the loneliness and sadness that creeps into you in a way that only growing up queer can cause. your parents can accept you and still make you feel like an outsider. your parents can love you and still reject parts of you. that old-fashioned kind of love where they think trying to mold you, make you tough, is better for you. or that quiet status quo where you just don't talk. and where everyone is accepted, though some are more than others. generations and generations it's just been easier to let it slide. to let it be. not cause a fuss. but then we sit there with a knot in our chests all our lives wondering how it got there
happy valentine’s day just watched all of us strangers. anyone else here understand grief is love persevering. and love has the power to conjure ghosts, to shape them and give them form and meaning. and happily ever after doesn’t mean forever. it just means time. a little time
(how can any parent want that for her child) and (if I'm lonely it's not because I'm gay) and (if you could hear me crying why didn't you come into my room) and (how come no one found me) how come no one found me?
"I'd always felt lonely, even before. This was a new feeling, like.. a terror, that I'd always be alone now. And then, as I got older, that feeling just solidified. Just a knot, here, all the time. And then losing them, it just got tangled up with all the other stuff about being gay, and just feeling like the future doesn't matter. Does that make sense?"
Knowing how Hades is in the show now it’ll be really funny to see him and Nico interact bc Nico will be all Dark and Depressed in the underworld and Hades will just be like “son… please… you’re killing the vibe”
just a string of thoughts but james being raised as a steward to be Good and to be a Protector and to Defend and Remember and then the world throws him for a loop and for years he finds himself on the "bad side" and he's not even entirely on their side he's lying to everyone he knows in order to find the collar and prevent it from being put around his neck, fully on his own side and no one else's because no one else is on his side. in a way he's more of a betrayer than he was in his past life. betraying the light then betraying the dark then betraying the light then betraying the dark again. and then will comes and he gives him a choice, and james chooses to be good because that's all he wanted to be. but is he good? what good is he? it's too late to be a good steward. he can be a good mage? he can be a good weapon. a valuable asset. a useful Thing. he can never be a good person not good not a person. but then will says you're a protector. it's who you are. you're good and a person. and james even believes it for a few moments. and he's collared and he's an object again. and he might be bad morally but he's so loyal. so efficient. a good thing. and he betrays the light again. he makes me crazy
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