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Being alone is just like: *makes a weird noise* *talks to myself* *makes a weird noise* *makes a weird noise* *talks to myself* *doesn’t talk to myself but does the hand gestures to what I’m saying in my head* *makes a weird noise* *makes a weir

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People are trying to create perpetual motion for centuries. A zombie apocalypse would end this quest. Zombies move without external energy and could therefore be used as an infinite source of energy, e.g. in a treadmil. This would give us sustainable green energy, liberating us from fossil fuels.

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When you sit on a toilet, you’re connecting your buthole to a city wide network of connected butholes.

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dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

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In the movie Birdbox, seeing as animals aren’t affected, guide dogs would be the most valuable animal companion to have over a bird

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[Retweet]

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spotify gives you all of your stats at the end of every year and makes you a playlist of your top 100 songs, makes you six (6) personalized playlists every day, And a playlist every monday of new music based on your listening history and yall still gonna say apple music is better? i have to laugh

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Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/

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I plugged 3 consoles into one A/V port for maximum gaming.

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Vintage NASA press pic of Saturn’s northern hemisphere, observed by the Voyager 2 probe from 4.4 million miles away, August 19, 1981.