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Horses crossing a river in Iran, photographed by Eydi Heydari

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courageous to refuse to numb yourself with distractions. to be an active participant of life, sensitive to all emotions.

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Rosalía x Motomami Zine by Carlota Guerrero

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España lately

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https://auctionsnew.stairgalleries.com/auction/an-american-icon-property-from-the-collection-of-joan-didion-november-16-2022-13172/lots/90?p=1

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Mexico City lately

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Rachel Cusk quotes on the human condition:

They were both still young enough to believe that this principle of growth was exponential; that life was only expansive, and broke the successive vessels in which you tried to contain it in its need to expand more.

The memory of suffering had no effect whatever on what they elected to do: on the contrary, it compelled them to repeat it, for the suffering was the magic that caused the object to come back and allowed the delight in dropping it to become possible again.

What I knew personally to be true had come to seem unrelated to the process of persuading others. I did not, any longer, want to persuade anyone of anything.

But otherwise this was a story in which I sensed the truth was being sacrificed to the narrator’s desire to win.

There was no such thing as an unblemished childhood, though people will do everything they can to convince you otherwise. There was no such thing as a life without pain.

We should accept occasionally being inconvenienced by our conveniences, he said, just as we had to tolerate flaws in our loved ones: nothing was ever perfect, he said.

Sometimes it has seemed to me that life is a series of punishments for such moments of unawareness, that one forges one’s own destiny by what one doesn’t notice or feel compassion for; that what you don’t know and don’t make the effort to understand will become the very thing you are forced into knowledge of.

It is interesting how keen people are for you to do something they would never dream of doing themselves, how enthusiastically they drive you to your own destruction: even the kindest ones, the ones that are most loving, can rarely have your interests truly at heart, because usually they are advising you from within lives of greater security and greater confinement, where escape is not a reality but simply something they dream of sometimes.

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Outside lately

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on (lacking) dignity

“Put in this way, I have rarely had the impression that I have manifested extraordinary dignity at any time in my life; and I do not have the impression that this is likely to improve. I am going to end up losing my hair and my teeth. My lungs will be reduced to shreds. I will become steadily more or less impotent, more or less incapable, perhaps incontinent and possibly even blind. Once a certain stage of degradation has been reached, I will inevitably end up telling myself (and I will be lucky if it is not someone else pointing it out to me) that I no longer have any dignity.

Well, so what? If that is dignity, one can very well do without it. On the other hand, everyone more or less needs to feel themselves necessary or loved; and, failing that, esteemed—even in my case admired. It is true that can also be lost; but one cannot do much about that; others play in this respect the determining role. And I can easily imagine myself asking to die in the hope that others reply: “Oh no, no. Please stay with us a little longer.” That would be very much my style. And I admit this without the slightest shame. The conclusion, I am afraid, is inescapable: I am a human-being utterly devoid of all dignity.”

My favorite French fuck - Michael Houellebecq - in an essay on France’s proposal to legalize euthanasia

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Mom’s lemon tree fetus

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3am impulse purchase (I’m already obsessed with) and the correct almond butter to apple ratio

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Saam Niami inteviews Oakland’s daddy, Brontez Purnell for Vulture.

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on being willfully nonjudgmental

“One thing I can truly say I love about myself is that I’m too sketch to lead a moral campaign against anybody. Also, leading a moral campaign against anything just seemed like a lot of work and I was stoned.”

“I was not hurt, distressed, or even bothered, only filled with a weird feeling that was somewhere between a premonition and deja vu, like this was a day that had happened many times before and would also, one day, repeat itself.”

—Brontez Purnell, 100 Boyfriends, 2021

My generation talks about healing in the abstract: self care as defense against the oppressive world. What would happen if we learn to discern our feelings and discover that being bitter and outraged is more taxing and toxic to ourselves than others. Brontez talks about healing as something that takes a lot of fucking strength and character to deal with, how being willfully nonjudgemental is a means of transcendence, and how we can practice forgiveness not only for others but for ourselves.

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Birthday gift to myself is here

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Edith Wharton quote for Mom

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So, so good. Molly Young really does it for me