you go in the shower. You are not the emptiness you feel when you’re supposed to be happy over beautiful things. You are not your depression. You are a person with depression, you’re still a person and you’re alive and you still have hope to heal, to have a beautiful life.

This is for the anxious ones whose mind cannot focus on one things because every single thing is too much. You are not your anxiety. You are not that buzzing tornado you feel inside you every time something happens. You are not how you lose control and how things slip from your hands because it’s all just too much. You are not your worries, your fears, your potential mistakes. You are much more than this. You will rise above all this and somebody but right now, just keep going. Count to ten to relax. Focus on specific things like the color of the walls when things just get too much. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.

This is for the insecure ones who never believed in themselves. You are not your mistakes. You are not your past. You are not your imperfections. You are not your flaws. You are not what people say about you. You are not the number your weighing scale shows you. You are not the size of your pants. You are not the things you find ugly in yourself. Who you are is another human being whose soul is looking for patches when there are holes in you but you need these holes for light to come through, to let the darkness inside you fade. You may find comfort in yourself, to not always seek for perfection but for comfort and peace whether it’s a strength or weakness or flaw or beauty. 

This is for the brokenhearted ones who feel like it’s the end of the world. Maybe it’s the end of just one world, of one chapter in your life. There is pain inside you that words cannot even describe but it’s tearing you apart and you don’t wanna wake up anymore. But hearts heal. Pain fades. Or maybe when pain doesn’t fade away, you get to be the stronger version of you that lives with the pain and be okay with you. This broken heart of yours will find its pieces again and be whole in time. But right now, gently hold the pieces and let every edges be covered in love from people around you. You will heal soon. You will be okay.

This is for the angry ones who just can’t let go. It’s okay. You have the right to be mad. to be angry. or even to get hurt. You have valid emotions but anger is can grow into hatred and hatred can rot your soul. Be angry for a while. Say things you wanna say but be careful. And learn to forgive, maybe not for them for yourself because if you hold onto these things, you might miss out on better things you deserve. 

This is for the ones feeling they’re alone. Whether you are actually alone or you just feel alone despite the people around you, you got this. You got yourself. If there’s no one else to push you, do it for yourself. You can do this. If there is someone, let them in. Let them break your walls and let them in. Let them be there for you. Let them see who you are and let them be there for you. You need people too but you need to be there for yourself first. You can grow on your own for a little while and use this time to discover yourself first.

This is for ones feeling lost. You are confused. You don’t know what’s next. You don’t know what you want. Or maybe you do but when you don’t know what to do next. You are clueless or you have too many choices. You see too many roads and you don’t know which path to take. It’s okay. You can pause for a little while and think. But remember whatever you do, wherever you go, you will eventually come to the places you need to be. You will be who are you meant to be and you will realize why things have to happen. Breathe for a while, you are not in control of everything. Just breathe. 

This is for everyone, you’re all valid. What you feel is valid. Where you are now isn’t necessarily who you are. Your past may be dark but your present gives you the choice to add light into your future. Your soul may need rest but keep going when you can. You can cry when you need to. Just breathe. Love. Hope. Have faith. You’re all not supposed to be perfect in everything. You got this. 

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Another thing I learned about people is not to take them seriously. I mean, never take anything unless stated. Trust them if their words are as firm as their actions.

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Maybe I'll just go with the flow. . . . . 🌫

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Paasa ng crush ko.

Leche ka porevs.

#para sa baraha

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Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin pero gusto ko ng lumayas sa bahay. Feeling ko nasa ibang lugar ako lalago. Alam nyo yun yung parang pinagbabawalan kang mag explore and such pero yun yung buhay mo. Yung tingin mo hindi ka nararapat sa kung nasaan ka ngayon. Yung parang dapat nasa ganitong lugar ka hindi rito.

#hayyy

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How do you un-sad yourself