neeturnal

[neeturnal]

sam in season one didn’t have a fuck to give. dean, let’s board the plane that is going down. dean, i’m gonna call bloody mary. dean, just park the impala there and let the racist truck drive through you. dean needed a whole separate credit card scam just to afford the headache medication.

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you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

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Them😳👉👈

Just start watching this show and i just have to draw them i luv them sm😔💕💖

[neeturnal]

I saw a deer rotting away on the side of the road, ribcage gaping open, sternum shattered, sagging leathery skin shedding coarse hair as decomposition sets in. Eyes and entrails long since pecked out by crows and vultures, the doe lay blind and empty, her cranium chewed open and cleaned out by reverent coyotes. Crawling with maggots and worms, she writhes.

Wildflowers bloomed tall around her, cushioning her corpse in a bed of milkweed and aster, wild lily and strawberry bursting through her drying skin and out through the cavernous hole in her body. Wasps and horseflies drink the nectar flavoured by her body, dripping sweet onto her ribcage.

A violent death unto peaceful sleep, bones crushed like brittle eggshell by steel alloy, whiplash and internal hemorrhaging as she stumbles forward and collapses into the cold ditch by the asphalt, gasping and twitching as her lungs filled with blood, shards of her ribcage puncturing her lungs, struggling to take a full breath as spots grew larger in her vision. Twin headlights barreled on, uninterrupted and uncaring as she lay dying in the ditch, the taillights of the departing vehicle bathing her in red light as it leaves. There are no other cars in the road.

Scavengers bowed their heads to her memory as they filled their stomachs with her body, gorging themselves on cold offal, worshipful as they licked congealed blood off the ground. A necessary sacrifice to the good of the many; her agony sustains them. They don't know anything else. She sleeps, quiet and alone, in the ditch by the road, as she decomposes. Her eyes, plucked from their sockets by hungry birds to be fed to their hungry chicks, no longer saw; she slept in peaceful darkness.

I wondered what she dreamed about. I wondered if she could still see, in her mind's eye, the life she dreamed of. I wondered if all she could see anymore was the wriggling of maggots in her skull.

I wondered if the deer on the side of the road left behind a herd, maybe a fawn, waiting patiently, nestled in tall grasses, for its mother to return. I wondered if it, too, had fallen prey to the great metal maw of a passing vehicle as it, hungry and cold, searched for its mother. I hoped not, but I know better; deer don't often practice crèches.

I felt kinship with her, in a way, a deer left for dead next to the country highway, carved out empty and left gaping. I saw myself in her in the way she died alone, ignored, rotting from the inside out as cars passed by, the way she was vulnerable, defenseless; she had no way to defend herself against her fate. The scales were tipped against her, the battle lost as soon as she took her first step onto cracked asphalt, doomed beyond her own comprehension and her killer's capacity to care. She had no antlers to defend herself. She didn't stand a chance.

A faceless figure in a nondescript truck, anonymous in the atrocity of death, with no witnesses and no guilt for what they had done. Perhaps I'd already passed them on the street. Perhaps I'd already wished them a good morning. Perhaps I'd done the same with others.

It was almost comforting, in a way, to see such a visceral and grotesque representation of myself, flayed open snd hollowed out and left to rot. It reminded me there were others like me, even if they were roadkilled deer. In the aftermath of catastrophe, I, too, lay broken and gasping, immobile as I watched the world pass me by, no one stopping to notice my agony. I supposed it wasn't quite as obvious as that of a deer, trembling and bleeding from the mouth, branded hot in the shape of a car's front grill. It was confusing, still. It certainly felt more than obvious.

I dreamed of coyote teeth tearing me apart, pulling out my organs as I watched, passive, of vultures picking at my skin, grunting in veneration as they ate me to the bone. I dreamed of crows eating the scraps left behind, pecking at my face and mouth, pulling out my eyes and tongue, rendering me blind and mute. I didn't mind; I hardly had use for them anyways. I dreamed of dandelion blooms crowding my airways, airborne seeds filling my lungs until I choked, and growing from my body again.

I dreamed of love, of prostration and black birds bowed in supplication, owing me their lives, surviving at the price of mine. I dreamed of love, of sickly sweet devotion, like the smell of decay. I dreamed of love, of poisonous butterflies drinking down the nectar of my body's wildflowers, of dangerous beauty. In my dream, I watched the jays snap up those sweet butterflies, bright wings crunching and shredding within the predator's beak, only for the eaten nymph to reappear as its bitter poison burns the jay's oesophagus, vomiting up the offensive prey. The butterfly is not saved. The butterfly is still dead, half-digested and broken in a small puddle of the bird's mucous, but the jay learns; the butterfly's death prevents others.

I dreamed of love, like the coyote and the badger that found my corpse one night, forty million years of evolution between the two, but perfect teamwork nonetheless. The two arrived together and left together after they'd had their fill of my lungs and heart. I wished them well on their journey and waited for the next scavenger to find me.

I hoped the deer on the side of the road found the same peace in death as I had. I hoped she found her closure in the scavengers who worshipped her. I hoped the faceless figure in that nondescript truck faced their retribution and I hoped the faceless figure in my hazy memories faced the Old Testament judgement I so wished.

As I accepted the deer into myself, let the shape of her rotting body brand itself on my mind (reminiscent, almost, of the brand of a car's front grill on her flank), I felt her dreams assimilate with my own. I felt, suddenly, the desire to walk along country highways in the dark, the desire to know what waits on the other side of the road, the desperation so strong that I couldn't stand to wait for the rumbling beast to pass. I felt the awe of staring into blinding light, larger than me and near incomprehensible. I understood why deer stopped in the middle of the road. I'm sure anyone else would, too. The first contact of the car's front grill to her (my) body felt something like love, like the embrace of the only one who could stand to have me.

I thought about the crows that picked off the smaller pieces of flesh missed by the larger scavengers. I thought about the sweet adoration between two black birds as they passed my eyeball to their mate, the pure devotion between them as they preened one another, beaks coated in congealed blood. Their love is a living thing, a separate entity, powerful and writhing. It occupies the crows entirely, not unlike parasitism. Their chicks will grow from my scavenged flesh, insatiable, fledging for the first time above my drying skeleton. To fly had always been a dream of mine, and now it is actualized by those young black birds, fulfilled as they hop unsteadily from branch to branch, their parents watching over them protectively. How lucky I am to witness this. How lucky I am to learn, firsthand, the depth of that love, the endlessness of life, how it begins again, and again, and again.

[neeturnal]

btw all three made the decision

just bc you have a stronger parasocial relationship with one of the founders, they equally get the blame for the bad decision and equally get the praise for reversing it

none of that "shane is in the middle because he voted against it" shit

[neeturnal]

the salesperson at the furniture store when they see three ex-Buzzfeed youtubers looking at a couch:

[neeturnal]

now that watcher has taken back their decision, i wanna say one more thing about what happened: the backlash was a little ridiculous. Yes, you have the right to be disappointed that you can’t afford the streaming service. No, you can’t attack just Steven for something that was all of their decisions. Also, the fact of the matter is that the shows are really expensive to make. even the buzzfeed unsolved shows were expensive to make, but buzzfeed is a giant corporation and can afford that. watcher, a much smaller business, needs the money to keep making the shows that they make. grow up.

[neeturnal]

as happy as i am that watcher has apologised, the fandom has some big fucking apologising to do to

did i watch watcher because of steven lim? no

do i watch any watcher content with steven lim? no

did he deserve to be dogpiled on and have all the blame of this decision put on him, despite the fact that shane and ryan would've 100% had a say in this decision? no the fuck he did not

i was incredibly upset when they announced the paywall like everyone else, but the fact that people were so ready to stoop to racism and to blame one person just because they don't enjoy stevens content as much as shane and ryans is absolutely disgusting. people need to reflect and process the way they behaved because that shit is not on

[neeturnal]

Maybe hot take but I don’t think most of the hate directed toward Steven was racism. It was a proportional (if extreme) reaction to their public personas. Shane and Ryan are why everyone follows watcher, so of course they’re going to get less hate automatically. But even excepting that, this is how each of the boys is perceived:

Steven: CEO (meaning he’d likely be the one making the final decision here, and in the general public consciousness the assumption is that the CEO makes the most money), drives a Tesla, gets goop (notoriously expensive) salads door dashed (notoriously expensive) every day and admitted it without shame, wants to bring back a series that does not include Ryan and Shane (the reason people watch and the content they’d be most ok paying for) and that is at its core is a show of wealth and that previously included gold-flecked ice cream - something obviously expensive and ridiculous

Ryan: neither flagrantly anti-capitalist, nor a flagrant spender, a net neutral in terms of money

Shane: anti-capitalist, regularly tells you to steal from the rich, told you in the goodbye video to steal from the company (share passwords), has never spoken to any degree about what money he makes or what he buys with it, has spent years building this persona by joking directly with fans

I don’t think this is racism, I think this is a direct reaction to perceived classism judged by how each of the boys has shown their wealth and crafted their online persona over the years. The guy with the Tesla was always going to get the most shit. The guy who told you to share passwords was always going to get the least. I don’t think it’s right, all three made this decision together and they all believed in it enough to take it this far (they shot expensive overseas episodes of ghost files - Shane and Ryan’s show - already for god’s sake) but I think crying racism to make justifiably upset fans feel bad is a stretch

[neeturnal]

btw! I was made aware that many people don't know that we're boycotting Eurovision this year, so.

we are boycotting Eurovision, as per BDS guidelines.

don't watch the stream, don't engage with the videos, don't post it about it on social media using hashtags that are going to trend. whatever you're getting from the show isn't worth it

[neeturnal]

it is so incredibly sad to constantly see kids on instagram and tiktok who are younger than my brother have to literally beg for shelter, food, water, medicine, and their right to exist as human beings

i mean, this young girl is only ten years old, yet she is essentially responsible for convincing random people scrolling through instagram that her and her family’s life are worth fighting for

on top of that, their gofundme is not even 10% funded and time is running out, please if you can’t donate, just share

please don’t let this little girl die begging

[neeturnal]

Free Palestine protesters shut down the Golden Gate Bridge and 880 freeway in Oakland. This is huge🫡

[neeturnal]

not watcher fans organizing a way to gift a bunch of subscriptions to their new streaming platform to fans who can't/won't pay for it.......full fucking offense, can y'all go buy an esim for someone in Gaza

[neeturnal]

[neeturnal]

goodnight everyone (:

do your daily click

spreadsheet of families in Gaza you can help today

donate to:

Buy an e-sim

Help diabetics in Gaza

The PCRF

Anera

UNRWA

Taawon

Help Gaza Children

Sudan Tarada Initiative

Help a Sudanese family escape conflict

Darfur Women Action

Ramadan for Sudan

Period products in Sudan

Sudan Emergency Appeal

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