nowayatm

[nowayatm]

The people who know i have done sex work truly just don’t know what it’s like. They think i’m like some unquenchable sex demon when the whole thing was just insecure middle aged men fondling me and cumming fast and comparing me to their daughter. Like i barely had to do anything. And most of my bad sexual experiences came from sex work. I started doing it to “reclaim” my sexuality after i was raped but it just made me infinitely worse lmao. So i hate when people act like i’m some kind of succubus or evil bitch just because i fucked for money five years ago. But i’ll always be honest about it because i want people to reveal who they really are

[nowayatm]

Does anyone actually find me attractive or do they just see a body

[nowayatm]

Horrible, horrible nightmares

[nowayatm]

This just isn’t riiiiiiight why am i still gaining weight????? I barely ate all day!!!!!

#😰😰😰😰😰

[nowayatm]

You know what is really annoying as fuck is that my mom keeps insisting that racism and ableism are 1 to 1 in their forms of discrimination and they’re really not at all. I get she’s trying to relate to me but our experiences are not the same and what are solutions to her problems are NOT solutions to mine. She told me to disclose my autism to my employer and i said no because they just won’t hire me. In her mind, she thinks it will give me a leg up because employers like to “diversify” their workplace for tax credits. In my experience, employers will not hire anyone they are aware has a disability and I’ve always secured work by hiding it. Maybe that works with voluntarily listing your race, but definitely not your disability. I said maybe after i’m hired i’ll tell them i have tourette’s because it would actually be beneficial for me since it gets worse when i’m nervous (people have assumed i’m on drugs because of twitching). She said no that’s too weird. Lmao

[nowayatm]

Trying to transition my thought process from “why would that person say this about me” to “what a weird person to talk badly about someone without knowing them” because the former has no answer that will help me

[nowayatm]

It hurts so much that other people can believe in love

[nowayatm]

Unfortunately i still have depression

[nowayatm]

Literally what did olivia laing say about loneliness leading to more loneliness. Loneliness being so repulsive that people sense it from you and stay away. Crazy crazy

[nowayatm]

I don’t feel like a person that exists because the person i am inside doesn’t exist yet. The person i am on the outside is no one

[nowayatm]

My life is definitely being shortened by the intense sadness and stress i feel every day. This is so unfair

[nowayatm]

I wish my head could grow really big so i could envelop another persons head in my mouth and pop it like a big, juicy grape

[nowayatm]

It’s so weird to experience people harassing/bullying/discriminating against me because they are threatened by how i look because i don’t see myself that way. I’ve always hated my body and thought i look weird. My mom would always say my face was weird and i look like a monkey and i have a lazy eye so i always felt ugly. I would intentionally gain weight when she told me to watch what i eat because fuck her. But people started treating me even more like a freak and a stain on the ground so i lost a lot. Women started treating me more viciously, like they were completely trying to tear me down and edge me out of their space completely. Men wanted to become closer to me, and i quickly learned they only wanted my sexual attention. For this reason, every new situation has the potential to become hostile very quickly. I already don’t have the best social skills, but this maliciousness follows me everywhere. I always try to be nice and say good things about everyone, but everyone assumes my words have double meanings or something. People assume because i look a certain way that i’ve had everything handed to me and have the perfect life and that they are the first ones to ever “tell me like it is” or “tell me what i need to hear”. Like my immaturity is from being spoiled and catered to instead of having a disability

[nowayatm]

Lol society’s ills don’t affect me when i’m alone!

[nowayatm]

Shame is too integrated into our society. People love watching others be humiliated and exposed i really don’t understand why this fucking place is so cruel

[nowayatm]

I just want to be alone and i don’t want to see or talk to anyone ever again

[nowayatm]

When i’m like this my mind just goes blank. I can’t feel anything lol