nom-compos-mentis

[nom-compos-mentis]

i think my biggest regret this year is losing a friend more than losing a partner cuz like for this one i knew that it was my fault and i wasn't being a good friend but like i was struggling as well. im always like the jealous type, i always wanna belong and hate being left out but yeah i rly showed a bad side of me that ppl didn't like that one of them had to cut me off for being toxic. it also took a few months for me to realize that ive lost her already bc i was jus detaching myself from the pain in the situation. i was griefing when i found out but ive like made my peace w it. i have peace but then sometimes there's just what if's but the past months of jus isolating, u just cant force things. i thought abt trying to fix it but sometimes u just gonna let things go. so at the end of the day, i am proud of myself. i lost a bit of confidence in myself and feel like ive been isolating myself from friends cuz im like so scared of not being a good fit in a group but like also im jus rly glad i still have them, such a big opener that not everything is abt me and like they're always jus gon be there and we're all jus living our lives. anyways, glad that i had u in my college life and i hope someday we can be civil w each other ;) <3

[nom-compos-mentis]

so i jus went back to 2019 when lily had her heartbreak about her ex cheating on her and it's jus more sad bc it's public and like what ppl think of u and the situation it's insane and crazy ofc they're gonna side w lily cuz she's obv the victim of infidelity (i knew her in 2020 and i think she's already dating michael) so yea anyways watching the vid of like the timeline of what happened sucks and i felt a lil bit hurt by the betrayal of it all, of ur loved one betraying u after u give all ur love to them and it just sucks. then, i realized that ive also experience being cheated on lol but like i didn't think it was a big deal now and it jus made me realize that ive moved past it. i can move past the worst painful things in life and maybe forgive idk lol, however yea there is no turning back ever. jus wow sometimes u jus have experience to feel things and learn and grow. it's not forever that u feel the pain u felt and dealt w for so long. im so proud of myself for recovering from not feeling enough as a person for that person.

im jus rly sorry for ppl who have experienced that cuz it rly sucks when u feel the excruciating pain of ooofff

[nom-compos-mentis]

i honestly just cant wait to get busy and not give too much shits abt other stuff bc i srsly hate having lots of time for caring i jus hope i get a different life at work and be treated well bc im honestly so tired of being treated like a piece of shit

[nom-compos-mentis]

i’m watching the kardashians in disney+ which was the first thing i watched here lol and like damn i’m so annoyed at scott lol,, he’s literally like a crazy ex boyfriend AAAAAAAAAHHH he is so frustrating. yes u have kids with ur ex and u treat ur family’s ex but wtf, he is ur ex ?? and u still have feelings for him right? yet u know ur not better and will never be better. damn u had 3 kids but no ring-- wtf is that? then u like act ok that kourt is engaged and sayin travis has got a lot to work to?? lmao, how bitter r u? didnt u jus say that u like kourt?? dafuq? arent u the one hoping that u two will end up together?? again?? damn and ur manipulating the kardashians for not being invited to stuff, excuse me??? and sayin that they’re ur only family?? their family is kourt and u were once a family but its over now, ur just the father of u and kourt’s children. idk man i can’t stand him, he’s like so problematic and needs a lot of therapy. he seems like he doesnt have a lot of friends and he needs to get a life away from the kardashians bc kourt is starting her own family. he should also do that and stop saying shit.

[nom-compos-mentis]

i love my mom but i can’t forgive her for always giving me silent treatment for little mistakes i make and making me feel like such an asshole (while she doesn’t get mad at my sister for being a lazy ass as well bc surprise the youngest is always the favorite) and how i adapted her trait of giving people i love silent treatment and being petty for their actions when i get hurt or disappointed over the smallest thing and also making them feel like crap about themselves. i can’t fucking stop it, i know it’s wrong but it’s the only thing i can do and i wish i can communicate to my mom how crazy and traumatizing that makes me feel. the way i can see how much she adores and gives so much attention to my sister even when she does mistakes or being a bitch is crazy. now i often seek love and attention from people especially my partner and when i dont get much attention, i seek it for and become unreasonable. i hate that. i fucking hate the way i live sometimes.

[nom-compos-mentis]

played overwatch earlier and dude i was such a bad mercy like all i can do is heal and i’m not even healing that well unlike our other healer and i have like only 5k heals and theirs was 7k and i got 0 eliminations and only few assists then i’m hopeless bc all i do is freaking die bc i don’t much skills beside healing then i switched to moira and dude my kda was so much better i had 11 eliminations and like more assists and healing 😭😭 and we also won the game so idk i think i popped off before in moira than mercy lol

[nom-compos-mentis]

narealize ko parang isang beses lang ako sinundo nila papa for the purpose na sunduin lang ako ganon ??? i mean ofc susunduin ako pag galing airport pero like ung idk gala or something na for my own interest tapos susunduin ako?? it was shs ung first overnight ko w friends sa debut ng friend ko, sinundo nila ako ng umaga and that was a shining moment for me kasi i felt special na sinundo ako ganon? tapos ngayon lahat ako nalang,, commute magisa and i learned everything on my own. then i realized my sister has it all. shs na sya pero hatid sundo pa sya minsan ni papa tas pag may mga gala hinahatid sya or sinusundo tho gets ko mas malapit sya pero grabe ung privilege nya as a bunso kasi un ung mga di ko naexperience 😭😭😭 i guess perks tlga ng pagiging bunso ung parang oldest kami nakaranas lahat ng pagiging strict, being independent and coping by urself while ung bunso nakuha nila lahat ng love, ung mga wrong parenting sa eldest maapply na sa youngest and jus sometimes u cant help but be jealous kasi parang ang swerte nila but at the same time you are who u are bc ure the eldest 😭😭 i saw a tiktok na unstable daw mga eldest based sa mga fictional characters and nag comment ako na “i knew something is wrong with the eldest” and may nagreply “bold of u to assume there was something right” lmao that was so funny but like lol yea 😭😭 idk based sakin very independent ung mga panganay. my bff is a bunso pero ung ate nya na pinsan ko din sobrang similar namin in some ways na we like the same games, music pati ung like anxiety. dude we r so similar na di kami clingy sa tao except like few ppl kasi we were raised to be strong for our parents 😭 tas idk based sa exp ko ung mga friends kong panganay mej unstable din HAHAHAHAHAHA coincidence?? i think not !!

[nom-compos-mentis]

i jus remembered i had two clutch yesterday hehe tho i failed lots of other stuff such a resurrecting someone and then failing to protect them and all but lol got clutches bro that's all that matters

oh and hey ppl complimenting me when i get like kills like that demn

so i had the first clutch i killed two of them

then next is i got 4 kills by like kinda hiding first to avoid death then killed all of them while they're distracted hehe

then i also killed astra while i was concussed by her which is like the best kill i think omg i killed a breach once too while i was concussed by him and boy it feels so good idk man it's just wwooooooOoohh

[nom-compos-mentis]

my top 3 wallows songs (in order particular order)

- are you bored yet (classic idk so catchy and love the lyrics so much)

- drunk in halloween (this is the first song of them that i’ve listened to and it holds very special in my heart)

- i don’t wanna talk (it’s like they were reading my mind while making this song idk it’s just a masterpiece)

[nom-compos-mentis]

rewatching inside job bc idk wtf to watch 😭😭

ok so i finished inside job today which is one of the best cartoon and i think i like it more than rick and morty or idk. it’s just more than scifi and not jus for family but friendship and romance as well which i like. learning so much as well abt diff people in the series and idk. s2 holds a special place in my heart esp the last episode like damn, the way she has to decide if career or love and damn she can’t pick both. she’s just gonna be unhappy if she quits work bc she’s a genius and that’s her passion and if she chooses work, she’s gonna lose the love of her life after being psychotic in the first season and practicing to date a guy through a robot version of the guy lol. anyway, i want s3 and idk its such a fun 3 days of watching it lol i hate watching good shows bc i binge watch it and idk wat to do after AaaaaaHhhH idk other good shows to watch idk how it can top off inside job. also the creator of inside job directed few episodes of rick n morty i think and damn i love him, he is so great and he’s a genius

[nom-compos-mentis]

ok so i finished inside job today which is one of the best cartoon and i think i like it more than rick and morty or idk. it’s just more than scifi and not jus for family but friendship and romance as well which i like. learning so much as well abt diff people in the series and idk. s2 holds a special place in my heart esp the last episode like damn, the way she has to decide if career or love and damn she can’t pick both. she’s just gonna be unhappy if she quits work bc she’s a genius and that’s her passion and if she chooses work, she’s gonna lose the love of her life after being psychotic in the first season and practicing to date a guy through a robot version of the guy lol. anyway, i want s3 and idk its such a fun 3 days of watching it lol i hate watching good shows bc i binge watch it and idk wat to do after AaaaaaHhhH idk other good shows to watch idk how it can top off inside job. also the creator of inside job directed few episodes of rick n morty i think and damn i love him, he is so great and he’s a genius

[nom-compos-mentis]

~ fangirl moment ~

so im done studying for the day, i finished the hrm pdf w 200+ pages so yay me i deserve to rest after days of hardwork 🥹 so im jus chillin rn and i wanted to play stardew but i would jus get addicted so i switched to watching le sserafim leniverse yay and omg i love them so much 🥲 i think they’re like the second girl group that i really love and the first one is twice. i actually came back to kpop bc of new jeans but they’re still a bit new and i only like their songs idk abt their variety but le sserafim members have such good variety. they have great songs and i laugh a lot in their leniverse variety show. they have so much charisma and personality. so my bias is kazuha bc i love her sm she’s literally a goddess and she’s my second after jihyo bc no one can replace her. tho i didnt notice her much before antifragile where she’s like wtf so hot 😭 but overall, in variety i love yunjin she has so much personality and ure jus never gonna get bored at her. idk she’s just naturally charismatic and funny and she’s like so serious performing, im so glad she debuted bc dude she freaking deserves it. next is eunchae which i think the last person who caught my eye but i love her being a maknae, a kid and a competitive one who is like great at games idk she jus feels bubbly and i can see her personality shining. next is sakura which i adore her since izone and her personality is also freaking great. she’s like a perfect human being lol she’s gorgeous, great performer, great charisma and such a great personality. she freaking play games and is competitive as well and idk she’s like a genius and she’s jus really amazing. chaewon is such a great leader, i didnt pay much attention to her on izone but damn did she change for the better like she can caught anyone’s eyes in le sserafim. i swear she’s like a brand new person and this is her concept and she freaking shines. i also love her personality, she’s so cute and competitive but not too competitive but idk she’s adorable but her outside is like so strong. last in kazuha which i didn’t notice her before bc she didnt do much in the first leniverse lol but after antifragile she’s my queen and she’s so cute, she’s kinda the shy and reserved one but when she smiles and all that i love it and im so soft for it. she’s not the best at hangul but she’s so cute esp when she tried to imitate “ready or not” in hangul for rock paper scissors lmao idk man i cant explain my love for her and all of them idk. it’s just my love for her is so much but all the other members shine too and i love all of them 🥹

[nom-compos-mentis]

i have to save the last two episodes of inside job so i can have more sanity for later lol so when tf do i find more of these shows

[nom-compos-mentis]

when brett finally got the approval he needed 😭😭😭😭 also lil brett we love 😭😭😭 brett is so fucking pure and kind but he just needs approval im crying

[nom-compos-mentis]

i freaking wish therapy is normalized and accessible to everyone 🫤

[nom-compos-mentis]

the fact that im sure that i need therapy but so scary go have one. im a psych major but wtf it's scary to just open up all ur feelings to someone 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 its also expensive like 1k i guess per session and how maybe one session per week idk

[nom-compos-mentis]

saw this on twitter but is it wrong to actually listen to taylor swift songs that arent tv yet? i mean i love her songs, wtf do i do if she hasn’t released her version yet?? 😭😭 i don’t have an album but come on, i would like to appreciate her other songs even tho it’s not really hers. i think what’s problematic is listening to her old versions when her tv has already been released right?? just release speak now 😭 or just release any gRrrr