painandlovebleedintoone

[painandlovebleedintoone]

This morning was good. We went on a hike/walk for about 30 minutes and talked. I came back and had breakfast, realizing I’m starting to get tired of bread. I switched to having some scrambled eggs instead, mixed with some cheese and butter. Tasted good. I know today I would like to go on an evening walk, use my Peloton, and do dynamic and static stretching. We will also watch an episode of Rings of Power. I will need to go to Safeway to get a few groceries. As far as cleaning goes, I would like to clean up the fridge, clean the kitchen, and tidy the room.

[painandlovebleedintoone]

Day 1 No Sugar: It is the evening of day one with no sugar. It is also day one with no coffee since the coffee accompanies the sugar in the morning. I noticed I felt a lot lower energy today, did not want to engage with my coworkers, and was somewhat agitated by overhearing their conversations. I did not feel any major cravings. Had a few, but nothing out of the norm. I don’t really miss the coffee or sugar at this point. 

[painandlovebleedintoone]

In order to enjoy my day relaxing, but also still feel productive, I’m going to make a list of what I want to accomplish without overdoing it.

Clean out CRV

Lay down tarp

make piles of garbage go to the dumps

Put thrift store stuff in the car

finish laundry

finish swapping clothing

empty dishwasher

Shower/wash hair

Groceries for the week

Peloton

Budget plan with joey

[painandlovebleedintoone]

It’s time to start paying more attention to my consumer habits again. I was doing good earlier this year when we were following a budget and recording our spending but have lost track of it when we stopped for a break. Recording everything we spent was difficult. It took a lot of time. It made it harder because at the time our schedules were so different it was rare, we would get time off together and the little time that we did, we did not want to spend it budgeting. Recording everything though, helped me stay accountable. When you have to sit down with someone else and write down what you spent on items/services, you really start to reflect on your purchases. You become much more mindful in the purchasing process, and you feel good when you pass things up just to see your savings grow or to be able to pay off items such as cars, leading to more financial freedom. It also allowed me to finally create a summer capsule wardrobe in which i was able to spend money on quality pieces that I loved rather than cheap items that I didn’t care for as much. If I can really pull things in for the rest of September and October. I think in early November, I would be able to do the same. 

[painandlovebleedintoone]

I’ve strayed away a bit from mindfulness. I like to be mindful in everything I do. I think that start of this was not doing what is best for my schedule. I began carpooling four days a week with a coworker/friend. I already commute at least 2 hours a day for work and carpooling was adding at least 40 minutes of that drive. I kept doing it because I was afraid to say no to my friend and yes to myself. This led to not having enough time to do things that were important to my health and well-being. I stopped making my lunches as often and had less time to sleep, and less time to get ready. It got even worse when she asked if I wanted to start attending the gym before or after work about two times a week. This added more time spent packing and unpacking a gym back, more laundry due to having stinky gym clothes and towel in my bag and messed up my sleeping schedule. It also took away from me going on my solo walks in my neighborhood, which is settled in a national forest in the mountains. Instead of that, I was spending that time cooped up in a building in the city with a large crowd of people trying to get in a quick workout after their busy and crappy day at work. Once I finally started saying no to some of these things, I found my health and well-being to gradually tip in my direction. I informed her I could no longer carpool four times a week and instead we now do once or twice a week. I stopped saying yes to the gym, although I haven't officially said no because I’m still paying $20 for the buddy pass. I need to inform her I no longer want to attend the gym at all and have the buddy pass canceled.  

[painandlovebleedintoone]

I feel content with this weekend. Stayed away from most technology. On Friday, Joey and I woke up and had a slow morning. I drank some coffee while lying in bed. We then wrote a shot list of things I wanted to accomplish prior to leaving the house for a hike and accomplished that, including getting ready within an hour. We then drove about 30 minutes up into the mountains and hiked a 3-hour trail. When we got back home, at some point we played a hand of cards, which took close to an hour I believe. Later in the evening, we met our friends in a small town and had a dinner and went bowling. We played two games. We got back late. Quite a bit past my bedtime, around 1030ish. This morning, we had plans to go on a small hike but that got derailed by thinking we would stop at a farmers' market. which was actually closed, not opening until June. Instead, we stopped at the market to get the ingredients I needed to make for my lunches for the work week. Shortly after, we finished some yard work and prepared our porch for the Spring and Summer. 

[painandlovebleedintoone]

After much thought, I have canceled Netflix. I’ve realized it offered no additional quality to my life. My most recent relationship with Netflix included scanning through the selection for 10 to 30 minutes, finding nothing, then either turning it off, settling for some dumb show, or moving on to the next streaming service selections. I spent more time looking for something to watch than actually watching something on there. 

Any new show or movie I did decide to watch, I usually did not finish due to it being pretty crappy. Either filled with woke agendas or just the same old surface crap that has been played before. Most shows that I returned to for another season, I found ruined by once again, woke agendas. I’ve decided I am so tired of wasting my time and money on woke crap. In general, I’m tired of wasting my time consuming media. I want to use my resources on better. In no way, do I look back on my time and think “Wow, that show really added quality to my life”. 

I have found that I like to watch the same few things over again, which includes a few shows and movies. From now on, if I am going to spend my time watching something, it will be on something that has proven to be entertaining time and time again. If I am to watch something new, it will truly need to be something I really want to see. This way, if I do decide I want to my spend an evening lounging watching something, it will feel like a treat. 

[painandlovebleedintoone]

I have met a lot of my goals regarding consumption. The urge to consume is still there, and I’ve noticed that I spend “a lot” of time on Amazon browsing to find things I might need. This time ends up being spread throughout the week and I would estimate that I might be visiting Amazon on nearly a daily basis out of habit. When it comes down to it, I use Amazon for a lot of necessity shopping, such as supplements and household items. I want to break the habit and decrease the urge to visit Amazon frequently. After putting some thought in it today, I’ve decided to set an “Amazon” day that will come once each month. This day will be the only day in the month I can visit the site and do my shopping. This will allow me to be more mindful about my purchases, as well as decrease my need for instant gratification of being able to shop for whatever I want or need whenever I want. Another positive of this system is the likelihood of reducing packaging and trips needed for shipping to my address, because Amazon typically will package items together if possible. The only exception to this rule if there is an “out of the norm” item that I need to do some research on for pricing, options, and reviews. For example, within the next few months, we will be purchasing some type of cooling system for our house and I want to make sure I am making a very mindful and well researched purchase. As part of this challenge, I will go the month of May without any Amazon browsing or purchasing. June will be the first month where I will implement the new rule. The Amazon day will be the first weekend of each month and I can pick which day depending on my schedule. 

[painandlovebleedintoone]

Tomorrow, I think might be my no technology day. No laptop. No phone. I wonder if that means I should turn my phone off before I go to bed then and also put my laptop away. I’m not sure how I will handle the T.V. My husband will mostly be watching football, so I shouldn’t worry too much of being drawn in. 

I will have plain coffee in the morning from my new coffee maker

In the morning I will go grocery shopping and do some cooking for the next three days

I will go on a walk and do stretches. I will lay on my neck thing. 

I will do some cleaning and try to finish on that organization of those storage containers in my room. 

I will spend some time outside getting fresh air, maybe that means I will do two walks. 

I won’t have any laundry to do. No going in and out of garage tending to loads, which means everything has to be done and go away tonight. 

[painandlovebleedintoone]

What do I want to do today? 

I want to finish the laundry

wash the shower curtain & tub

go on a walk or hike

change my address on my license 

cancel disney account

stretch 

rest

[painandlovebleedintoone]

My main goal this week is to have a no-buy week. The biggest hurdle is to not buy Starbucks coffee and pastry in the morning. Due to inflation, the price has gone from my normal 6.45 to 7.00. Either way, it is entirely expensive and ends up being around 130 a month. I’ve given up the short spree at the vending machine at work- it is the only food/drink available on site besides the cafeteria which includes a complicated process of purchasing meal tickets from reception. Anyways, I bought ingredients for iced coffee. My cream expired last week so that set me back. I bought a huge half & half bottle that is good until Mid December, so this shouldn't be a problem for a while. I purchased some ground coffee in hopes that it might taste better than the bulk Folgers. Not sure if the price will be worth it and I will have to do some calculations to find out how much iced coffee from home is costing me compared to buying it out. I hope it is significant. As for lunches, on Sunday’s I will prep two days of potatoes to pack for lunch. Then, Wednesday through Friday will need to be rice because it is quick and easy to make. 

[painandlovebleedintoone]

Food continues to be the one expense I mess up on. It continues to be, as it has been for the past 10 years, on Starbucks coffee. Also, at work now, there are no food options except the cafeteria food or two vending machines- one with beverages and the other with chips and candy. When I don’t pack lunch, I turn to the vending machine because the cafeteria option is somewhat complicated in which you must go to reception to purchase a meal ticket first. The process in itself just keeps me away from it and I don’t want to go buy a whole meal book, 25 tickets, because I will just continue to rely on it everyday once again. I need to have a few options to pack for lunch that can be quick and don’t require prep the night before. That is my goal today- to come up with a few options. And, then also to keep a few things in my office that I can have on the fly, such as the microwavable macaroni cups. Not healthy, but better than the vending machine, and probably cheaper. 

[painandlovebleedintoone]

It’s been about two weeks now without Lamictal. Overall, I feel like I can tolerate this. I had originally taken my Seroquel down to 25 mg, which is an eighth of what I have been taking for five years now. I was not able to sleep at all, so I pushed it up to 50 mg and I am finding myself sleeping good enough. I have paired it with 10 mg of melatonin. My goal is to be on as little meds as possible while still being able to sleep and function. I’m going to cut out the melatonin tonight to see if that is even playing a role. There is no need to have it in the mix if not. Positive things I have noticed since I stopped is my memory is already starting to improve which has been one of my main concerns since being on Seroquel long term. I also feel a bit of my creativity coming back which I feel was stifled after 6 months on the medication. 

Another component I am looking into for my bodies overall health are my hormones. I definitely feel that my hormones have been disrupted by ingredients in body products. This could play a role in how well I sleep.

[painandlovebleedintoone]

Morning on a deck in the mountains. I love living out here.

[painandlovebleedintoone]

Yesterday, last night, the past few days, I have been extremely difficult. I’m surprised I’m able to focus this much in order to type this. At this point, I’m not entirely sure what is wrong or how I am feeling or why I am feeling like this. I have my concerns about work and about my schedule. I hope that things can get easier for me. 

Today I will feel accomplished if I clean out my car, vacuum and sweep the house and wash the laundry.

[painandlovebleedintoone]

I want to keep quiet at work. Being minimal and simple with my interactions. I am glad that guy for training came in and said his little piece about if you want to stick around a long time, just keep quiet and stay to yourself. That is exactly what I want to do. I don’t want people to know too much about my personal life at work. The less personal I get the less people can use against me or use to dislike me. The less involved I am with conversations, the less I will be involved with the drama. 

[painandlovebleedintoone]

I’m still going through clutter and makes me realized how much of a slave I am to to it. I keep thinking, hey I need to buy some furniture or storage to store it nicely and then  think about how I am even more of a slave because I have to spend more money just to have a place for it. It is also a bit difficult now because we have garbage pick up and the garbage can is so small there is no where to throw everything. I’m guessing we will have to do a hall off to the dumps, which once again, having things costs more money to throw it away.