only-god-canstopme

[only-god-canstopme]

I am not the asshole, and I think this whole thing is stupid, but I was promised that if I sent my side of things to this blog I could pick the hotel for our honeymoon, and I am marrying a man who once tried to take me BACKPACKING of all things, so this ask has become a necessity. In light of that:

AITA (I'm NOT) for planning the seating for our wedding in a logical way?

I got engaged in June, apparently in part because of my partner writing in to this blog (I don't know how to find or link to his posts, but I'm the man who got the cat to bite him, if that rings any bells?). At any rate, for the past ten weeks, I've been in the beginning stages of planning our wedding with my fiance, whom I have been secretly attempting to remove from the planning process as much as possible. I have ALREADY been given a list of his must-haves, and I AM incorporating as many of them as our budget allows. This has NOTHING to do with the emotional side of the event, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that this is an idiot with no real planning experience or taste who thinks he knows more than me.

For the most part, this has worked very well. I'm the one who's been collating all the contact information for things, so I just replaced all the emails for the tacky companies with false addresses, responded to his inquiries as the companies to say the date was already booked or the price was outside our budget, and let him filter his way to the ones I DO like on his own. I also made a fuss about being "willing to compromise" on the few things he's picked I'm completely fine with in the hopes I can use it to make him compromise later, and have been humming portions of the songs I want on the playlist in the hopes he'll think he came up with the idea to include them himself.

None of this is the real problem. The PROBLEM is that he is deliberately ruining my seating chart, by moving our horrible friend's seat when I'm not looking.

The man in question dated both of us at one point in our VERY early 20s (both ended BADLY), is generally the messiest person we know, and will almost certainly get sloppy drunk and try to make a speech IF he does make an appearance. I'm banking on the fact that he won't, because he's also ridiculously wealthy, and will almost certainly send us some very lavish gift in lieu of coming.

He is SUPPOSED to be sitting beside my fiances aunt, at the same table as his grandmother, his work friend, and her girlfriend, because all four of these women are stone cold terrors who I believe are more than capable of keeping him in line on the slim chance he does come. My fiance INSISTS they won't be able to have any fun if they're running interference all night, and keeps moving him to sit at the head table instead. You know, where WE are. I finally caught him switching the label magnets on my planning board last night, and confronted him.

I tried leveraging how much I've been compromising already, that he's almost certainly going to RSVP no, and that I shouldn't have to deal with him on our big night. My fiance said he knew about all the fake emailing and such, and told me, and I QUOTE: "Look, the mind game shit was hot when it was just about the colour scheme or whatever, but I actually care about this. So you can suffer with everybody else, or you can do the normal thing and not invite a guy you hate to our wedding, you weirdo."

I said that if I did that, it would take out half his groomsmen, he called me an asshole and said I should go explain this to "literally any rational adult" so they could tell me I was in the wrong, and now here we are.

Would you recommend calling my fiance's bluff, since he doesn't want the man sitting near us either? Or should I focus on ensuring he'll turn down the invitation no matter what, so the matter of where he WON'T be sitting can be a moot point?

What are these acronyms?

Original post

The update

#somehow.. somehow i feel this is andreil #there’s something about it

[only-god-canstopme]

#NEILS EYYYEEESS

[only-god-canstopme]

The thing about Andrew and Kevin is Andrew believes that Kevin can't really be this spineless, and Kevin believes Andrew can't really be this apathetic, and they both resolve to poke each other with a pointy stick until they're proven correct. And then Neil shows up and instead of going hey maybe poking each other with sticks isn't getting anywhere he says oh look it's stick time and starts poking them both even harder. And then it works.

[only-god-canstopme]

let your imagery be a little violent let your imagery be a little weird let your imagery be a little sexual and by god let it be sacrilegious. at this point if someone looks at it weird im just going to assume theyve got the art-consuming palette of a four year old. stop making artistic chicken nuggets when you could be cooking an actual meal just because some people cant handle the flavor doesnt mean it shouldnt exist. damn

[only-god-canstopme]

The thing about Andrew and Kevin is Andrew believes that Kevin can't really be this spineless, and Kevin believes Andrew can't really be this apathetic, and they both resolve to poke each other with a pointy stick until they're proven correct. And then Neil shows up and instead of going hey maybe poking each other with sticks isn't getting anywhere he says oh look it's stick time and starts poking them both even harder. And then it works.

#he says u guys are being pussies abt it HURRY UP

[only-god-canstopme]

funniest thing a band called franz ferdinand could do is have their most popular song be titled take me out and by god they did that

[only-god-canstopme]

i want the camping for concerts culture to die a painful death.

[only-god-canstopme]

Looking through your Ao3 bookmarks and seeing that little “This has been deleted, sorry!” is like finding a gravestone, but the writing’s too worn down to read what it was standing for anymore.

What were you, Bookmark #336… What stories did you tell? Which words were it that once left a mark on my soul?  *touches my laptop screen like it’s text from an ancient ruin*

Cowabummer. 

[only-god-canstopme]

1989 (Taylor's Version) / From the Vault

[only-god-canstopme]

Do you think we’d like each other in other universes too?

[only-god-canstopme]

What’s a stereotypical food from ur culture that u absolutely love.

#black pudding fr fr frrrrr #my hungover days saved by a black pudding roll exceed number <3

[only-god-canstopme]

One night, Aaron FaceTimes Andrew, and he is sobbing, but before Andrew can ask what’s wrong or even panic, Aaron flips the screen to show the twins and asks them who is who. They say their names, and then Aaron says no, and they just giggle and tell him not to be silly; they know their names, and Aaron’s like, clearly not, and then asks again, and they switch names. Aaron flips the camera back around, telling Andrew they’ve been doing it for hours, and he can’t tell them apart anymore. When Andrew asks where Katelyn is because she has never once mixed the twins up in their three years of life, Aaron flips the screen again, and Katelyn is laughing so hard on the other side of the couch that she's not even making noise anymore. Neil literally almost pees his pants because he’s laughing so hard, as well, and Andrew, after telling Aaron who’s who because Andrew has even the most minuscule difference memorized, he tells the twins to keep up the good work and then hangs up.

#the fact that aaron and andrew didint get a chance to know each other as children #i want to cry

[only-god-canstopme]

lonely people are like nooooo i love the silence i love being by myself and then you ask them how their day has been and they tear up a bit

[only-god-canstopme]

unrecommend me a book. pop into my ask box and tell me which books i shouldn't read and why i shouldn't read them

#MY YEAR OF REST AND RELAXATION. IT SUCKED.

[only-god-canstopme]

i want to be flirted with!!! i want to be desired!!! i want to be lusted after!!!

[only-god-canstopme]

This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8

[only-god-canstopme]

Happy birthday @snazzy-jas-z-is-a-fan-of

I hope your day is filled with happiness and good food