pockybabee

[pockybabee]

On Monday September 18th, 2023 my father passed away while I held his hand. I was completely alone despite being in a room of loved ones. I was the only one who was awake. I told him it would be okay and to let go, stop fighting because it was his time. He listened. I’ve never felt a stronger father daughter love than in that moment that we shared.

(This part about my old roommates is very aggressive and mean but to be honest I have zero fucks to give. I don’t hate them, far from it. I just hate what they put me through.)

Through the year I knew that day had been coming and in March I said he had until September. The cancer was aggressive and there was no treatment options. Still, my roommates told me I was being too negative and that I had to just hope he had longer than that.

But I knew.

They didn’t fucking listen to a word I said. Not once.

I started spending every second I had with the love of my life and one of the only people who lives near me that cares about me. Roommates were pissed as one of them was my ex best friend and she said it meant I didn’t fucking care about her. Well it’s hard to give a fuck when you know you’ll be kicked in the face again. So I continued to push her away because that’s just it, no one could be more miserable than her. Somehow I was selfish and dramatic for wanting to move out because I wanted to make sure I had enough money if I needed to rush home 600+ miles away to be there to hold my dad’s hand while he died.

July came and went, my ex best friend said she wanted to stop being friends with me and I simply said “okay” because despite my efforts she never saw my side or my pain or my hurt or any of the fucking damage she caused. The last thing she said to me was “I hope your father makes it to your wedding day” I bit back the words “if you listened, you’d know he won’t.” But her ignorant words not only lit a fire once more inside of me but they validated my choices to move in with my girlfriend, to tell anyone who tried to hurt me for my grief to go fuck themselves and to just worry about my family.

August came and at the end I warned my manager that September was it. That would be when it would happen and no one truly believed me because no doctor had given solid answers but I heard my mother on the phone and my brother’s pain through his messages to me. September was it.

I was right. Even when he collapsed and got admitted to the hospital I said “he’s not coming home this time” and sobbed into my girlfriend’s arms. She asked me how I knew and I said I just know. The doctor said there was no need to rush out but not even 24 hours later changed his mind and said death was imminent.

September.

Just like I had said all this time.

My father knew it too, that’s why we loved each other differently those last 6 months. No conversation ended without an I love you where every word held emotion and meaning. He called me first thing in the morning on my birthday and we cried together about how much we missed being together and grieved what we couldn’t do or see. By accepting my father’s death with him, our bond became unexplainably deeper than any other in our lives. He knew, I knew and we both knew that we knew. I think that’s why I was alone with him when it happened. Why he let go when I told him it was time.

We knew.

When I was in the hospital with my dad, I had very interesting dreams in the little bit of sleep I got. It was all the same continuous dream though. Him, marching through a field. You could tell he knew where he was going, like he had seen it before. There was no end in sight, but it didn’t discourage him he just kept going. It was this dream that brought me just a bit of peace in all the heartbreak and chaos. Every time I woke up it would startle me to be back in the hospital room and I would cry because I just wanted to stay in that field. It was jarring to come back to reality, like I was temporarily sucked into a different world wherever he was going and just watching him start the journey. I like to think that he made it beyond the field, to another, beautiful and peaceful place where he could just be. Just peacefully be. Personally, I think he was showing me where he was to soothe my aching heart. You can believe whatever you’d like but I saw that field. I saw it multiple times and I heard the music ringing through and I KNOW the way my heart felt. It was unlike anything I had ever dreamt of before. I’ve been wanting to share for a while I just didn’t know how to express it, but thankfully that’s what art is for, right?

[pockybabee]

Caught my dog doing a lil two step at the park like it's nothing

(Source)

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Another one of my characters, I'm so grateful for this <3 She looks so cute!

fuzzycat12's (dA) oc ailsa/

[pockybabee]

I still love this, my OC is the grey one!

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE SO TALENTED <3

the bee is mine //

#they're both so cute #art

[pockybabee]

2021. It was a year. 2022’s going to be a big one for the Lackadaisy animation project, though, which is both exciting and nerve-racking…so here’s some inane fun in the meantime! Ivy’s never not prepared to bring the jazz sparkles.

Watch the looping electro swing video here!

Many thanks to Sagan Yee, Zebirdbrain, Fable Siegel and Ashe Wagner for their work on this!

[pockybabee]

[pockybabee]

just my first post, and Idk how to use tumblr

[pockybabee]

Dev Log Update - Lackadaisy Animated Short Film

A wild Sedgewick appears (..and he’s only slightly ossified). Character sheet spiffed up for the occasion by desiger, L. Frostad!

Also, a snippet from the latest animation compilation. Roughs by Kaylan Peattie! It looks a little chunky here because of tumblr limitations, but the full video featuring more animation and voice acting is now up here on YouTube.

[pockybabee]

You get used to painting with only one hand.

[pockybabee]

are u happy or sad or angry or what?

i'm definitely what

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