obayozo

[obayozo]

Being Schizoid and trying to improve my life, I try to socialize, but I end up rejected and ostracized anyway. Other people can tell there's something wrong with me even if they don't know what it is.

It's like I have miasma around me. Like I am cursed.

#0.txt #I get ignored like I am not even there. #Of course I feel like a ghostly onlooker and not a living person. I am and always was treated as such. #szpd

[obayozo]

Who up and Schizoid and full of rage

#0.txt #szpd

[obayozo]

Schizoid culture is loathing the phrase "I don't have any friends" and anyone who says it, because you know they are lying and actually do have friends meanwhile when I say it I mean it because I literally do not have even one friend and the only person I talk to is my mother.

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[obayozo]

schizoid culture is being obsessed with a fictional character to the point you fall in love with them but only because they don't know you exist so you can love them from a distance without getting emotionally involved with another person

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#0.reblogs #Yes.

[obayozo]

new worldview where i think everyone else has free will and a rich, complex interior life while i am the only person who does not

#schizoid personality disorder 👍 #0.reblogs

[obayozo]

schizoid culture is forever waiting for things to get better

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#“it gets better” aaaaaany day now :) #0.reblogs

[obayozo]

Portrait of Madame Dupin (Detail), 1947 - Leonora Carrington

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[obayozo]

Schizoid culture is going "is this it?" for all your life

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#0.reblogs #Tattooing this to my forehead

[obayozo]

Not to be schizoid on main but 🫥

#real as hell #😐👍 #0.reblogs

[obayozo]

you’ve heard of zoning out now get ready for zoiding out (i stopped caring about whatever we were doing an hour ago)

#0.reblogs #me when I'm doing something and realize this is not fun to me at all and I do not care about it in the slightest

[obayozo]

Hello all, this is less of me asking for advice and more of me asking what others in the community do.

When you feel overwhelmed by social stimuli, what do you do? Do you retreat? What does that retreat look like to you?

#0.reblogs #if I can't leave the situation: dissociate and freeze #freeze means I just get stuck in whatever position I'm in and don't move. kind of like catatonia #if I can leave then public bathroom stalls are often my go to retreat #but yeah. I leave. if it sucks hit da bricks or whatever

[obayozo]

Question for schizoids

You see other pds sometimes describe their true selves as a small child, sometimes visibly abused in some way, and the facade/mechanisms they build up serves the purpose of protecting the child from harm.

How do you envision your "true self"? What does it look like? Is it even there at all?

For me, it's not humanoid at all, it's this kind of shapeless, faint mist that just exists in the void of my headspace. The body is a seperate entity obviously. Sometimes I feel like the mist-self trapped behind a wall or barrier that can't be breached. Intrusion feels like somebody reaching into the mist and trying to manipulate it, or forcing it to conform to a certain shape. I lose my sense of self altogether at certain forms of intrusion, or when I'm really stressed in general

#My “true self” is some sort of meta consciousness with no form. As soon as I try to picture it a sense of detachment sets in. #0.reblogs

[obayozo]

I want to make friends

-Ten minutes of socialization later-

I want to kill my friends

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[obayozo]

Man they didn’t lie this schizoid really is a dilemma

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[obayozo]

Everything is boring and dreadful and a chore. I wish I was capable of feeling passion for something or even interest beyond a conceptual level. And it's going to be like this forever. "Oh but it gets better", it's been so many fucking years, when? When does it get better?

Don't patronize me.

#0.txt #szpd #me when the mental disorder that makes life uninteresting makes life uninteresting

[obayozo]

Untitled, acrylic on canvas by AdamRichesArtist

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[obayozo]

With major changes and responsibilities coming up in my life, I feel trapped again. I spent two whole years in treatment and feel like I'm still at the bottom. No progress has been made. I'm stuck between the gears of a machine, and it's crushing me.

#0.txt #szpd