otpofotps

[otpofotps]

純粋なオタクでよろしい🙂‍↕️

アンビに対しての気持ちとモチベだけは変わってない、でもアンビ一本には絞れない、だって晶哉が視野にいる限り絶対晶哉なんだもん。でも晶哉とAが今一番辛い。どっちがマシなのが選び難い

[otpofotps]

oh.

いつ見ても1人足りない人がいるんだよ。欠けてるんだよ。いないのに存在の穴だけ置いていった。

[otpofotps]

i mean what did i mean by this tho

the problem is taisei is just a preview of how ill feel about future sexy zone too like i just cant commit to 3nin sexy zone its impossible because the current ae is also so hard for me

[otpofotps]

idk what happened in february that i was feeling this way 😂😂

im exhausted i guess my stan energy is only for ae and ambi now

[otpofotps]

i dont even know if i stan anymore to be honest im really done with them but ill take the opportunity for closure if its there

[otpofotps]

エモいとかじゃないくてそれ以前に原型がないんだよ

[otpofotps]

sou fuma and shori like….muri desukedo

[otpofotps]

sou is still my je personality pick but i just

[otpofotps]

i really have to be real to myself and acknowledge that sexy zone is not for me anymore and this is a really good timing to give myself closure and move on

[otpofotps]

im exhausted i guess my stan energy is only for ae and ambi now

[otpofotps]

i cannot believe riku is gonna be the only idol to give me low key stan trauma TWICE lol

[otpofotps]

i mean sorry but thank god i really think it was for the best he left 😭

[otpofotps]

and the fact that he is just some dumb person now like how radpily one falls but also like damn can you imagine if he was still there with them

[otpofotps]

honestly im still apalled at riku like i get that hes like any basic dumb college age student who thinks being edgy and drinking and smoking and posting about it and being ~ real ~ is cool but he was an idol for 12 years i mean did you learn nothing about professionalism there or what

[otpofotps]

it took me half a year to really let go of riku and thats with a lot of his unintentional assistance with his actions 😂 but i really love the freedom now

[otpofotps]

sometimes im frustrated with myself that i find it hard to watch ae anymore or i dont feel much better about them, that i havent progressed at all, im still sad and dont know about their future, but when you step back its really only been a month, honestly thats not really even a lot of time to have passed and get over something that was really core to you for 2.5 years like its natural to feel devastated and theres no point to rush it

[otpofotps]

not in a mad way…im free from anything i was holding onto from riku and that really came from the fc vid and him leaving, i’m relieved to have one less source of fandom angst