monkeysnrum

[monkeysnrum]

I fucking hate myself

[monkeysnrum]

I guess somethings in life you just have to accept the reality and do your best to take care of those you love.

[monkeysnrum]

Im really exhausted of this feeling of not being good enough. I'm tired of having to watch backs and make sure that someone is really there for me, or at least cares some what about me. Fuck this feeling. Why do I have to stress myself out over someone, idk why I do this to myself. Idk why I love people with all of my heart right away. I wish people would treat me like I treat them

[monkeysnrum]

Whats the point in pursuing anyone when they just care about themselves.

[monkeysnrum]

Whenever something good comes up into my life I always end up over thinking how that good thing will end up being my misery. Idk what to do with myself anymore. What's friendship, what's love? everyone just looks out for themselves

[monkeysnrum]

Nobody cares unless you're worth it.

I'm sure I'm not worth shit.

[monkeysnrum]

I was in 3D art, using spray paint. paint fumes were entering my brain. I glance to the right and see that. The emotions I felt were indescribable

[monkeysnrum]

I'm still trying and I don't want to give up. I really do love you and want to create great memories with you. I want to fall in love all over again with you. My insecure thoughts hold me back and I don't want to be scared anymore to love you. I wish I could explain myself to someone, especially you. I can never build up enough confidence to tell anyone anyway... I've become a lot happier since we met and also a little bit more depressed.

[monkeysnrum]

Find out what your Zodiac sign would say here

[monkeysnrum]

Last year I had my entire life planned out in my head. I knew when I was going to get married and have kids. I knew where I was going to live and who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. And you know what happened? That plan burned. It was ripped from my hands like a limb off of my body. I was devastated. Decimated. I was a broken person. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted.

Now I only know a bit more of what I want and who I am. The only thing I do know with 100% certainty is that I would never have been truly happy with that life I held onto so dearly, so desperately. I built that life up so much in my mind that I lost myself entirely. That day of absolute desperation was the biggest turning point of my life so far. I thank the Gods every day for all that pain because it forced me to realize I must live alone and for myself.

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[monkeysnrum]

Nov 11

I'll FTSOY

[monkeysnrum]

I wish you'd get off that phone and talk to me. Ask me if im okay again so I can say yeah again at least.

[monkeysnrum]

[monkeysnrum]

Burn one for the young one

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