nikolaorsinovapologist

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

i wonder when alice came out, when she transitioned. was it before or after her parents died? did they get to know their daughter? did they learn her name? did they get to see her as herself? does she wish she could've told them? maybe she didn't know yet either, or maybe she did but was still in the closet. does she regret not coming out to them? does she wonder if they would've accepted her? does she wish they could see her years into her transition? maybe they were with her at the start. does she wish they could tell her what a beautiful woman she has become? does she wish they could ask her if she's happy now? does she wish she could hear them call her daughter?

#ON MY FUCKING KNEES

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

Since the OP made their post unrebloggable (and blocked me. Both actions they are well in with their right to do)

I'm going to make my response it's own post because I think the point is important

-

As someone who is autistic and has BPD and CPTSD and loads of trauma yes you sometimes need to change how you interact with others to keep people around

When I was 13 I hit the few friends I had when I was angry

I had to change that in order to keep those friendships

When I was in my early 20s if I was losing an disagreement with my husband I would threaten to kill myself. My husband told me it hurt him and was cruel and manipulative behaviour, because it was.

So I worked hard to change that to keep my relationship

It's easy to say "I shouldn't have to change for others" and that's true to an extent. You shouldn't change your interests or passions or dim your light. And you should have space to be imperfect and flawed and not have to pretend your ugly bits aren't real. But if something you are doing it causing other people harm you kinda need to change that.

That's called "living in a society"

People adapt to each other and make space for each other in their lives. You adapt to them and they adapt to you

You start being more diligent about throwing away the empty toilet roll because it really bothers them. They start warning you before they run the blender because you hate loud noises

I stopped threatening to kill myself because I was mad I was losing an argument and my husband stopped being so vocally judgemental amount media he personally dislikes

There is a certain type of person who heard the phrase "your emotions are valid" and took that to mean "my emotional reactions and my behaviour are always objectively correct because my emotions are valid and if you have an emotional response or react to what I'm doing negatively then you are wrong and you can't be hurt because my emotions are valid"

And that's a recipe for disaster

Your emotions are valid to feel. They are how you feel and there are reasons you feel the way you do

However, your reactions and behaviour are something you can learn to control and can be irrational

We live in a society and we as people change each other as we interact and that isn't necessarily a bad thing

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

uh oh

UH OH

#BONZO BINDER HOLY.FHCK

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

I'm fucking hollering. apollo socked me square in the nose with this one.

#dont make anymore predictions please #your apollos favored apparently

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

"The Stoppables"

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

TRAGIC BACKSTORY ™ UNLOCKED

#tmagp spoilers

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

Sam broke up with Alice.

He broke up with Alice because she didn't know how to take some things seriously. She didn't know when to turn off the jokes. She made one too many jokes about something that wasn't funny and Sam got sick of it.

Do you ever wonder if Alice sat alone in her flat, wishing she was a different person so that she could be what Sam wanted?

And now he needs a job and she wants him back in her life. As a coworker, as a friend, anything. She'll take anything. She misses him.

She's learned her lesson this time. And now every time Sam tells Alice to "turn it off" she does so without any hesitation. She shuts right the hell up. She doesn't do that with any other person in the office. But for Sam, she'll try and be what he wants her to be.

And he goes and gets a crush on his coworker. Not Alice, though. Never Alice. No, he gets a crush on the beautiful, emotionally available girl that he has no past with and all the promises of a future. And she has to watch him bounce around her in a twitter pated mess, trying and failing to flirt and she remember what it was like when he was flirting with her. She remember that sweet, earnest care he gave her and how he too once offered her his good teas.

Maybe it wasn't enough just to be coworkers, to be friends. But it's too late now.

And now he comes back from his date, drunk and happy and looking like he's just a few more dates from getting lucky. She probably doesn't make awkward jokes because she doesn't know how to be real and authentic. Celia's probably perfect for Sam, the way Alice never was.

And now all Alice has left are the jokes, so she makes them and she hopes they hide everything.

They don't. Of course they don't.

"Be professional."

And now she's standing there. The ex girlfriend who's not over her old flame and everyone in the office knows it. She's standing there alone and Sam has robbed her of all the jokes.

Who is she without them?

#ON MY FUCKING KNEES #these alice posts are killing me #i could treat you right bbg #tmagp spoilers

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

I'M CLAWING AT THE WALLS BECAUSE OF THE PARALLELS BETWEEN SAM AND OLIVER BANKS PLEASE

Does the story of Sam's breakdown sound familiar to anyone?? It really reminds me of Oliver Banks' story

Oliver got a job at Barclays, but he ended up having a nervous breakdown, which was the start of his fall to The End

After a while of being unemployed, he got a job at a crystal shop where he worked with Jane Prentiss (who fell into the corruption eventually)

In this case, Sam's crystal shop would be the OIAR

Oliver mentions breaking up with Graham Folger and Graham lost his parents in a car accident

ANDDD WE FIND OUT ALICE'S PARENTS ARE ALSO DEAD AND SHE'S SAM'S EX DO YOU SEE THE PARALLELS POOKIE

In tma, Graham got replaced by the not-them, so is this foreshadowing something will happen to alice god I hope not (but its also implied in tma that Graham knew more about the entities then he let on, same with Alice, remember the no glitch when she said she 'knows'?)

In this case, would Sam have his own 'Jane Prentiss'?

So far, we've been trying to draw parallels on the OIAR staff and the original archival staff,

but what if we've been making parallels with the wrong characters?

#tmagp spoilers #oh god oh fuck #moreso for alice i love her snd if she gets got im gonna kms/j

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

this episode killed me. celia is a MOTHER? sam used to VAUGEPOST? gwen is literally JONATHAN SIMS? lena is basically ELIS BOUCHARD? SOME OF THEM ARE BENEVOLENT?????????

#tmagp spoilers

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

Doodle of Jonathan Sims through Season 1-5!

Not the final version I think. But wanted to draw him throughout the season. Had a BLAST and EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER RIDE while listening. BUT I'M FINE.

Anyway, here's a wet cat of a man.

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

Personal Adjustment = the bugs

#the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #tmagp

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

NEW EXTERNAL SOON LETS FUCKING GOOOO

#tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus protocol

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

Can't believe Celia Fucks

#tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus protocol #tmagp ep 13

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

great minds think alike

#tmagp spoilers

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

Imagine you're me, about to listen to the new Magnus Protocol episode. You see the title is "Getting Off" and you chuckle to yourself. Then you immediately feel bad because no, you just have a dirty mind. Johnny and Alex are trying to craft a serious, complex, and horrifying story that hopes to surpass its amazing predecessor and you're laughing. Grow up me. Getting off is probably referring to a train or a bus -- maybe even a boat! Yeah that makes sense, because the last statement we had was ocean-themed. Cool, now that we got that cleared up, let's press play--

And the episode is about a fucking killer mascot going to a strip club. God I hate it here.

#tmagp spoilers

[nikolaorsinovapologist]

yeah