oursecretlittlelives

[oursecretlittlelives]

[oursecretlittlelives]

My girlfriend is turning 32 soon… 

I’ve told her not to get her hopes up. “After all,” I say, “we’re only going to celebrate it for half a minute” when she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out “This is your thirty-second birthday”

[oursecretlittlelives]

[oursecretlittlelives]

[oursecretlittlelives]

[oursecretlittlelives]

it really is insane how waking up early will grant you access to some of the most beautiful sights and sensations in the world that will make you want to live forever, but only if you overcome the gauntlet of a thousand razors that is getting out of bed early. truly one of life's little saw traps.

[oursecretlittlelives]

A master at his craft...

[oursecretlittlelives]

i’m not lying on the floor physically but i am lying on the floor spiritually

[oursecretlittlelives]

My boyfriend prefers his mattresses firm, and I need a soft mattress. He prefers his food temperate while I like my food hot and spicy. This is another good reason to not have a kid, because even if the kid averages out and prefers everything in the middle, there's the risk of some blonde bitch breaking into our house to rummage through our stuff.

[oursecretlittlelives]

Heres the thing you gotta understand about statistics. 

“Increases your chances by 80%” does not mean “there is now an 80% chance”. 

If your chances were previously 10%, your chances are now 18%, not 90%. 

if your chances were roughly 1%, they’re now just slightly less than 2%. 

thats how that works. 

[oursecretlittlelives]

i do not ghost purposely i just have no idea what to say ever

[oursecretlittlelives]

When your lady on her period.

[oursecretlittlelives]

[oursecretlittlelives]

I love this.

[oursecretlittlelives]

Why don't they make stained glass fish tanks? Give those fish Catholic guilt

[oursecretlittlelives]

[oursecretlittlelives]

# i'm not angry i'm just disappointed