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i..i dont know if im happy with him anymore

i dont want to leave him because itll hurt me too

but when im not with him i question it

and when im with him im happy and only sometimes frustrated but happy nonetheless right?

but i never wanna be sexual with him...hes kinda pushy and i dont like it so much anymore

he called himself daddy and i made a face then he got hurt and i just said no i like it but i dont think i do anymore.

this fucking sucks

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Woke up having lost 3 lbs! Overnight!! Reblog and I give unto you the power to lose 3 lbs tonight

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cant be sad without you being sadder right!?

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i wanna be back down to this fucking weight

body check #1

09.13.16

about 109 pounds

so far today ive eaten a ceasar salad and some strawberries and a half of a sandwhich and a candy cane

i didnt count calories as i dont normally

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I want to be skinnier than my sister

I want to be the one they call “skinny” and “tiny”, not her

I want to be the one who’s too small to fit into any clothes, not her

I want to be the one people can carry around because im light as a feather, not her

I want to be skinny

Skinnier than her

I will be skinny, not her

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so hes gonna vent to me about wanting to die and be stubborn with everything i tell him but get mad when i tell him what does he want me to do and then hes gonna say hes crying and then when i say somethinf hes gonna disagree and then change it up again and im vryinf i dont want that but hes gonna keep talking about it and disagree and then say im gonna leave him like ??? okay so i love you but this is a relationship your gf shouldnt be your therapist im sorry but its the hard truth you dont wanna be pitied but youre gonna get sadder when i give you logic??? what?????

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reblog if you want to be 120lbs or lighter by Christmas ✨

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🐁Mouse workout

(it’s called mouse workout because it’s quiet) 

100 leg lifts (each leg) 

75 squats

50 sit-ups 

50 second plank 

50 second wall sit

⚡️ Burns around 293 cals ⚡️  

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I BINGED YESTERDAY AND WOKE UP A POUND LIGHTER

REBLOG FOR GOOD LUCK HOLY FRICK

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my favorite thing is whenever he needs it so bad. the type of need where he’s grinding up against me, begging, whimpering with absolutely no shame because he just needs it that badly. where he will admit anything and say anything as long as his princess touches him. that’s my favorite thing: my needy boy.

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May you always have enough for rent.

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Body Check

first time in three years wearing shorts and it feels amazing

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Things an ED will make you do

- Eat in private because you’re embarrassed that you even need to eat - The frustration when you’re with someone who says “I’m hungry” - Constant anxiety over calories, fats, and carbs - Being hugely defensive when anyone comments on you eating or not eating - Comparing yourself to an 8 year old to make you feel huge - Always thinking and planning ahead what you might be “allowed” to eat next - Feeling like everyone is plotting to get you to eat when they suggest going out for food or getting together - Cancelling plans in fear of there being food involved. What if someone suggests going for lunch!?? - Body checking in your reflection everywhere (literally, everywhere) - Colonizing every little thought in your head.

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leg check

idk they feel different

im also really sore from doing workout dances lmao im such a fat ass for getting sore so easily

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dead

i wanna fuCKIJG END MY LIFE LATELY

but no one notices or if they do well they probably dont care lmao

my parents wont get off my ass about being inside on my phone so much but what the fuck else do i do???

i dont fucking have friends??

no one likes me?

i cant communicate with people.

i wanna die

can they stop fucking micromanaging me? i wanna be my own fucking person but they have to be up my ass if im not up theirs

and i cant say shit because theyll get mad and not listen

my brother had some sympathy for me but what good does it do

i wanna get o u t of this fucking house away from my parents

my sisters living it up with her fucking dom and im here wishing i was dead because i cant have time alone

my moms a lazy bitch lately and has me doing shit she doesnt want to do yet she claims its all her

and my dads acting like a bitch but when hasnt he?

every single fucking day i feel like im on thin ice and i have to watch my every move because the wont leave me alone

i swear to fucking god im gonna go crazy

someone get me away from them

i dont wanna see them pretty much ever again

i hate being treated like i cant do things

they wont let me get a job a fUCKING JOB???

so my ONLY source of income is from kissing their ass?? otherwise im always broke

and im eating as little as i cant lately so im extra pissed off, sure

but why the FCUK does EVERYONE around me have to tell me theres food on the table or in the kitchen like i fucming know i see people eating obviously?? if i wanted food i would go get it??

and my family goes around hugging me and saying im too skinny when i KNOW its a fucking lie?? and they always tell me to eat before they even say hi or some shit like it pisses me off? i know my body and my eating habits leave me the FUCK alone jesus fUCKING CHRIST

anyway im gonna end up killing myself because i cant be my own person and my parents make me have constant anxiety over my actions at home and anger toward everything why the fuck do i have to cater to you

if i dont want to eat i wont eat leave me the fucm alone its not your buisness

i have no friends but we been knew

im still fuckig pissed but what can i do lmao

fuck you <3

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alone

had a nightmare that was too real.

woke up and had a panic attack right away so im in the shower and calming myself down

i texted my friend to help me but it turns out im alone

they text me when theyre in trouble and im answering in two seconds and helping

guess the universe knows i just dont deserve any help or anything at all

the dream or nightmare was too real

i was shaking and crying so much but no one was there for me

and i get that i hid away because i cant tell my mom and dad that i had a dream of my dad hitting my mom

id only cause problems, if im already a problem then why should i cause more.

i dont want to be alive and today especially