phantomofthefiction

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 where's the lie?

good enough for today

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''there's only one bed.''

''i'll bandage you up.''

''who did this to you?''

''i didn't know where else to go.''

''can you be my date to the wedding?''

''you're my best friend. i've always loved you.''

''shut up.'' ''make me.''

''i would never fall for you.''

''then why did you do it?'' ''BECAUSE I LOVE YOU''

''oh. oh.''

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Regina: You're annoying.

Emma: Then stop holding my hand.

Regina: No.

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The Addams Family renting out rooms in their huge mansion cheaply to broke college students.

The students digging it because the craziness and the bugs are pretty much the same as any other dorm house. Also, Morticia and Gomez treat them all like visiting cousins, not like tenants to abuse and exploit. 

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Saying “I’m back on my bullshit” is funnier when you cycle through hyperfixations at random intervals because no one knows what bullshit you’re talking about unless you’ve made it obvious before or while saying it.

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It's very easy to say that magic doesn't exist, but ultimately computers work by channeling lightning through a series of crystals, so who's really to say.

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I asked my kids if they’d prefer a secret garden or a secret library and my son shook his head and was like “I don’t trust the secret gardeners and librarians”

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i’m screaming Xena caused the Ides of March

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My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

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(X)

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Abigail, Abigail, Abigail… The World to Come (2020) Mona Fastvold

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Imagine being the writers who messed up a story this perfect.

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You’ve been hit by 🔪

You’ve been struck by 🔪

A Roman Senator 🔪🔪🔪