ohlooh

[ohlooh]

Red Hood: why would anyone want to work for me?

Meanwhile: Red Hood provides health insurance, dental, A goon support group (a goon-union), HR team to help goons get an actual job and slowly get out of life in crime, scholarships for vocational training etc. Plus he's a great guy who has adopted the crime alley kids mentally.

All red hood goons : boss is the best. He's a bit murdery but he's chill as long as we obey the rules. ("Shoo go away Batman our boss is good to us")

[ohlooh]

[ohlooh]

OKAY series of polls about sock preferences because i'm a curious autistic fuck:

(if you don't wear socks don't answer any of the other questions)

[ohlooh]

[ohlooh]

a meme post @bothoutsiders made me draw (source)

#jaytim

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I saw a post about teachers giving their students shit for accidentally yawning in class and so I just

[ohlooh]

Damian: Drake, why on earth are you still here? Your worthlessness is distracting me from my work.

Tim, running on 7 coffees, 4 energy drinks, and a butt load of spite: If you insult me one more time, I will accept Ra's' advances just so you have to call me Grandfather too, you little shit.

Damian:

Tim:

Damian: Understandable, have a nice day-

[ohlooh]

Batman: Urban Legends #15 - “Bound to Our Will V” (2022)

written by Vita Ayala art by Nikola Cizmesija & Nick Filardi

[ohlooh]

[ohlooh]

you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy

[ohlooh]

Law abiding citizen....?

Okay I finally have a non-adoptee Batfam & Danny dynamic in mind that I actually liek :∆

Basically ultimate enemy compliant but the timeline wasn't changed so everyone he knows is still dead and Danny decides to actually take his monarch duties seriously and occasionally live in the realms because of it. I'm not talking about him doing a 180° on his personality btw but instead Danny who is still laid back, casual, fun, and likes to joke taking care of the realm one at a time; slowly. Bit by bit building up his knowledge to not only protect the realm, but also the humans.

By 20 he moves to Gotham with (unironically) allowance from CW (that probably came from his current net worth) and all is great. He can freely do his job in his home and isn't constantly bothered by the observants so he's basically slacking off and then on cue; rogue attacks.

And he's suuuuuper chill about them too. Like at some point they all collectively blacklisted him from whatever bullshit they're gonna conjure up because of his out going personality. And he's the same with cops. He's basically the same with everyone.

But he's a neutralist.

He won't and will snitch one side to the other, uncaring of either side going after him. If he's amused then, meh.

Enter: joker. He does not like joker. At fucking all. The only person in Gotham he's actively aggressive with.

Cue: Him almost killing joker.

He doesn't remember what happened, exactly. Something about a joker terrorist attack and how he was oh so fortunate to be chosen as the main hostage. The dogshit attempt of a speech the clown let out to.... presumed audience (?) Behind the camera and the sound of a crowbar dragging the concrete (?) Floor. Something about a bird, before getting hit by said crowbar, and the fact that despite all this he has to pretend like a citizen.

And then, more rambling about batman's Robin.

....

The chair just had an oh so convenient blade behind it.

He's pretty sure the clown is dead, based on the carnage he made with his own two hands. Yet he couldn't stop beating and hitting him even as the sound and picture of the Joker ever change to more and more disgusting. Only after someone tackle him to the ground does he stop.

He blinks and look at the vigilante(s) holding him down and contorts his face to his default face, full of smiles even as the Joker's blood splattered on to his cheeks.

#dpxdc #dp x dc

[ohlooh]

Obligatory lost found family AU

Where Danny's biological family were Ra's servants, in which they were poison makers/expert chemists and Danny in particular thrived on ectoplasmic research and was known to make incurable poisons despite his young age. His research consists of purifying Lazarus waters, in which played a key role in Ra's sanity and health. Safe to say the demon's head had favored him.

Damian thought Danny as like- a brother figure he never got. Funny enough, Jason still remembers the faint memory of a child slightly younger than Damian whom often stayed by his side; which he at first thought as pit madness side affect because Damian wasn't allowed to have distractions.

Anyways, all of this coming in on idk mid month? I haven't decided on an actual date. I'm trying to write 3 chapters before releasing it. I feel like I would drop it if I write-post so I'll just write one-post one

[ohlooh]

A woman went viral for being turned down for a next interview for a role, she asks the recruiter what she did wrong, the recruiter tells her they were “concerned about her lack of effort in her appearance.”

She explains she wore a freshly ironed blazer with a collared top. Her nails were painted a professional beige. She got a blowout for her hair, so a professional style. She had on subdued gold earrings.

The only thing she wasn’t wearing was makeup; she states she really doesn’t wear makeup, and only had chapstick on, as her skin is sensitive. Her lawyer mother has already explained she has no legal case against the company for any type of gender-based discrimination.

Just in case anyone wants to ask why feminists still refer to the “pink tax” or rail against more and more elaborate makeup trends being pushed on girls and women.

Women being punished socially for not wearing makeup is still a feminist issue.

[ohlooh]

Fuck It. JLA? Lost in THE Mall.

Which mall, you may be asking? THE Mall. The penultimate mall. The one that exsists in the Zone. It's literally it's name. It's literally, and exactly, three shops longer then currently needed. Always. Doesn't MATTER how big that is. Always Infinte plus 3.

THE Mall is an MC Escher painting brought to life.

You walk for weeks and not once do the shops repeate, yet all are the same. It is exactly what you THINK it should look like. Indoor mall? Outdoor market? Martian Bizarre?

Maybe!

Welcome to The Mall. You are Here -> X.

The League is just lucky some of the shops use bartering. That they have magic users to guide them. They... they are running low on supplies.

They're surrounded by people. Endless capitalism and consumption, even in death. Yet? They can not see what passes for sky, here. Can not escape. Are trapped.

All they can do is walk.

They pass another sale. New burgers at the food court! Says a sign. Try the latest trend. Cooes an add.

This is a hopeless place.

Buuuut, not for DANNY! Danny has them Pariah's Keep stacks! And Christmas shopping to get too! Wooooo! Also maybe his college dorm! It's a mall! He's keeping his options open! Him and Dani are doing a "Template n Me" sorta daddy&daughter bonding trip!

Let's get matching jackets!

And-! .....wait... fuck are those HUMANS :O

@hdgnj @hypewinter @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter @lolottes @babbling-babull

#dpxdc #dp x dc

[ohlooh]

Kill on Sight Orders

The Flash fam has a secret. Okay so they have a lot of secrets, but there's one above all others.

A kill on sight order.

In the worst possible future (one of them there's a lot), a beast named Phantom decimated the world. He took out the entire Justice League, the entire Justice League Dark, any and all small-time heroes that stood in his way. All of it. Everyone.

If they see Phantom as a kid, to prevent the slightest possible chance of Phantom being a thing, it's kill on sight. They all have anti-ghost weapons that can destroy a ghost's core, locked away in a secure facility that they can just run to and grab real quick to get it done.

None of them like it. None of them can risk it.

Bart stumbles into a town that doesn't exist, almost gets got by a ghost that managed to possess him, and gets saved by...Phantom.

A scrawny, teenage Phantom.

He's funny, makes puns, worries about if Bart got hurt or not-he's nothing like the Bad Phantom!

He's not gonna kill his new friend! No way, no how.

But he's gotta keep it a secret from the other Speedsters now, because he doesn't know who came up with that rule but they probably won't understand, and then he'll have a speedster fight on his hands, and no one wants that.

But the government keeps sending letters of complaint to Max, and Max keeps asking why the government is mad at Bart now, and Bart can't tell him "oh it's because there's this town that is off the record and a secret and also where phantom is and i broke in" because that'd rat Phantom out, and even if he didn't mention Phantom Max would want to investigate.

The mailman doesn't understand why his letters keep disappearing but he thinks it might have something to do with the Flash, because there's always a red blur.

#dpxdc #dp x dc

[ohlooh]

“The what?”

Danny and Duke had been having a pretty okay day. Duke got a ridiculous packet to complete from his professor, and Danny tripped down the stairs in the library, causing a ruckus that got everyone’s attention.

So yea, everything was going well until they decided to push their luck and go to a new coffee shop a bit further away. It wasn’t the coffee shop itself, but the goons that came out of nowhere to kidnap Tim Drake-Wayne who was getting an order to go, which turned into a gang fight in the middle of the street.

Danny and Duke, along with Tim, ended up sheltered behind a car and missed the opportunity to bunker down inside the shop.

“Well, this isn’t what I planned today,” Tim comments.

“Same,” Danny agrees.

“Maybe we can wait it out?” Duke suggests.

The other two give a look that says that it was not going to happen.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors for peeking,” Danny says, already holding out his fist.

“Bet.”

They look at Duke.

Peer Pressure works and he groans with clear discomfort at the situation.

Duke loses. A bullet whizzes past his head.

“Nope! Nope. Not doing that again.”

Tim rolls his eyes at the dramatics, but with Danny still there he bit his tongue.

“What’d you see?”

Duke looks at Tim like he’s crazy.

“Lots of people with guns,” he answers hysterically.

“Need a hand?”

Red Hood had swung down from the nearest rooftop, hand gun in both hands. He pops off three shots before having to duck behind the car with them.

“Hood, what are you doing here? This isn’t Crime Alley,” Tim asks like they bumped into each other at the supermarket.

Hood shrugs, “Close enough.”

“Oh sweet, can I borrow that?” Danny randomly asks.

Before anyone can question what he was talking about he was already reaching out to take the handgun off of Hood’s thigh.

“Whoa-“

Danny turns to look over the car’s hood and pulls the trigger. Nothing happens.

The others pull him back quickly. He winces at the hard fall to his tailbone.

“Holy crap! Danny!”

“Dude, are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“What is wrong with you?”

“Hey!” Danny interrupts their freak out. “It’s not my fault his gun is broke.”

“The safety is still on, idiot,” Hood tilts his head.

“The what?” Danny asks in genuine confusion.

The three brothers all pause and look at him.

“The safety? On the gun? So there isn’t a misfire?” Tim explains. He was stuck between shocked and judgmental.

“This is why people who don’t know how to shoot shouldn’t touch guns,” Hood says in frustration while reaching to take it away.

Danny pulls it back out of reach.

“I know how to shoot, thanks. My parent’s weapons just don’t have safety things. I’m not used to it,” he grumbles.

“What do you-“

But Danny was already finding the safety and flicking it off before trying again. This time he hits two goons, one in the shoulder and another in the leg.

The batboys glance at each other.

“So,” Hood tries to be casual, “what do your parents do?”

“They’re scientists,” Danny answers, mainly focused on shooting another person dressed in a mask, “but they make their own weapons.”

“Are they by any chance mad scientists? Or borderline rogues?” Duke asks as half a joke.

“Of course not,” Danny answers. Then he pauses to actually think about it. “I don’t think so.”

“Cool. That’s fine.”

**

After that Danny had a few more ‘meet and greet’s with the local vigilantes and saw some lingering shadows around their apartment. They had the weirdest questions about his family.

#dpxdc #dp x dc

[ohlooh]

Danny judges the Family Business

Danny: How many kids do you have? How many vigilantes are in Gotham right now?

Batman: ... you know how many.

Danny: Seriously, your grandson too? Couldn't stick to just yourself?

Flash: Can we not?

Danny: ... I mean I sorta understand the clone thing makes it murky water, but COME ON!

Superman: *sweating*

And finally, finally, they have enough of the lectures. They know Danny's identity, they know of his parents, his sister. So they ask.

Batman: Would you not tell your parents if you needed help.

Danny: I chose not to tell my parents! My dad has his own section on the news if he's out driving, I don't want them on my team!

JL: .. What?

Danny: I mean, yeah, they'd be helpful on the government research side of things, but... You guys obviously looked into this, they can't aim for shit most of the time! They cause more property damage than any of the ghosts do in the longterm. My dad would probably shout out my name each time he saw me on patrol. Besides, they've calmed down the whoke vivisection thing, they're more like... safari people now. If the ghosts aren't actively attacking, they watch and make notes to study behavior.

Wonderwoman: And your sister? She helped you did she not?

Danny: Yeah, when I was 14 and freshly dead? Believe me, the moment she had an out we both took it. She's studying out in California now, and she's only stepping in for emergencies. Like, end of the dimension emergencies, not 'Oh I've been stabbed again' emergencies.

-----

I find the idea that Danny lectures the JL about the younger heroes and like, making sure they aren't prioritizing hero work out of duty really funny. This undead boy took up his own duty when the only other option was his parents and their inventions (one of which actually killed him by opening a door to another dimension) and felt obliged to deal with the ghosts for both the living and the dead's sakes. He opened the portal, he'll clean up the mess while keeping everyone safe. Sam and Tucker got to help, but once he got control of his powers (maybe once he gets the crown and authority in a Ghost King setting), he's offered them outs as well. They take them slightly. They step in for the heavy hitters, but generally Phantom flies solo; besides JL business. Maybe Dani joins in, but she's her own free spirit so it's not like she sticks around long.

Danny wants to know that all these younger heroes are there because they wanna be, not sacrificing a normal life because of feeling pressured or needing to live up to the expectations of their guardians/mentors.

And I know the JL care about these kids, Danny just ain't sure (He can glance at the BatClan and just smell the death and drama) - and he wants to be. These kids better have a healthy work-life balance, so help him Ancients.

#dpxdc #dp x dc