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Bro has trauma

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ok lets settle it. which laios is getting the best dick rn

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i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY

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Reblog if you think fanfiction is a legitimate form of creative writing.

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i want 60 thousand votes by next thursday

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Batman AU

Batman tells Gordon that he doesn't kill. Thinking that it's a legality issue, Gordon deputizes Batman and gives him a gun and badge. Batman of course doesn't use the gun and just figures Gordon is stressed.

After Joker kills a Robin, Gordon starts to deputize the Batfam members.

Gordon: Next time you see that clown. Take. The. Shot. Rookie.

Robin (Tim, tiny ass 14 year old holding a 45 magnum): Umm... Yes sir?

Batman (plus all the Rogues, minions, and citizens of Gotham when Robin shows up with a 45 Magnum):

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Rick Riordan has to chuck Annabeth and Percy into Tartarus the same day Nico came out of that bronze jar because can you IMAGINE how chaotic it could have been if Nico and Percy were on that boat together at the same time. Percy fondly reminiscing over how adorable Nico was at age ten while our favorite skrungly emo boy is sitting on the side looking like a pile of trash run over by a train. Nico violently suppressing the Gayness now that he’s stuck in close quarters with Percy. Annabeth wants to study him but he’s too scared of her to get within five feet at any time. Hazel trying to figure out why her brother is broken now but no he just has a constant internal monologue of Screaming because he forgot that Percy is annoying as fuck. Percy randomly brings up that time Nico betrayed him and trapped him in the Underworld and Nico’s like “fuck off I rescued you like two hours later it worked out fine” and everyone’s sitting there like 👁️👄👁️

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A hummingbird thought a man’s orange hat was a flower [x]

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Justice League identity reveal where they don’t know who Batman is and one day a bunch of them walk in on him just casually eating yogurt in the cafeteria with his cowl off. A bunch of them recognize him, a couple don’t, and they’re all shocked.

Turns out Batman didn’t realize none of them knew who he was, since it had taken him all of ten minutes and three google searches to put everyone’s secret identities together and he just assumed they had all figured it out by this point. Or maybe he had meant to tell them and then just forgotten. Either way, he regularly interacts with half of them outside of hero stuff and hasn’t bothered with the whole separate persona thing with them in years. Shouldn’t they really have figured this out by now? So what if he forgot? This is clearly on them.

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No sleep. Only draw.

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semicolons are not only for formal essays and anyone who tells you otherwise wants to deprive you of the second most satisfying punctuation mark; do NOT believe them. i promise they get no bitches

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Prompt 289

While Bruce was lost in time, he made a Deal. 

He doesn’t exactly mention it to his family when he comes back- he was more than a little busy trying to figure out what he missed, where his children were, what the fuck had even happened. Besides, he’d put it in the report that he’d encountered some sort of primordial time being- even if he was still investigating that on his down time. 

So he thinks he can be forgiven for forgetting to mention anything until Clark drops a cup while staring at him with a pale expression and shakily asks why there’s a second, slower heartbeat in his chest. He just also wishes it wasn’t in the middle of a League meeting. 

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A Favor for a Gift

Danny's new to the superhero scene, and he gets on rather well with Martian Manhunter.

He decides to give J'onn a gift, because he came across J'onn in a melancholy mood, and the Martian explained that he was homesick. Danny learned a lot about Mars and Martian culture, after telling him that he could vent to Danny if he wanted, and wants to do a little something to help J'onn out.

He goes to the Zone, searching for Martian ghosts to talk with. He finds Ghostwriter. Or rather, Ghostwriter finds him.

He proposes a deal.

He'll let Danny have two very old, very rare Martian books; but in exchange, Danny owes him. Big Time.

Danny....asks what the favor would be, cuz he's not about to agree to that without knowing what he's agreeing to.

Ghostwriter needs Danny to go enter into a Ghost Fighting Competition, the biggest in the Zone, because the prize is a book that not only does Ghostwriter not have, but the only copy of it's kind ever.

Danny agrees; he kicks ghost ass all the time, a fighting competition shouldn't be a problem. Pff. He'll be fine.

Okay he's a little nervous.

He pushes it down.

He gets one of the books early, as trade for even entering the competition in the first place, and rushes to give it to J'onn.

He's trying to psych himself up for the fight, but his intrusive thoughts keep making him remember the fights he's lost. He's just not good with stage fright! Fighting as a hero is one thing, but fighting in a competition is nervewracking!

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J'onn, getting a surface read of Phantom's mind, is concerned.

Due to Phantom being dead, not all of his thoughts are...legible. J'onn only gets flashes here or there, maybe emotions.

J'onn just got a flash of a coliseum, with stands filled to the brim, and another flash of Phantom losing in a fight.

Phantom is nervous.

Phantom, who's powers are so strong he can fight on equal footing with Superman, is nervous.

It is not the normal anxiety he can feel from the young ghost, it is something else.

Phantom tells him that he knows where another book is, he just needs to win it.

J'onn has heard of how Viscious Infinite Realms Ghosts can be, and it is reasonable to assume that Phantom being nervous is a direct result of a fight he knows he can't win.

A fight he's going to try to win anyways. For the sake of a book.

Phantom is worth more than a simple book.

Phantom disappears before J'onn can request that he not do that, leaving the Martian standing there with a book older than he is, with the knowledge that one of his friends is about to face...something. Some sort of danger.

And all J'onn can do is wait.

Naturally, he refuses to do that and calls the JLD to track down Phantom.

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thought about some banter that would happen between these guys on a teamup. i want them to be a team dc please make it happen please please please please please