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untitled, written by me

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I’m not sure exactly how to put this but I think the obsession in the general population with “spotting narcissists/sociopaths” and with assigning all abusers and otherwise awful people the label of N/ASPD comes from a place of trying to ignore that evil is something humans choose to do. There’s already the obvious issue with acting as if any set of people is inherently bound to mistreat others, but I’m talking about the function it serves people when they make this assumption.

When you assume that there’s a group of people who are innately evil because you consider them to be lacking some emotional or moral part that you consider inherent to the human experience, you’re creating this group of people who you can view as inhuman. You can ascribe the worst evils in the world to them, because who else would do such things? Surely someone with human feeling wouldn’t. You don’t have to worry about the morality of yourself, then, because you’re human, you’re not ~missing something~ inside. You don’t have to worry about the morality of your friends because you’ve seen their humanity, too. In reality abuse is a choice—not only is abuse something that N/ASPDs can choose not to commit, it’s something that non-N/ASPDs can choose to commit. And by insisting that evil = N/ASPD and that N/ASPD = evil, people are absolving themselves and those they support of whatever they’ve done to hurt others, because they’re Not Like That.

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Hey! Did you know:

People with NPD should be treated with decency

Having NPD does not make you broken

People with NPD are allowed to be happy

Having NPD does not make you abusive

People with NPD can live a fulfilling and wholesome life

Having NPD does not make you a monster

People with NPD are capable of recovery and are not “lost causes”

NPD is just as much of a disorder as any other, and should be treated with the same level of recognition

People with NPD are just as capable of being good people as those without it

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NPD awareness banners! (+ general cluster b)

These are some banners i made that you can put on posts, or just put on your blog if you like them! They’re free to use without any credit. The flag used is the npd awareness flag which can be found here. ID for each image below the cut.

Keep reading

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Sometimes I am floored by how differently people think we feel, and how we actually feel. Do people think those with NPD just…. have fun with their disorder? That it’s all fun and games and the symptoms aren’t ever harmful to us, and that we only have NPD because of how it affects other people? It’s really odd; I struggle to understand the lack of awareness most people have on it,

NPD for me has caused me far more issues than it’s caused for other people, and tends to backfire onto my mood consistently without other people knowing. Small things can make me feel extremely hurt, and withdraw from social spaces. Of course, sometimes we have narc highs, but in my experience, those can be really scary, sometimes even including episodes of psychosis and recklessness.

Having NPD isn’t a hobby we decided to pick up, it’s a cluster b personality disorder that developed from child abuse- one which often causes issues in every area of life. It can cause depression, anxiety, extreme vulnerability, and struggles with empathy. What part about that sounds like it couldn’t possibly hurt us? People consistently bring up “symptoms” of NPD that don’t exist; I’ve been told “having a victim complex” is a part of it, but while looking through all my research, I’ve never found a single mention of such a thing.

A big problem I’ve noticed is that, with NPD, people rarely discuss how it tends to affect the person with it, and how people can hurt/abuse them by utilizing specific triggers, and setting off crashes. Instead, NPD is usually paired together with “narcissistic abuse”, something that’s already been majorly criticized as a term, and in those cases, it tends to talk about how the abuser seemed outwardly to others exclusively (because, obviously, abuse is not the same as having a mental disorder, but narcissistic abuse conflates the two). This causes a major blur between “how did this abuser I had act towards me? what are the red flags?” and “what are the symptoms of NPD? how can i support a loved one with NPD?”. This is extremely dangerous when paired together, especially for abuse victims who develop NPD themselves.

It gets tiring having to consistently defend my own disorder and life as a victim of abuse, against people who haven’t read anything on NPD, taking their definition from the pop culture idea of what “narcissism” is instead of taking it from doctors.

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there is no audience to perform for, there is no approval, no admiration to attain. there is no role worth playing, there is no one to convince. let it go

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unpopular opinion: mental illness can make people behave in extremely toxic and sometimes even abusive or manipulative ways. relationships and friendships with mentally ill people can be extremely difficult, unpleasant, or even harmful. though this may not be intentional and i have sympathy for those who struggle with this, other people are allowed to remove themselves from your life for their own happiness and sanity. they are not bad people for this. the idea that someone *has* to stay with you while you heal or help fix you is wrong, people are allowed to prioritise themselves. it’s on you to seek therapy and heal. being mentally ill doesn’t give you a pass to behave in toxic ways and hurt others.

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When people say things like “every narcissist I’ve met didn’t have the self-awareness to realize there was anything wrong with their behavior”, what I hear is “I have armchair-diagnosed a bunch of people whose behavior I disliked with NPD”.

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What people don’t understand is I’m not just being a ‘perfectionist’, I literally have a mental disorder that tells me I need to be perfect in order to survive.

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ppl w pds, schizos: pls be kind to us 

nts: actually a neurodivergent person was mean to me once so u have to prove to me that u r deserving of basic human respect. i am not ableist

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THERE IS A FOX TRAPPED IN YOUR RIBCAGE GNAWING SLOWLY ON YOUR FLESH BUT YOU WILL NOT LET IT OUT BECAUSE WHAT WOULD MOTHER THINK WHAT WOULD MOTHER THINK

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my 2017 work everything is changing, everything is getting worse is out of print due to some issues with the printing service I use. While my project is expanding and re-releasing it with new content, I thought it’d be nice to share it here.

Same deal—if you like what you read, consider donating. If not no biggie. Just consider sharing.

My paypal is [email protected], and my venmo is Jonny-Bolduc

https://www.scribd.com/document/445965943/Everything-is-Changing-Everything-Is-Getting-Worse-by-Jonny-Bolduc

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a comic about trauma

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I literally cannot overstate how important creative hobbies are when dealing with mental illness. If you can’t draw, there are coloring books. If you can’t write a novel, you can write in short journaling bursts. If you can’t sing in the shower, you can listen to music. Sometimes with mental illness it feels like we have this dark presence inside of us that is bumping around in our brain and organs, causing problems. It helps immensely to let it out.