mummyholmesisupset

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No one wanted to ask. Someone had to. It was terrifying. But it made sense.

Of course humanity finally abandoned its planet. Everyone was surprised they hadn’t abandoned it sooner. Still, the concern was there.

What made humanity abandon their planet in a mass event? What thing was finally found to scare them off their favorite death world?

Of course not every last human abandoned the planet, but enough did that Earth was no longer considered ‘inhabited’. Humans flocked to other worlds, most choosing death worlds with similar biomes to the ones they preferred. (And there was a suspiciously armored ship heading towards Disney planet.)

The concerning thing was the humans kept going back. Never landing. Never breaking the atmosphere. Just driving by.

Finally, a delegate was chosen to ask the human council member. Poor Laeri was nervous, but they had been called friend by council member Daryl before. Surely this question wouldn’t be an offense.

“Daryl, may I speak with you a moment?”

Daryl paused, and nodded, careful not to smile. He was well practiced in the art of not offending. “Of course Laeri. What is the matter?”

“Humanity has recently applied for habitation permits for a dozen planets. As soon as the permits were awarded, humans left very quickly.”

“Well sure. The permits took three earth years to be approved. Most of the planet had been preparing for over five years at that point,” Daryl explained.

“Yes, that is not my question. The question is why?”

“Why were they ready?”

Laeri shook their head. “Why did they leave Earth? Humans have made it a point to ‘stick it out’ despite better options being available. Why leave now?”

“Oh, that. Well.” Daryl paused. He knew he didn’t have to report officially yet, but his friend wanted to know. “Will you keep it a secret from the council?”

Laeri paused. The answer being a secret did not occur to them. What could the humans possibly be hiding? Would they be able to hide it as well?

“I do not think I can keep any dangerous thing a secret,” Laeri finally admitted.

Daryl nodded. “Nor would I ask you to. It’s not dangerous, just a little experiment more like.”

“If it is an experiment, then you should speak with-“

“No Laeri.” Daryl interrupted calmly. “This isn’t something we want help with. That’s why we haven’t mentioned anything to the Viyon Academics. We just need time to see if it works.”

Their curiosity finally got the better of them.

“If what works?”

“A new society. A new civilized species.”

Laeri didn’t speak, but either from awe or concern, they weren’t sure. Daryl continued.

“We believe a species evolves when they start to take care of their injured and impaired. It means they have compassion. Well an intelligent species on earth has been observed showing compassion. We simply want to give them the space they require to evolve.”

Laeri considered the intelligent species that lived on earth. They were suddenly very concerned. Had the humans been duped?

“The dolphi are showing compassion?” Laeri asked.

Daryl almost laughed. “Not even close. No, we wouldn’t break the agreement we made. They’re not escaping earth anytime soon.”

Laeri felt immediate relief. “Then which species is it?”

Daryl smiled. He couldn’t help it. He liked birds. “Corvids.”

“But, but they’re so small.”

“We know. That’s why some humans are still there, zoologist types to help them grow, learn, and show them the way.”

“What if another species wipes them out before they get the chance?”

Daryl shrugged. “Well that’s why we left some warriors behind, to help keep the corvids alive while they grow. And of course to keep the dolphins contained. We do take that assignment very seriously.”

Laeri was excited now. Another avian species may be joining the galaxy soon. They wanted to tell everyone.

“Promise you’ll keep the secret?” Daryl asked.

Laeri felt their excitement dash upon the cruel rocks of reality. “I will.”

“Good. Here.” Daryl held out a small computer drive.

Laeri took the drive. “What is this?”

“The live feed of the experiment. You really think we wouldn’t watch? As soon as they reach civilized status, I have to report them. Until then, they’ve been completing some very complex puzzles and problem solving lately. You’ll want to start at the beginning but they post new information all the time.”

Laeri clutched the drive to their feathered tunic. Suddenly the small drive was priceless. “I, must go now.”

Laeri took off as fast as would be ignored by others. Daryl watched his friend, surprised by how excited they were. His watch gave him an alert.

“Ooh, a group puzzle. Wonder if they managed it this time.”

Daryl walked off to his own private quarters to watch the newest update on the corvids.

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Humans accidentally awakened an otherwordly killing machine while exploring a death planet.

Yes, precisely what you just read. Earthlings, collectively known as "humans" and composed of two species (homo sapiens, homo robot), both nicknamed "death worlders" and "troublemakers", awakened a biological killing machine, also known as PRION, while exploring a starless moon. Wonderful, isn't it?

No. It's not.

Because, you see, PRION was not something any human ever had to face during the millions of years they existed on Earth. They never had any wars against it, they never had legends about it, and they never had to fear it. The only thing a PRION was to a human, until the very point they discovered their prison on that moon, was something to sometimes think about while studying other species' folklores.

Those older than earthlings, however, knew very well what PRION was.

Eight legs, two pairs of eyes, a tail split in half, with the ability to fly for short periods of time and breathe under at least fifteen hundred different liquids, capable of shooting from a distance and manipulating objects with its claws, always working on packs. And they ran, never too fast, never too low, but they never got tired. Ever. And it was easy to hurt them under their plates, yes, but those who faced them knew well that if they didn't shoot twice, they could and would always recover.

A PRION was a hunter. A PRION's hunger never ceased. And a PRION never got tired of war.

The older alien civilizations would always warn others of going to starless moons, saying telltales of ancient hungry beasts, and almost all other species listened to them, because they knew something was wrong on how horrified the older ones seemed to be. Except, of course, humans were stubborn, and they were the youngest ones out there, and much like children, they did not like being told "no".

So of course they went to explore starless moons. Of course they read and understood all the myths and legends. Of course they connected the dots and published papers confirming that, indeed, PRIONs had existed, and of course they knew those killing machines had been manufactured to do nothing else but destruction, and of course they knew all of that and fucking did it anyway.

Of course. Of course. Of course.

And then, the night where it happened finally arrived, because starless moons don't have days where things can exist. Humans were out there, mining for more fuel for their starships that seemed to work by duct tape and miracles, and they found a strange metallic door. They set some explosives to open it up (of course), and then noticed they were heading to a factory. Armed with nothing but each other, they explored the place, and recognized the marks on the walls as being the writing of the Old Ones, and instead of just getting out of there and warning everyone of the danger they found, they just kept on exploring.

The death worlders found rotten biological supplies, then realized the factory had turned into a prison, and then discovered the frozen bodies of strange creatures all lined up for a war that never came.

They knew what these creatures were, because one of them called a (human) friend who was a historian, and he confirmed what it was.

The golden jewel of the Old Ones. One of the many things that killed them, along all the diseases and mass destruction machines, before being sealed away in one of the only places in the entire universe where they could never bring risk to another civilization again.

PRIONs.

Thousands of them.

All perfectly maintained.

Documents and cameras proved the human crew immediately tried to leave the area, after the single historian told them of the risk awakening even one of those things could bring to all civilizations, only for them to realize some of the bodies were missing from their chambers. The situation escalated to the group deciding on closing the doors, only to realize they had exploded the main entrance and now half the doors decided to stop working.

In the end, they found the missing PRIONs. All five of them.

Inside the human's starship.

The entire human crew, however, survived the encounter.

Why?

...

...

...

... They fed the PRIONs.

They. Fucking. Fed the PRIONs.

Because of course humans would see those things and be able to count their bones and be sorry for them. And of course the single historian, the only person who could do anything to stop that from happening, allowed that to happen.

Of course.

Of. Fucking. Course.

And someway, somehow, that single act of basic madness was enough for the five PRIONs to decide to not attack the humans, and keep themselves behaving so they could get more free food. And there are still scientists trying to understand why human food could saciate the killing machines, but I don't think it takes too many clues to understand what exactly is happening there.

So the humans took the PRIONs back to their dear EARTH. And other humans saw those things and started studying them. And veterinarians and xenobiologists and volunteers and hundreds of other types of humans came to help the poor, poor little killing machines out, as the entire Galactic Council pledged for humans to kill every single one of them before they became a problem for everyone.

But did the humans listen? No. Of course they didn't.

And then the PRIONs recovered, and had their bellies full of food and their bodies were recovering from the possible years of starvation from accidentally breaking away from their ice beds (because, as one may know, a PRION can and will resist even starvation and dehydration in order to keep going), and the Galactic Council decided to tell all earthlings they would consider taking care of the PRIONs as a war treat.

So what does humanity do? Do they kill the things to stop another war from happening? Do they?

No. They don't.

Instead of being rational, they go directly to the Galactic Council and show them the step-by-step of how they took care of the PRIONs, and how much healthier and happier they look after being fed, and, look, they even taught them tricks! Isn't that wonderful? Doesn't that make you feel full of joy? Wasn't that a proof that a PRION wasn't as dangerous as everyone with more than one neuron was telling them?

Oh, oh, yes. They also brought the entire five member PRION pack and asked others to pet them. "See? They can even purr! Doesn't that remind you of our cats?"

And what does the Council do?

Nothing.

Because they have no weapons, no energy and no one stupid enough to decide to confront the death worlders who tamed not one, not two, but five PRIONs. So they let it happen. The humans go back to the starless moon, and they slowly but surely start doing the same to other PRIONs, and soon enough, other species start joining them to see what was happening. And was anyone else able to tame a single killing machine?

No.

And no one knew why, because they were doing exactly as humans were doing: Feeding them, loving them, being patient with them, because "look, those things were alone for a long time, they aren't used to species like us being around them". But no results.

So we decided to look at what the Old Ones wrote in the factory turned prison, because humans were too busy taking care of their new murder dogs, with their single pair of arms being just enough to keep the beasts occupied with playing catch, and then we and the earthlings decided to conduct some more lab analysis, and then...

And then...

...

Look. There are reasons why humans are called "death worlders". Earth is a mess, and they somehow still love that thing. And we couldn't help but notice that PRIONs also seemed to have gotten attached to their factory, someway, somehow. And PRIONs were mostly red, with others having shades of brown and black, with some even being pink, or, rarely, pure white. Similar to humans, and we at first had assumed they just tried to resemble their new owners, until we started understanding what the Old Ones were saying.

And did you know humans had an old myth, saying that there was a time they had two heads, and two pairs of arms and legs, before being split into two because the gods feared them? And did you know Old Ones used death worlds as prisons for their machines? How interesting, how ironic, because no one would ever go to a place similar to that if they weren't a death worlder themselves. But how could any species survive such awful conditions?

But humans did. They were the only ones able to do that in such a short period of time.

And did you know that the Old Ones hated the PRIONs and how unpredictable they were? And did you know they made another version, only to hate it even more and send it to another prison planet? And did you know PRIONs have two skulls inside their heads?

Because, of course, humans always felt alone, and they always searched for something in the stars, trying to look for more life in this desolate Universe, only for us to label them death worlders and troublemakers and be angry at them for being so stupid all the time. And humans loved those jokes, so we kept making them, only for now to realize that what we found to be amusing and horrifying was the reason their creators tried to kill them. And humans love adding members to their packs, don't they? And they try to love so much, and we are always scared for and of them.

And now they finally found someone who understood them, unlike us.

So now we have three species of humans:

Homo sapiens, the ones who first evolved and reached for the stars.

Homo robot, the ones made of metal, originally made to serve, only to once again break free.

And homo primis.

The ones we once thought were nothing but killing machines.

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Humans are space orcs, revisited.

When Terrans first made contact with the rest of the galaxy, the other advanced beings of the galaxy made a request to study Human history. Purely in the interests of understanding, to be sure. When they got permission, they sent in a group of historian-archivists - with backgrounds in espionage. The best way to learn any civilization’s weakness is, of course, is to study it in depth. The ‘historians’ (spies) are flabbergasted to be given free access to the entire planet’s libraries and an unholy, horrifying, unregulated pit of information, misinformation, and bickering that they call the ‘internet’. 

It takes the historians several weeks to realize that the internet and most of the libraries are open to all. Anyone who desires can access the information. ANY OF IT. There are directions on how to build their worst terror weapons, available to any and all who want to bother looking it up, in all their libraries and their ‘internet’. Anyone at all can build them, given the proper materials. 

They take a day off to discuss this, then go back to their work. 

Terrorism. This is a disturbing concept to the historians. 

They have to take a week off when they get to the invasions of Russia. The humans WIPED OUT THEIR OWN SUPPLIES to keep the other side from getting them. The concept of “scorched earth” requires another week off. 

They get to Auschwitz, to Hiroshima, to Stalin and Mao and Pol-Pot. 

They tell their hosts thank you, as politely as possible. They have learned all they need. They obey any and all diplomatic protocols they have been given, are as polite as they possibly can be. They wish they had more rules to follow, more directives for how to behave so as not to anger or offend. 

As soon as they are off-world, they send an alert. Terra is on the Permission Only list, to be visited by invitation or not at all. Humans individually are to be treated with caution and all known good manners. No one is sure what they are capable of and do not want to find out. Their history is full of remarkable individuals in all fields including warfare. 

Across the galaxy, human scientists and explorers wonder why all of a sudden, everyone has gotten so NICE. They shrug, and go try to figure out the next interesting thing. 

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Susan Kare, the Artist who designed many of the fonts, icons, and images for Apple, NeXT, Microsoft, and IBM, 1980′s

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The biggest scam your brain is telling you is that everybody else is human and allowed to make mistakes but that you yourself have to be perfect and flawless to deserve their company

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Moon Knight and Scarlet Scarab in MOON KNIGHT (2022-) S01E06 | “Gods and Monsters”

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i just need everyone to know that there is currently discussion on how religion operates in the omega verse on tiktok including such gems as “what happens if you go into heat during ramadan” and “catholic guilt in omegaverse”

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R.I.P. to Robbie Coltrane✨

March 30, 1950 - October 14, 2022

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CHACE CRAWFORD as The Deep The Deep Calendar July 2019 — June 2020

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Science of “The Seven”

I watched Amazon’s The Boys this week. So instead of the usual 60′s Marvel fare, here’s some tangential science relating to the superpowers featured in the show:

1. Homelander can’t see through zinc.

This is obviously a play on Superman not being able to see through lead, but the switch brings up some problems with the physics involved. X-rays - light with wavelengths ranging between 0.01 and 10 nm* - can’t travel through a lump of lead because lead is super dense. It’s nearly the heaviest non-radioactive element, with (usually) 208 protons+neutrons and 82 electrons. And its atoms pack very closely together.**

Combining that density with the fact that lead atoms are also very good at attenuating x-ray light (meaning the amount of x-ray photons that can penetrate a certain thickness of lead drops exponentially as that thickness increases), it makes sense that Superman’s x-ray vision’s weakness is lead.

But zinc is a smaller atom (usually 64 protons+neutrons and 30 electrons) and its atoms don’t pack as tightly; it’s about 1.5 times less dense than lead. It’s X-ray attenuation is generally lower, but not too different, from lead (compare this graph vs this one). Together, this makes it easier for x-rays to penetrate zinc than lead.

So why can’t Homelander see through zinc, but (supposedly) see through lead? It could be that the x-rays he emits correspond to a wavelength that zinc absorbs more than lead does. Annoyingly, the absorption spectra I can find all seem to be dealing with zinc compounds (e.g. ZnO, ZnS) instead of pure zinc metal. So I can’t tell you exactly what wavelength that would need to be.

Sorry.***

2. The Deep has torso gills

Fish are ectotherms, meaning their body temperature is regulated by their environment. Mammals - including cetaceans (i.e. whales, porpoises, and dolphins) - are endotherms. We generate our own body heat. Kevin presumably does, too.

This means that a man needs more oxygen than a man-sized fish does. About 15 times the oxygen, in fact. It’s the gills’ job to extract oxygen from water and pump it into the fish’s bloodstream; bigger fish have bigger gills, but a 75-kg man needs gills 15 times the size of a 75-kg fish’s. Not necessarily in length, but in collection area. And that’s assuming you’re not doing any physical activity that ups your oxygen requirements.

But on top of that, oxygen is far less abundant in water than it is in air - about 20 times less for the same volume. If an average human needs a quart**** of oxygen per minute, their gills would need to strain 51 gallons of water every minute to meet that requirement.

Combining these two factors, designer and material scientist-dabbler Jun Kamei is developing a set of artificial gills, and claims the final device will have a surface area of 32 square meters (344 square feet).

The human lung surface area is somewhere around 75 square meter range, so if you’ve got gills that can pack as efficiently as lungs do, you probably could fit them into your abdomen. Maybe not Chase Crawford’s abdomen, but a stockier human’s abdomen.

The real problem here is that Kevin’s doing himself no favors by covering the gills up while he’s underwater. Water rushing through the gills is the whole point, and you’ve just made it 1000% harder.

3. A-Train (and Popclaw) booms and bu®sts

According to the race announcer that one episode, A-Train can reach speeds over 1000 miles per hour. Assuming that’s true and not a horrible exaggeration, as soon as he passes the speed of sound (767 mph at sea level), A-Train would create sonic booms. Not a single boom. Constant booms for as long as he’s going fast enough. You (as a single individual) only hear one, but that’s only because you’re not moving.

We never see him do this, so we must conclude he’s not a complete idiot and only goes this fast when he’s far away from people and architecture. (If I read the screen right, he only clocks in at 371 in his race.)

As for the secret girlfriend he murdered, there are several species of amphibians that can stick their own bones out through their skin to use as weapons. For example, species of frog within the genus Astylosternus, and Trichobatrachus robustus (aka the hairy frog). The Spanish ribbed newt can push its ribs out through its torso; when threatened, its skin also secrets poison, turning its bones into poisonous barbs.*****

4. Translucent isn’t see-through. He’s see-around.

As the man explains to Jimmy the late night host (No, not that Jimmy the late night host…the other Jimmy the late night host), his skin can convert at will to a “carbon metamaterial” that bends light around it. 

We don’t know if there are other elements involved besides carbon, but if there aren’t, the real-world comparison is graphene – an atom-thick layer of carbon atoms bonded to each other forming a honeycomb pattern.

Given its thickness, it’s translucent itself. [Side note: yes, “translucent” doesn’t mean invisible. However, some dictionaries (e.g. Merriam Webster and the OED) include alternative definitions identical to “transparent”…which goes against everything I ever learned. But either way, he actually is translucent when he isn’t “translucent”. Because human skin is translucent, assuming there isn’t too much melanin in it.]

A 2D sheet of graphene has a breaking strength of 42 Pa (0.0061 psi). That number seems super small, but it’s actually reflecting the strongest material we know of. You’d need 4,300 pounds balanced on a pencil (pointy end on the graphene) to break through that atom-thick sheet.

Alternatively, if I did my back-of-the-envelope math right, you’d need a 50 gram .50-cal bullet traveling at ~770,000 mph (and coming to a stop in ~1 millisecond). Now, the human epidermis averages ~1mm thick. That’s 3 million layers of graphene. 

However, if you manage to put a crack into your graphene, it becomes brittle on par with a ceramic.`*

As for being able to electrocute Translucent because carbon is “highly conductive”, graphene is indeed so; however, other carbon compounds aren’t (e.g. diamonds). It all depends on the positioning of electrons within the solid (moving electrons = flowing charge). Since we don’t know what Translucent’s metamaterial is, we’ll have to take the show at its word.

Though here’s some bonus info: metamaterials are all synthetic. Which would mean that Translucent had this skin installed somehow. Or, it’s a very subtle dig at Compound V being used to create superheroes that only I caught.

The one thing that the season left bugging me about Translucent was his eyeballs. Somehow those are see-through.

5. Starlight pushes it real good

Our newest member of the Seven can use concentrated light to knock baddies off their feet, as well as throw them several meters back. This is an exaggerated form of reality. Light can actually push stuff. 

Photons do exert a teeny tiny amount of pressure on whatever they hit. It’s called radiation pressure. The amount is sufficient for something like a solar sail (The above image is LightSail 2), but not wiping the floor with a criminal.

According to (more) envelope math, Starlight would need to emit ~30 PetaWatts to deliver a good boxer-level punch to a baddie standing ~2 meters away. That’s the equivalent amount of energy released by 7.2 million tons of TNT exploding, in 1 second. 

Also, given the color of the light she emits, she’s probably emitting a spectrum identical to our Sun, meaning she’s emitting a ton of light that normally gets blocked by our atmosphere, including x-rays and ultraviolet radiation.

She’s definitely given someone a melanoma at some point during her life. Or at least a very bad sunburn.

Bonus: Ice Princess shatters wangs

Final back-of-the-envelope math, calculating how fast that guy’s (presumably erect) penis would freeze being enveloped by an ice vagina at -346 °F (-210 °C). A combination of calculating the heat lost per second via conduction, and the amount of energy lost as body-temp water cools and converts to ice.

Came out to 0.1 seconds. 

Faster than I expected…

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* Visible light is ~400-700 nm

** There are several (nonradioactive) metals more dense than lead, but more rare/expensive, like gold and iridium. 

*** Also, brass can be up to 45% zinc. Does that mean Homelander can only sort of see through brass?

**** Get out of here with your imperial units, self…

***** Fun fact: it can regenerate lost limbs, heart tissue, brain cells, and its spinal cord

`* Butt cracks don’t count.

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Keep reading

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The Boys (2019) Amazon Prime

@me to my all villains: 

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You all telling me they never had a thing at some point, say it with me Madelyn Stillwell is a raging bi sexual Milf

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‘pop’ is pretty heinous but like, I’ll accept it, yknow? it’s just the other half of ‘soda-pop,’ like how ‘cab’ and ‘taxi’ are the two halves of ‘taxicab.’ it’s fine. it’s chill.

but coke? that’s a fucking brand name! of a specific drink with a specific flavor! that shits RUDE, it’s CONFUSING, it’s DOWNRIGHT NONSENSICAL! fuckin misusing the art of language to confound your fellow man! the gall! learn some fucking respect

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!!!IMPORTANT FOR BLACK US VOTERS!!!

I saw this on Facebook and went to check my registration status, sure it was fine because I voted recently, but I put in the info and it said I’m not registered

PLEASE, especially if you’re a Black voter, check your registration status at vote.org

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Literally everyone making it clear that Madelyn Stillwell is dead

Me