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Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I’ll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it’s funny and impossible so good fucking luck

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ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

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by the way purpled has literally been looping montero for almost four days at this point and his spotify updates account is on their last canon life

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I love showing people a picture of my cat for the first time and they go "aww" and then I say "her name is Pigeon" and they go "aww her name is PIGEON" bc this knowledge has made her cuter

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Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

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QUACKITY LORE TEASER!??!?!

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What does the arab in your carrd mean? Is it like afab and amab?

.. i’m palestinian

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Dream SMP Quotes as if it were the 1800s (or maybe Shakspeare. I can't tell which anymore)

"Behold! I wear a garment of chalk! Why dost thou imagine me a keeper of answers?" - Fundy ("I'm wearing a crayon suit. What the f do you want from me?")

"I have just slain a woman. All is well." - TommyInnit ("Just killed a woman. Feeling good.")

"Master Tomathy, are we knaves? Are we the villains of this grand tale?" - Wilbur ("Tommy, are we the bad guys?")

"Thou wish'st to be remembered as a hero? Then perish as one!" - Technoblade ("You wanna be a hero, Tommy? Then die like one!")

"If I cannot be blamed of laughter, then upon my honor, I shall be blamed of tears." - Fundy ("If I can't make people laugh, then I'll make them cry.")

"Doomed! Doomed from the moment of inception!" - Eret ("It was never meant to be")

"If the path of blood be the only choice, then I walk it with bold stride." - Technoblade ("There's no other way. I choose blood.")

"Behold the pickax in my hand! It shall rearrange thy mouth!" - Technoblade ("I have a pickax and I'll put it through your teeth!")

*Quick aside: Techno is just SO quotable, it's incredible. It's what he gets for being an english major :)*

"Art thine eyes blinded? Dost thou not behold history circling back upon itself as before?" - Technoblade ("Don't you see what's happening? Don't you see history repeating itself?")

"When next the sun rises, it will rise on a world unfamiliar to its ancient eyes." - JSchlatt ("This place is gonna look a lot different tomorrow.")

"Give us liberty or give us death." - Wilbur ("We would rather die than give in to you and join your SMP.")

"Hades opens his arms to me and I am drawn into his warm embrace." - Ranboo ("There I go. Down to hell.")

And finally, my favorite one:

"For all their stark differences, the people of the world share a common tongue, though they realize it not. It is the language of the beasts in the wood, the language of fists and blades, of strength and domination. We speak this language, too." - Technoblade ("The only universal language is violence, and we've spoken that language.")

Comment or message me with quotes you'd like to see done, or repost and add your own :)

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that lie detector video changed tommy forever

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So what I'm getting from this is that he's the main villain in the dolls arc, therefore, he will need to show up in other music videos to be defeated

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PSA for Switch owners

The latest 11.0 update means that Google Analytics is a thing on the switch and turned on. What that means is that Nintendo has a deal with Google to share with them your data for advertisement purposes.

To turn it off

go to the eShop

go to your profile where your funds and account info is

go down to the bottom of the page

there you will see “Google Analytics Preferences”

select the Change

select “Don’t Share”

Please spread the word. Really shitty of Nintendo to just quietly start allowing Google to spy on users for advertising.

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technoblade's 2014 hypixel fanfic is real and actually well written

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pissing myself at newsnight showing the list of mps who have resigned with boris johnson's face in the background played to a dramatic rendition of bittersweet symphony like he personally murdered each and every one of them

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Phil definitely doesn’t have a favourite child!

[Transcript Begins:

Phil (reading chat): Who is your favourite child?

Phil: I can’t pick a favourite child!

Phil (zooming into his face for a split second): Techno.

Phil: I can’t pick a favourite child, what are you talking about? That’s crazy, dude.

Transcript Ends]

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This clip is my new obsession.

Phil: Warcrimes? Techno: Warcrimes!  Phil: Warcrimes??

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Things Technoblade did/said in the Potato Wars:

“But I wasn’t farming potatoes for profit, I was farming them for honor, for glory.”

Potato War 1: “But what could I do? Farm potatoes by hand?” Literally the first sentence of Potato War 2 “So I was farming potatoes by hand-”

Technoblade trying to figure out how to defeat his enemies and his first two thoughts are Research and then Sabotage

He knew that the cost of finishing the potato wars instead of collaborating with Dream was hitting his next milestone (3 mil) and he still did it

He sold like all of this special items just so that he could sell them to buy fucking potato minions

“Whitelisted wha  do you want fro  me” 

He single handedly crashed the market price for potatoes

Bought an alt to infiltrate squid-kid’s anti-Technoblade guild

Named the alt “potato” in french

He says that he joined smp earth to throw off squid kid. Is this a joke? Does anyone know?? Like he would do that but also what the fuck?

Figured out that he could use his skeleton horse pet to trample squid kid’s crops but didn’t because he’s a good person it was inefficient 

Had over 5x as much productivity farming potatoes by hand as squid kid.

Not because squid is lazy, just bc Technoblade is a legend

Ah yes, the stages of escalation in the Potato War:

Research

Sabotage 

Espionage

Psychological warfare

Propaganda

Torture

Grief

Psychological warfare is allowed but bullying is NOT if you say something mean about squid-kid Technoblade will personally show up in your closet at night like a sleep paralysis demon

The amount of math and genuine usage of the scientific method in minecraft shouldnt be allowed

HE IS BUT A PUPPET, AND I THE PUPPETEER

death note who

people thought technoblade was botting bc he was that dedicated

All I’m saying is that if you are a new Technoblade fan and you haven’t seen the Potato Wars you’re missing out on an incredibly important part of his channel and you should liveblog it because i want to laugh at your reactions