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Kill Gortash or Orin first? This is how I imagined the conversation at the camp.

Maeve: Alright guys, who should we kill first? Gortash-

Karlach: Gortash!

Maeve: Karlach, please, let me finish.

Karlach: Oh, right. Sorry.

Maeve: As I was saying, Gortash or Orin-

Karlach: GORTASH!!!

Maeve: Duly noted. Shadowheart?

Shadowheart: Lae'zel.

Maeve: Uh, no, the choice was between Gortash and Orin-

Lae'zel: Shadowheart.

Maeve: Well, that's not what I asked, but I appreciate your honesty, girls. Let's move on. Gale?

Gale: I also say Gortash, for Karlach.

Karlach: Aaaaah, thanks man!

Gale: Anytime.

Maeve: Good. Now, Wyll?

Wyll: I would say Orin, a shapeshifter on the loose is dangerous.

Maeve: You have a point. Halsin?

Halsin: Gortash, definitely.

Maeve: Jaheira?

Jaheira: Orin, obviously.

Maeve: Okay, 3 to 2 so far. Minsc, what do you think?

Minsc: About what, my friend?

Maeve: Should we kill Gortash or Orin first?

Minsc: Boo and Minsc say yes!

Maeve: You haven't answered my question. Who should we kill first, Gortash or Orin?

Minsc: YES!

Jaheira: Cub, you won't get a different answer.

Maeve: Right. Astarion?

Astarion: Cazador.

Maeve: He wasn't on the list, my love.

Astarion: Exactly, he wasn't! But now he is, right?

Maeve:

Astarion: Pretty please?

Maeve:

Astarion: 🥺

Maeve, sighing: Fine! Let's go kick your ex-master's ass first.

Astarion: YES!

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Tav Backstory Ask Game

Is your Tav Baldurian? If yes, did they grow up in Baldur’s Gate? If no, where are they from?

Does your Tav have any siblings? Are they close?

Who was your Tav raised by?

Is your Tav close with whoever raised them?

Is your Tav religious? Were they raised that way?

When did your Tav learn their abilities/skills?

Did your Tav travel a lot pre-tadpole?

Does your Tav have any pets?

What did they do for work/to get by?

Was your Tav in a relationship? How did it end?

Did your Tav know or know of any of the other characters?

Is your Tav a guild member?

Was your Tav well known by others or did they stick to the shadows?

Does your Tav have any childhood friends?

Do they have any sentimental items?

What’s your Tav’s favorite childhood memory?

What’s your Tav’s worst childhood memory?

What did they want to be when they were younger?

Any memories that stick out to you/your Tav about their life pre-tadpole?

Did they know any nobility?

What kind of education did your Tav have?

Does your Tav have any children?

Share any hcs/anything you want to say about your Tav’s backstory

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Ways in which I think Tav shows Astarion love: (SFW)

*Tav is gender-neutral*

Gentle touches to the face.

Cue Tav walking up to Astarion in camp; Astarion greets them with his usual flirtatious greeting and a smirk, asking them if they need anything. Tav just raises their hand and gently brush a loose strand of his hair out of his face and cups his cheek, telling the vampire how they just wanted to see how he was doing.

Astarion is caught off guard, not used to intimate physical touch, ones that don't come with him eventually bedding the other person.

But he relaxes into it, enjoying the warmth of Tav's roughened palm. "I'll alright, now that you are here," he purred.

Hugs, feeling the way Tav wraps their arms securely around his torso.

Since his confession, Tav would occasionally come up to him and ask if they could hug him, always mindful of his consent.

At first, he had no idea as to what to do with his hands when wrapped up in his lover's embrace, uncomfortably stiff. But Tav gently guided his hands to the cusp of their lower back. If Tav is taller than Astarion, they cup the back of his head and leads him to lay it on the top of their chest, right where there heart is. If Tav is smaller, they cradle his face into the side of their neck, chin on their shoulder. Soon, Astarion would need no motivation to snuggle into his lover's chest/neck.

He secretly enjoys Tav's back hugs the best, once he is comfortable enough to let them to approach him from behind. Tav laying their chin on his shoulder and sneaking a cheek kiss if they are taller, or snuggling their face into the back of his armor/shirt with a smile ... It brings a love-sick genuine smile to his pale lips.

Trailing touches along his arms.

Tav usually does this to let him know they are coming up alongside them without causing the vampire to flitch back at their unexpected movement. He likes it even more when he's in his camp clothes and his shirt sleeves are rolled up, allowing him to feel the lingering warmth of their fingers on his cold skin.

Laying beside each other on his and their bedrolls.

They don't even have to say anything, just the two of them staring at each other, memorizing the little details of their faces. Astarion enjoys when Tav runs a finger across his cheekbone and jaw, playfully biting at it as the digit trails over his lips. His favorite feature of Tav's at times like this are their eyes. He can see the affection and love in their eyes as they look at him. It almost makes his undead heart start beating again.

Sleepy cuddles.

Most of the time he's the small spoon, either with his head directly on their chest, their heart beat lulling him into a trance, wrapped up in Tav's warm arms and legs tangled together. Sometimes it's the other way around, with Tav snuggled into the crook of his arm, leg thrown over his and hand on his chest, one of his hands on their lower back. Cuddle sessions tend to happen after a feeding session, even before his confession in Act 2. It eventually starts to become a nightly routine, even if no feeding is involved.

"I like it when you stay with me. I feel safe with you," Tav told him one time when Astarion questioned them on it. Astarion swears he could hear his undead heart beating again.

Tav's fingers running through his hair.

This of course tended to happen when they had their nightly cuddle sessions and during the act of feeding. When feeding, the feeling on Tav's fingers in his hair would ground him as he gave into his sanguine desire, reminding him to not take too much. When cuddling, Tav's fingers served to relax him as the motion of their fingers gently racking across his scalp lulled him into a trance. The act also filled his chest with warmth, which he finally realized was love and admiration after he confessed to Tav.

Waking up next to Tav.

This tends to happen after a feeding session and the subsequent cuddle session (after the confession in Act 2). In the morning, he's either wrapped around Tav with his head buried into the valley of their neck, slowly breathing in their signature scent (not just their blood, but the natural scent on their skin), or he's encased in Tav's arms with his head buried in their chest as they cradle him close. Astarion wants nothing more than to stay in their shared tent together like that all day, but sadly they have to separate or else they will never get those tadpoles out of their heads.

Feeling safe whenever he decides to sleep with no shirt and bare his scars.

The raised flesh on his back where his master carved his sadistic poem - which he then learned was part of an infernal contact that he was going to be sacrificed for - was by far the most traumatic and cruelest torture Cazador inflicted upon him. The slightest touch on his scars would cause him to flinch away and he refused to let anyone touch him there. Taking off his shirt, even in the confines of his own tent, was out of the question.

But with you, he craved the feeling of your fingers trailing shapeless figures on his bare chest, not just over his sleep shirt. He wanted to feel the warmth of your fingers to heat up his cold pale skin over his heart, almost as if it would seep deep into the organ.

When Astarion decided he could lay himself bare to you (figuratively speaking in this sense), he was practically shaking, desperately trying to calm his nerves as Tav slowly brought a steady hand to the spot above his heart. He didn't flitch at the first contact, sighing in content as Tav continued their ministrations.

After this first step, Astarion found that this act played into their cuddle sessions, usually right before Astarion and Tav start their day or before they feel asleep, regardless of a nightly feeding session.

Slowly letting Tav touch his scars.

This would probably take years for him to do, but luckily the both of them have time after the end of Act 3.

It would start with allowing Tav to gently caress the upper edges of his scars closest to his neck and by the small of his back closest to his hips.

For the longest time, that's all he could handle without him having flashbacks to the time they were created and cowering away from Tav's touch.

But Tav understood; they never pressured him nor did they expect to fully being to fully touch his scars. They were content with just skimming lightly across the back of his hip, tracing the spot where his neck met his back. If this is all they were allowed to do, then so be it. They would never push Astarion's boundaries and verbally told him to tell them if they accidently did.

Reading together in silence.

When not off adventuring, Astarion could be found rustling through whatever book he had on hand. Tav noticed this and decided early on to spend some of their downtime to read something quietly alongside him. Astarion teased them about this at first, saying something about how desperate they were to be in his company. As their relationship blossomed, this act continued, with Astarion sitting on a stool scraped up from an abandoned location, book in hand, while Tav lounged against the vampire's pile of pillows outside his tent, a nameless tome also in hand. When this started to become a frequent thing, Astarion frequently caught himself peering over at Tav from the top of his book, silently watching as their eyes skimmed at the runes on the page, the way a finger was used to hold their place in their reading, mind focused on the story in front of them. Astarion liked the sight of them this relaxed and their quiet presenance. After the end of their adventure, when the two decided to remain together, this act becomes a staple way they spend their quality time together. In a townhouse in Baldur's Gate, the two of them could be seen reading quietly next to each other, cuddled in each others arms as a fire rages in the main room's fireplace.

Playing with his fingers and hands.

Whenever they are bored, whether they be at a tavern or listening to a mindless conversation, Tav ends up gently playing with Astarion's hand as it sits idle. Astarion raised an eyebrow the first time he noticed Tav doing this, in which they were silently comparing the sizes of their palms and digits. He never knew gentle touch before, so he was still learning the many different ways Tav show affection through harmless contact. Eventually, he gets used to it, paying absolutely no mind as Tav takes his hand and starts trailing along the roughed fingertips or caressing his knuckles. He finds it comforting, the act silently letting him known that his lover was there for him. He finds it especially humorous when they decide to take a playful nip at his digits, an amused smile on his lips as he jokes "Don't make me return the favor," and returns with a peck on their mouth

Brushing of fingers as they walk side by side (mainly when in the city).

The city of Baldur's Gate was quite populated, making their usually close-quartered party have to repeatedly be cautious as they tried to make their ways through the crowded streets without losing a party member as they occasionally get cut off by passersby.

Astarion was edge the moment they got closed to the city walls, even more so once they made it to the Lower City. He was Cazador's territory now and though he and his spawn could not go out in the daylight, there were other minions of the vampire lord that could be hiding in the busy streets.

The numerous Baldurians constantly impeding their groups way did nothing to help this, as it meant someone usually was temporarily separated from the others and was lagging behind before they could meet back up with the group. Astarion tried to keep a constant eye on Tav, but sometimes they too got swept up in the crowds.

Tav didn't like this either as they too grew slightly worried whenever they lost sight of Astarion as they tried to file through numerous crowds, wanting to keep an eye on the vampire spawn as they drew nearer to his master's residence.

So, whenever they were near each other, Tav made it a routine to gently brush their fingers against Astarion's knuckles to let them know they were beside them, regardless if he could see them or not.

The gentle carassess acted as a soothing balm, calming his heart as he felt the briefest warmth of their fingers on his skin. Sometime he longed to outright take a hold of their hand, but he knew they both needed their hands free in case they were attacked. But he knew one day, after this adventure was over, he would be able to do hold their hand in his as they trail downt eh numerous pathways the city harbors without a care in world, safe from vampire lords and death cults alike.

Cleaning his face after a tough battle.

This man gets dirty after a battle. Blame it on being a vampire or him being a dastardly rogue with a penchant for daggers, but his face is usually covered in blood. Astarion usually just washed his face himself, after sampling a couple of drops onto his tongue, but after their little deed at the tiefling party, Tav has come up to him with a wet rag or sponge to gently wipe away the grim once they made it make to camp. "Here, let me do it for you," they would say. Astarion would try to argue with them, flirtatious jokes and compliments coming out of his mouth, but Tav wouldn't hear it. "Just let me do something nice for you. And how else do you expect to get everything without using a mirror?" Astarion shut up after their little mirror comment, knowing they were right. Also, this nice act being performed on him without expecting some form of repayment? Impossible, surely you want something from him. Yet, it kept happening, again and again, without Astarion having to repay this kindness by sleeping with Tav. And a part of him secretly enjoyed the way the cool rag or sponge gently wiped away the grime on his brow, the scent of berand rosemary filling his lungs as he breathed the mixture of scented oils on the rag/sponge. Though, he would let them know it, until he confessed to them once he realized his true feelings. Then he return the favor, along with peppering Tav's face with numerous kisses to boot.

Words of affirmation, specifically complimenting him on other things than beside his looks.

As he spent nearly 200 years using his good looks and body to seduce victims to bring back to Cazador, the last thing Astarion wants to be reminded of is how handsome he is. He's sick and tired of being seen as nothing but just a pretty face, even if he flaunts his looks to get what he wants. It's more of a bad habit, knowing nothing else but than to manipulate to secure safety. With Tav, they try to remind him that he is more than this, hence the constant affirmations and complements.

For example, his embroidery skills. He's constantly patching up his clothing and once him and Tav officially become a couple, it is likely he starts doing the same for their clothing. Tav gushes over his fine craftsmanship, whether he's embroidering a complex design or just hemming a tear in one of their lounge wears.

Other skills of Astarion that Tav constantly fonds over: his locksmanship ability; his journey to becoming a better man; his soft spot for children and pets; his sass and dark humor; his exceptionally good taste in wine; his genuine laughter and little giggles. This man is usually left speechless at Tav's words, unable to do nothing but leave a flurry of kisses across their face as a soft smile graces his lips.

In all these ways, Astarion has been "I love you" without hearing those 3 magic words from Tav. But it's all he ever need.

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We were denied

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HE DIDN'T WANT TO LET GO HE DIDN'T WANT TO LET GO HE DIDN'T WANT TO LET GO!!! -screams-

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„comforting cuddles“ quick something I made for that

I love interactions where Tav is able to break through astarion‘s facade to show him that there’s more to a deeper connection, that he isn’t just wanted for his body. Just being yknow. I like to imagine that tav would watch over his nightmares and cuddle him to comfort him; like a „warm water bottle“ would be nice for a comfort needing vamp haha (and yes astarion has a more lavish pillow than the others ;D)

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cannot stop thinking about this skit from the new i think you should leave season

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Fiancé just ordered me an iPhone 14 pro for not offing myself this week 😀. I haven’t had a day off in almost 5 weeks now cause there’s no other employee in my department now who knows how to do everything you gotta get done in a day. Thankfully some of the shifts end up just being 2-3 hours before I get to go home, but regardless, I still have college so I’ve literally been coming home and immediately sobbing for an hour or so then just going to bed (I get home before 2pm). He’s definitely been great in dealing with me throughout the burnout and I appreciate the waking me up for food or just to gimme snacks. I can’t fuckin wait for my bosses to hire me a fuckin coworker otherwise they’ll need to replace two people and not just one. My body cannot do this anymore and my brains fried.

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PASSIVE SUICIDAL thoughts got you down??? Try MOCKING THE BRITISH today!!1!1 Easy, fun, and completely beneficial to your mental state! Failed a test? God I’m gonna kms Well that’s a roight bumma innit! Dealing with shitty parents? I literally want to die fancy a row then, mate! Try replacing jokes at the expense of your life with a British accent! 💯💯💯

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When I’m having a bad brain time

Or dissociating

There’s a voice in my head

That tells me exactly what to do

Step by step

Based on how I’m feeling

It goes like this

You need to eat to take meds

Get a pot

It’s on the drying towel

Put it in the sink

Fill it up with water

Pick it up

Put it on the stove, on a burner

Turn the burner on

Good, good job

Okay, you’re uncomfy in your clothes

Find a t-shirt

Put that on

Alright now some pajama shorts

Put those on

Okay, good, more comfy

Is it too loud?

Earplugs are next to your bed

Put one in, then the other

Good

And I follow blindly

No questioning

No wondering

Just do

Because if I don’t

I will collapse in a heap on the floor

From indecision

Anxiety

Feeling like everything is too much all at once

And my body will not get taken care of

Until my brain decides we’re okay again

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Worst cramps ever so my fiancé suggested that I take a hot bath but I always complain that it never gets hot enough. Like yeah it gets warm enough that you gotta slowly submerge yourself otherwise you’re gonna shock the hell out of your body but I wanna feel like a soup when I’m in there yknow? So I gave in and said yeah okay, I’ll try it. I go up and lay down by the tub while it fills cause when I’m standing the floor feels like it’s moving and this sweet motherfucker warmed up a pot of water and added it to the bath so it’d be hot enough to actually help. I love him.

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Things People Don’t Mention About Top Surgery or Mastectomies

There is reluctance to do the surgery if you live alone, even if you have a good support system. One of the most stressful things was the hospital constantly asking about who would be looking after me, picking me up, etc. I really felt the bias towards people who are married and against people who are single. I don’t think it was intentional but it was definitely there. (Please read more about this situation here) That being said you will definitely need a robust support system of some kind to get through everything in the first 4 -8 weeks or more after surgery. 

All your pill bottles will have safety caps and you won’t have the strength to open them on your own without a lot of struggling.

There are soooo many medications. Take them as prescribed and when they say take the level of pain meds you need to manage your pain, do it. I got opiods and ibuprofen. If the pain is bad 5-7+ on the 1-10 scale take the stronger meds. Pain can slow healing by causing stress on the body.

Drains are a pain in the ass. Every hour pushing the hoses so they don’t clog. Major drag but they are very important and if they get clogged it can cause issues

Sleeping sitting up, prepare for this. Lots of pillows or recliner or something. Practice for a week or more before surgery to get used to it. 

Sleep as much as you need. Don’t feel like you should stay awake or whatever because you are supposed to or it is day time or whatever. Listen to your body.

Drink lots and lots of fluids. You may think you are drinking enough but you probably aren’t. The fluid in the drains and the medicines and peeing all the time and sweating from the tight wrap. You need to replace all of this fluid. I think I have been up around 80+ oz the past few days.

The month before and a month after surgery eat a high protein and higher calorie diet. It will help with surgery and recovery. You need the energy and the protein to recover. 

Cut out added salt, caffiene, alcohol, and nicotine before surgery and during recovery. All of these can increase fluid retention, slow healing, or be dangerous with the meds.

Your chest will feel very strange. At first you can’t feel anything and then the skin feels tight everywhere and still strange. The recovery process feels real weird. Your whole torso feels kind of bizarre and new.

Ask all the questions. No question is stupid. It’s trauma to your body ask all the questions. YES all of them.

The tube (intubation) from surgery irritates the throat. Coughing from this sucks so damned much because of the binder and the chest tightness and what not. Find lozenges (Both cough drops and just candy) that you like. I say candy because too many cough drops can upset the stomach and you don’t need that after anesthesia and with all the meds. Also get popsicles.

Take everything out of packages you can before surgery. They are damned hard to open. Those paper cartons holding the apple sauce and snapping apart pudding cups and pulling apart pill blister packs.. ugh I should have taken them apart before the surgery.

Scissors are your friend and every package is an enemy. Seriously, get a good pair of scissors for packaging.

Also, skip 2 liters of pop, gallon of milk, etc. They will be too heavy to pick up after surgery. You can be more independent if  you get smaller size things.

Timers are your friend. All the phone timers forever. Also, handwritten or some other chart type to keep track of drain cleaning and taking meds. You will be sleepy and forgetful the first few days. Use other things to help you keep track.

Take stock of how your lights go on and off. Can you reach them while pretending you are a T-Rex. If not, especially ceiling fans and that, put long strings on the pulls so that you can operate them while you can’t raise your arms.

Also check your doors to make sure they don’t stick. You won’t be able to tug hard on doors or drawers or whatever.

Get yourself some treats. Food related or clothing or whatever. Treats will help.

Before surgery plan out and prepare at least a week of meals. Be sure to include some that are easy on the stomach like crackers, rice and chicken, etc. Just in case you have stomach upset from the anesthesia or meds. Gentle foods include starches and chicken/tofu that is low fat and low spice so that it is gentle.

Soft fuzz free and easy to get on clothing is essential. I went out and got a couple of those shorts and button down shirt pajama sets. Life savers. Also, get a size or two bigger than usual to accommodate drains and padded bandages and things. 

Strange pains, you will probably have them. 

Be sure to do the arm exercises as directed by your surgeon and watch your shoulders hunching. The shoulder hunching is from the chest tightness but you don’t want your back to start hurting. Try to sit up as straight as you can.

Pump action soap dispensers will be too hard to use the first few days.

Weeks before surgery, start teaching yourself how to do things without your arms; like standing up, getting into and out of bed, squatting, getting up from chairs, etc. Practice doing things with your elbows next to your chest like a t-rex; getting food and drinking, brushing teeth, taking meds, etc This will be very important

I am sure there are more but I thought some of you might benefit from the things I have learned so far from going through surgery.

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