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pearlsins · 6 months

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Hello October!

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pearlsins · 6 months

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This! Sometimes, I wish schools had allowed more personal workshops to hone on skills that we as kids had wanted to do. Not that other aspects of classes were not just as important, if not more, as our natural creativity to draw an alternative world where we can tell the stories we want.

My grandmother was the reason I was drawn to storytelling. I could never get tired of her telling me the story of The Monkey King, which became such a big staple of my childhood. The world of fantasy, where anything is possible because there were immortals who had the magical ability to fight and protect. Sailor Moon was another childhood favorite of storytelling because here was an ordinary girl thrown into the realm of fighting evil in the name of love and justice. How could I not fall in love with those characters who had these abilities to do the impossible? I crave to be like those storytellers.

Enter college. And then graduation, doing nothing with my degree because I was not applying myself to the fullest. And the writing industry could not care less about your imagination. If you di not network or surround yourself with people who had the right connections to get your foot in the door, a writing degree was useless. Maybe that is a bit harsh, and I have no ground to stand on that take, but waiting too long to not continue my "passion" for writing is my downfall.

So what did I do with my career choices? I entered into hospitality the year before graduation, primarily working in the banquet department, where I am constantly on my feet and interacting with people of all diversities. I found out that I like the work I was doing because it meant not being stuck in an office cube all day going out of my mind to keep up with deadlines. I enjoy structure, but deadlines always struck me like lightning. The countdown to when a project would be due gave me anxiety, and I would procrastinate, which is a huge problem because it will slowly creep into other areas of my life.

Working in banquet gave me structure of knowing what was to come. Unlike storytelling in which I had no control of knowing what was happening next. My strong point will always be in excerpts, not a story with a beginning, middle, and end. If I cannot write a beginning, barely a middle, how am I expected to write an ending? Each writer gets creative with their writing process, and they find what works for them in trial and error, but that is a discipline I lack, which goes back to my beginning statement that I wish schools would have had personal workshops that I would have be able to utilize for my writing. Or maybe a tech school would have been a better choice. But that's a different story for another day.

“I feel like I had so many more stories before I came to film school. I wrote so much when I was young. I’d fill up entire journals. I was a quiet kid, so writing was my way of imagining conversations that I’d never have in real life. But it doesn’t feel like I’m expressing myself anymore. It’s become less about whether I like it, and more about whether my professors and classmates like it. I’m always focused on the rhythm, or the structure, or the notes I received in class, or all these rules from a long time ago that everybody uses because they work. And it just feels like I’m swapping out decorations in a house that’s already been built. But I’m afraid to be more inventive, because if your work doesn’t fit the rules, then people will doubt your talent. So film school has made me much better at making other people happy. But it’s made me less happy. And that’s not a direction that I can see myself continuing for very long.”

#felt like pouring my heart out #regarding my lack of discipline in writing #and in writing is where I excel a strong stance of expressions #my emotions are on paper for everyone to read #verbal? not so much

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pearlsins · 6 months

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