pebblesrus

[pebblesrus]

the bad news is that no feeling is final. the good news is that no feeling is final. hope this helps 

#that quote from bones—“nothing in this universe happens just once. infinity goes in both directions”

[pebblesrus]

the book thief — markus zusak

wolfsong — tj klune

the song of achilles — madeline miller

the sandman vol. 4: season of mists — neil gaiman

mister impossible — maggie stiefvater

on earth we're briefly gorgeous — ocean vuong

a conjuring of light — v.e. schwab

kiss her once for me — alison cochrun

#the tj klune one killed me when i read that book :)

[pebblesrus]

the sexy girlbots are returning. nature is healing

#this is my entire activity thing now that i have accidentally taken a hiatus it is true the world is healing

[pebblesrus]

genuinely and honestly I know I cannot solve all of the problems of the world etc but my friends who live in my phone please know that when you are having the horrors I am telepathically sending you a bowl of warm soup, a mug of hot cocoa, a cozy blanket, and a hug (if you want one) with my brain

#<3 2 all of u

[pebblesrus]

i think it is good to warn people in advance about the circumstances that will cause you to bite them and i think that having given that warning it is good to follow through when the time comes

#what i strive for honestly

[pebblesrus]

the problem is i will not be watching redemption s2 but i also have fomo u kno

#this is about silence on the set but it is also not about it. i just. redemption wasn't in the cards for me. didn't ever even watch 1b #this also is about silence on the set. which i couldn't bring my brain to fully comprehend when it was going around. #and like i'm not ready to dig into my personal reasons for why it hit so hard. but here we are. #i was going to give redemption s2 a try but now. idk. i'm not participating. #life is also just weird and i am not participating in anything. this could be called seasonal depression. this could also be tmi. #but back to the issue at hand. someone else said it best and i'm going to try to summarize it? #basically no one is making money from the content i am interacting with/creating. so maybe one day i will go back to it. #some stuff i can look back at fondly. like this. thing took up my life and it got me through a time. #and the experiences i had because of it are not bad. #at this point it's fun when people interact with old posts. find xyz that brings me back to a time when all of this was lighter in my head. #maybe it's not fair to be able to separate it. but we all separated nate from the actor. maybe none of this is fair. this society just. #can't let u have one fucking thing huh #anyway if u made it this far......... <3

[pebblesrus]

you examine yourself like studying a virus.

for days after, months - years, even - you torture yourself over small objects. times where you misspoke or interrupted with a joke when you should have listened. times when you didn't know how to show your support. times when you were louder, brassier, inappropriate for the situation. times when you were too quiet, shy, cold.

fucker. you constantly promise that next-time you'll do better. you will make sure every person you come in contact with leaves smiling. that they'll all feel loved and accepted and held. that you take care. other people do it! other people are actually good people; you're just cruel.

it feels like you are fighting a horrible little beetle. one of those parasites that control ants. one who comes up and wiggles into your brain and makes you a shameful ghost of a person. too spineless to ever be a demon. so what if you were having a bad day? you don't get to stumble. so what if you are overwhelmed? you don't need to make a scene.

all this time on the earth. you are still somehow convinced: the mistakes you make are more important than any other part of you. you still feel like you are wrestling a nature you do not understand; one that coils horribly inside of you. one that seeks to destroy, to undo.

you go home. you replay the moments where you weren't perfect. be better, you scold. do more. you are an accident. a train wreck. something to abhor.

the questions always ringing in your head: why did i do that? why do i slip? why can't i just fucking be normal? what if all i am is just ... this?

#been thinking about this all day it has indeed infected my brain

[pebblesrus]

rip z-library u were the most important service on the internet

#im going 2 quit the internet this is too much #i came back to tumblr for .3 seconds and this is what i find?? i am devastated

[pebblesrus]

My sister puts glasses away upside down.

Because our mother does,

Because her mother did,

Because her mother lived through the Dust Bowl.

One day my father sat me down and told me about epigenetics.

How the trauma he went through

As a child in an abusive home

Wrote itself into his DNA

And, in turn, into mine.

How he and his brothers,

In various ways,

Are all sick from it.

How I might be too, someday,

And I’m not sure I’m not.

I hear people say,

When will we get back to normal?

And I think of a woman born in the twenty-first century

Who puts her glasses away differently

Because of what her great-grandmother endured

Ninety years before.

#possibly now this is a poetry blog

[pebblesrus]

listen. aging into your thirties rocks. yes your joints get a little creaky. yes you can’t sleep in a pretzel on the floor anymore after a concert or a convention. and you lose some friends. but the thing is that you sort out who your real friends are and you sort out who you really are. and you get to see your friends settling into careers they like, and adopt new dogs and cats, and you find a job you can stand, and get really good at arts and crafts, and maybe that book you loved as a kid gets a movie deal and it doesn’t suck, and you learn to like new food and bake your own bread, and you realize that the great portfolio of self harm scars you all used to curate are going white with age and not updated, and half your friends are a different gender now and so much happier and maybe you are too, and you know who you are, and that it’s a journey and not a revelation. it’s a direction you’re headed, and you’re enjoying the trip.

reaching your 30′s rocks. and i’m hearing good things about what comes next, too.

#the closer i get to 30 the happier i am‚ honestly

[pebblesrus]

#poems that scoop out your soul

[pebblesrus]

Nate, S1E1: Let's go get you kids a mom.

Sophie, E1 redemption: Let's go get you kids a golden retriever.

#priorities r in check #leverage redemption

[pebblesrus]

i think parker sits on the counter while she watches eliot cook because a) she likes to be Tall and 2) eliot made a fuss the first time and then proceeded to always have space on the counter specifically for her to sit on despite sighing So Very Deeply every time she hops up there and iii) looking down at eliot when he’s looking up at her just hits different, especially because eliot in cooking mode is…he’s just nice to look at is all

#absolutely correct. factual statement

[pebblesrus]

nothing sexier than "find a way to get her out" "with WHAT" "you stole a Michaelangelo with tinfoil and chewing gum, FIGURE IT OUT"

#the continuity is beautiful i cry every time

[pebblesrus]

Leverage as Onion Headlines.

#heist! team!

[pebblesrus]

Eliot vowed to protect them until his dying day, right? That’s like, *the* most memorable quote from the show, or at least one of them.

But I’ve been thinking a lot about what that looks like, and it’s not all punching people or getting shot. In fact, most of the job isn’t that at all.

It’s offering to tear apart the psychic that made Parker cry. It’s picking Nate up off the floor when the bad guys got to him first. It’s pulling Hardison out of that coffin.

How much of Eliot Spencer’s job is about picking up the pieces?

But it’s more than that, even.

It’s keeping a level head when Hardison is drowning in the pool behind him. It’s staying calm when Sophie is holding a literal bomb in her hand and everyone thinks they’re going to die. It’s being more of a parent than Nate can be when he’s drunk or stupid or both.

It’s making sure the team comes home alive, or going out to finding them if they don’t.

It’s about being the person everyone needs while still not quite being whole himself.

#eliot spencer retrieval specialist‚ eliot spencer protector‚ eliot spencer fail safe—

[pebblesrus]

Alec Hardison is the least oblivious guy ever.

I mean, this is the guy who can understand what Parker means by "having feelings for Pretzels" and then replies kindly to it, with something that Parker will understand too.

Most of the media that I consume, in that kind of situation, the guy will be oblivious which leads to pining and misunderstanding but with Hardison that doesn't happen. He understands Parker and communicates with her in a way that she understands too. There is no beating around the bush between them.

Alec Hardison is excellent at decoding both computers and humans.

#love this love him he's just so good