obsidianbetta

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Dog toy plushies have fundamentally different souls than that of regular plushies. Unlike regular plushies, which are content with just existing (and just go to regular heaven when they get destroyed and don’t mind being resurrected), dog toys seek Valhalla. This is why you don’t need to feel bad when your dog/cat/especially strong bird rips it to shreds, because this was the warriors death they were seeking all their life

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The army really asked "Hey, what do you think would fit the aesthetic of employing vulnerable teenagers to risk their lives over a nefarious goal they don't even know, I'm asking because we want to set up a recruiting event at the Anime Con".

Then some PR lackey was like, "you won't believe it I know the exact show"

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unfortunately dnd podcasts have already peaked, specifically in 2015 when griffin mcelroy named an npc “garfield the deals warlock” but forgot to describe how he looked in the slightest so the entire collective fandom decided it was just straight up garfield the orange cat

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god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything

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Hmmm...

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Most horrifying tweet I've seen all day

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my favorite work memory from this store will always be “hey remember when the subway inside the store closed down and they let me take a bunch of their shit for free and now it lives inside my house?”

my life is a joke

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in junior year of highschool my art teacher would let our ceramics class play music of our choice off of her desktop. we usually used spotify or youtube but she did have one album downloaded on her computer. it was a halloween sound effects/ambience collection. i dont remember why she had it. there was a track on there called "burning screams" which was exactly what it sounds like. just a cacophony of screams alongside crackling fire. she only let us play it on very special occasions, and we would cheer and jump with joy every time. it was like a pizza party to us

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we justifiably give Biden a lot of shit but I think "at least 3" is the funniest possible response to some right wing dipshit asking you how many genders there are

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Tumblr staff: ten options is enough for polls, right? No one needs more than that on a regular basis. The average tumblr user: Hey guys which element of the periodic table do you think is the most fuckable?

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there’s a war between Sucking and Fucking

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