mj-always

[mj-always]

Helpful guide on different types of opals!

[mj-always]

How I learned my value

I am not asking for the sun or moon any more

You have taught me I am worth more than that

any time something or someone is so angered with you that it’s only desire is to knock you down, that tells you your value alone.

If I didnt have something special that you found so threatening about me, well you just would have never bothered with me at all

Well I got back up again and I don’t know how long I will stand this time

Life throws curves and things can always get worse.

But not with you anymore.

It. Is. Finally. Over

And I am learning to breath again, without you this time

MJ

[mj-always]

I can count them

I stepped out into the night air of my back yard Just to breath for a minute and have some quite conversation with You I hear and feel you so well in the open air Looking to the stars I realize I CAN count them How sad that makes me. I know hidden behind the artifice lights of man stands billions and billions of stars that Your Word says I can't count Tonight out of billions I can only see 12 I try to recall the last time I couldn't count them, and fail I try to imagine what it truly looks like but I fail again I often long to be somewhere that the stars I see are endless, uncountable and unobscured by what man puts forth Sometimes I feel the world stand between you and I and I understand what it is to "see through the glass darkly" I love this sweet, complicated, never ending change that is my life! With conscious choice I CAN count the blessings far more than the hurt With focused attentiveness to Your small still voice I can hear the wisdom and knowledge that come out of my struggles With You I find security and comfort in knowing Your sight it full and complete and I trust you with what I can not see But sometimes.......... I just wish I could see the uncountable stars that you hung in the sky for people like me People who are always paying attention by watching You through Your creation ******sigh***** I miss the stars

[mj-always]

A constant measure

You measure yourself against everything I say about someone else. If they make me laugh: “You think I am funny to right”? “I make you laugh too”? If I am impressed with their talent: “You do think I am gifted to right”? If I find them to be beautiful: “You think I am still handsome right”? If they frustrate me: “Did I ever do that to you”? If they peek my interest by giving knowledge: “Haven’t I mentioned that to you before”? I am frustrated and backed into a corner. How do I talk to you? Then I see that I measure myself by your ups and downs. You seem sad today: What did I do wrong? Did i miss doing something that I should have? You seem very happy today: I think I must have been a good wife today! You seem to be at peace today: How can I maintain this for you? Why do we live in a constant state of measurement in our marriage? Almost two decades later and we still deal with *Insecurity* *Immaturity* *Competition* *Uncertainty* How is this even possible? Do we even SEE each other any more? Do we really look at and pay attention to one another when we communicate? Why are we still walking around this SAME mountain?!?!?!!??!!?! *I *AM * SO * TIRED************************** But I am still here! They say in war never leave a “wounded man behind” In marriage “never leave the fallen other half of you behind”

#nevergiveupnever surrender!

[mj-always]

Conversation that don't exist

I have conversations with you all the time Funny thing is they don't actually exist So I write them down so I wont forget them You only exist amongst the pages