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im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to 

spiderman dances to the beat

no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour

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pizza in the front, yogurt in the back. now that’s what I call a mullet

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Every post on reddit is like “my wife left me, so i spent 100000 on a new man cave” and there’s always a storm trooper of some kind in the room. Ive seen this happen so often on reddit that now i associate storm troopers and the entire star wars universe with divorce.

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podcast character body pillow

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Two idiots decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic. 

"What's Logic?" the first idiot asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example."

"Do you own a weedeater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!"

The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, "Amazin!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The idoit is obviously catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I can't wait to take that logic class!!"

The idiot, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asks the friend.

"Math, History, and Logic!" he replies.

"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?" he asked.

"No," his friend replied.

"Gay."

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@nathanwpyle

I literally love this.

I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.

No joke.

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One time my rabbi told us, “imagine you had a box with a little bit of god in it. What would you do with the box?”

So we were like ?? “We’d protect it and keep it nice and clean and polished” and he was like “your body’s that box. Stop eating markers”

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people who try dickwaving about whatever martial art to be some badass and show how they can win in a fight. sure you can make people do flips and break arms or whatever, but pro tip: you can beat any unarmed martial art by running away and throwing rocks at them. just throw a lot of rocks and it beats every martial art. MMA doesnt want you to know this. just run fast and throw rocks

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You’re never too old to collect figures.

You’re never too old to be in a fandom.

You’re never too old to play video games.

You’re never too old to listen to music.

You’re never too old to enjoy things.

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Evidence against the argument that Superman's disguise wouldn't fool anyone:

Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton look alike contest to a fucking drag queen.

Charlie Chaplin once failed to even place at a Charlie Chaplin impersonator contest.

Hugh Jackman went to comic con as Wolverine, only 2 people noticed him and one told him he was too tall.

Christopher Reeve use to go to a restaurant in costume when filming Superman. When he went in the Superman costume he was mobbed by people all the time. When he went in the Clark Kent costume no one realized he was Christopher Reeve.

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If gender is a spectrum, then how are there non-binaries that aren't just some combination of male and female? Hm?

less "light spectrum" more "soil spectrum"

multidimensional

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guys give me your most controversial opinion!!! :D

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there are actually six types of conflict. english teachers often forget about man vs. plastic wrap

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it’s been a while. is witchcraft still banned

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