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pandoras-lunchbox · 5 years

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Head, shoulders, knees and woes.

Head, shoulders, knees and toes. Here is a breakdown of physical and mental changes that have developed over my first month on Testosterone. Everybody developed at different rates so the changes I have experienced aren't necessarily what everyone will experience within their first month.

Physical

Head-

My hair hasn't necessarily changed, my hairline is the same from what I can tell. However, could be unrelated by I've noticed but the hair that's 'sideburns' has begun to grow backwards? Like it kinda curls now even when short. So what's new... Maybe? My eyebrows have started to fill in, I've had to tweeze some sneaky mid-brow hairs. Can't be dealing with that uni-brow, no thank you, Mam! My face itself has become wider somehow? I noticed pretty much halfway through the month my face started to puff out a little, from what I've seen this is water retention that will eventually slim out. But that's for another month. My nose has also widened and gotten a little heftier, which is cool! My jawline has started to get broader and a bit more substantial also noticed some aching in my jaw like muscular ache but of the face. Yano. As for facial hair. ooooooooo. I've started counting them and as of 2:43 pm today I have 74 new, black hairs. I know they're new because compared to the hair that was there before; thin and quite fair. These are much thicker, ad I know it's probably the most unattractive comparison but they kinda remind me of spider's leg hairs...but not as grim. Not looking to grow any sort of facial hair for at least a year or until it thickens fully, because as exciting as the prospect is I just can't pull off a POA Remus tash (if you know you know). Have also noticed in the last week a good few more new white hairs appearing on my chin and cheeks (face cheeks) so now we just wait and cultivate the small face plants.

Neck/Shoulders-

Neck has widened and the smallest of Adam's apple is beginning to show (side note: and can someone please explain how I've got two Adams apples, not sure if it's two or if its the corners of a more prominent section of cartilage? not sure) My shoulders have gotten slightly broader but I'm measuring this based on how old clothes used to fit me and my shoulders now meet the seams of a men's small which was before just a no go.

Arms/stomach-

My arms have been one of the main changes I've noticed, apart from the new baby hairs beginning to sprout up all over the place the thickness and muscle mass in my arms became noticeable within the first two weeks. The fat distribution on my arms has also shifted, for example, pre testosterone there was a thicker layer of fat under my arms, scientifically know of course as...the bingos. Since then the layer of fat has shrunk and gone somewhere else? maybe? hairy hands are also going to become a thing, call me teen wolf that sh*t growing fast! As for my stomach and shape/figure, in general, I've seen a small change in my waist which has started to fill out and is less of a curve which is greaaaaaat! Also probably related to the INSATIABLE appetite I've developed, yup, they didn't lie about the hunger HOLY SECOND BREAKFAST BATMAN! the hunger is ridiculous, I eat, I'm hungry, I stuff my face, I'm hungry. I mean being a hobbit was a joke before, but now I'm living up to the Hobbits height and appetite. Although, now eating as much as I do it's so obvious as to why hunger is a thing because the muscle mass and moving of fat are super obvious. very grateful for that. And once again the white baby hairs are EVERYWHERE.

Leggy x2-

To myth bust something I'm asked very often, I won't grow in height, stopped growing like 3 years ago, not bitter at all...but it doesn't mean my legs aren't trying! my calf muscles are showing themselves a little more and my thighs have slimmed down a little, once again just going by older clothes and how they fit different. Honestly, probably the most exciting change of all though...Hairy knees, yup, my knees no longer resemble polished pebbles, they are now more so tiny mossy knolls. Oh and the wonder of thigh hair! Abundant ranges of white sprouts indeed.

Mental

Something I hadn't quite prepared myself for was the colossal mindf*ck of reliving puberty at 20 years of age. I remember the meaningless tantrums and silent crying to Shinedown or pierce the veil at 2 am...ring a bell? No?...ok. But other than that, little memory remains of just what hormones do to the mind, the first few days were fine, then it hit week two...

I like to think I'd got my shit together a little more and generally I'm a rather rational or optimistic thinker and I tend to lead a bit more with logic whenever I can. take that with a pinch of salt of course.

I remember waking up one morning within the second week of testosterone and I felt as though during the night the hormone monster had snuck into my room and rewired any logical or sane part of my brain directly to anger and just literally cry at anything...by ‘anything’ I mean that later that day I cried at the British gas penguin advert.

correction: Ugly cried.

I probably wouldn't have noticed this sudden downward spiral had i not been the complete opposite before, alright a single tear might have formed at the sight of a penguin in a small coat and backpack, but not full-on 'they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand.' cry.

From my recollection, I have never been that anxious or irritated in my entire life. And until only recently (as in the last week or so) I've been able to call myself out and recognise that these emotions or short-fused attitude are purely to do with hormones. And with time they will pass, it’s just all part of the process and I should stand back and see the bigger picture like I always had, this is an opportunity I've waited a lifetime for and it’s inexplicably exciting, every step of it. And in no way have I taken this opportunity to begin my medical transition for granted, and regardless of the short term turmoil; I experienced at the start, I know that no matter what it will all work out. Patience has and will always be the most valuable lesson of all.

Thanks for making it this far fruend. You’re great.

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