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projectproactivitymastery · 3 years

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Essay-v.2021-03A: How to deal with procrastination ⌚?

Example : my accountant 💷 has been chasing 💨 me to submit some bookkeeping

In the NVC Book 📙 , there is the strategy of rephrasing 'I have to' to 'I choose to' to 'I want to'

Repeating <<I want to submit my bookkeeping because I value justice from paying taxes and self -efficacy >> to myself doesn't quite cut 🗡 it.

Exploring my feelings and needs, how do I nudge the need of efficacy to be stronger than the need for relaxation and comfort?

This post seems to serve my need of immediate comfort by procrastination of doing my taxes 💷 but it always serves my need of understanding to verbalise here and solicit wisdom 💡 from you guys 😅

Observation-Feeling-Needs-Request

Exploration

However, I have come to recognise that part of me that wants to say "No I won't and you can't make me"

I recognise and appreciate the determination and persistence that it brings to a situation.

For me, it is the part that longs for freedom, choice and autonomy so that I get to decide what I do and when and how.

(and I'd relate it to parenting that didn't see that I needed to develop my autonomy and independence ...)

So, do you feel a sense of rage at external demands being made on you?

Is there maybe some anger that this act of rebellion is expressing?

Was it the best option as a child that enabled you to resist and express frustration indirectly because saying fuck you or being directly angry wasn't going to be welcomed ??

I have heard “No, I won’t and you can’t make me” from others dealing with the issue of procrastination.

It seems tragic to me - in the sense that it is an attempt to assert autonomy but involves reacting against whatever is perceived as being imposed. So the result actually doesn't express the personal choice and autonomy.

All of this originated as a child I guess when the options and agency, potency and resources were limited.

Now in 2020 it is possible to do the work to uncover all this and act with increasing autonomy - sometimes !!

Oh, and are the strategies that you use with yourself to try to get yourself to do things backfiring in exactly the same way that authority figures failed to get you to do things in the past ?

If you relate to that stuff - then do you also notice that you may feel okay if you are trying to do something about it, even if it isn't making a difference ??

It's like 'if I try hard then I am beyond criticism because I'm clearly trying hard and so and so I get left alone ?' (How to ensure teachers focus on other people ??!!)

To playfully engage with the rebellious child part of us can be a way forward, to express the anger directly instead of indirectly ..

(ideas from a book 'personality adaptations' by Vann Joines and Ian Stewart Transactional analysis.)

I wouldn't bother getting a copy and reading it though, it might help you reduce your procrastination and we wouldn't want that now would we ??!!

Procrastination is a deep topic It would be almost impossible to begin unpacking it with the short amount of text you have shared. You are welcome to bring this to my empathy call later today (scroll down in NVCa for the details)

Procrastination is a judgment to me, rephrasing in NVC need could be a need for rest for exemple.

Now maybe there is also something about what you shared : it’s not just that you don’t do your taxes because you want to rest, you may actually do something else instead, maybe something more fun? And guess what, “play” (and therefore fun) is a need too 😉

I like the exemple you use ie changing the “I should” with “I choose”. What about reversing the phrase? Ie “I choose not to do my accounting because......”

And see what unfold from there. The first things that may come out may be pure jackal and that’s ok, play with him and see where it takes you. You may uncover some needs which are, in the moment, more important for you than justice and self efficacy.

Another way I can see it is : what paying taxes brings into your life? I know it sounds silly at first, but remember, Marshall Rosenberg decided for 8 years or so to give away his money to charities so he could decide how his money was used, and become “untaxable”. That meant too that he had very few money left for his daily life...

So, why do you pay taxes? Or why do you prefer paying taxes than not? What does it brings in your life that make it more wonderful ? Cause paying taxes is a choice as Marshall Rosenberg demonstrate it...

I’m wondering if a part of you is saying no ?

As either seeing it as a demand or maybe you have a need for something else which is unmet maybe the unmet need might need some work to move forward to this need that you may be stuck with

Sometimes, procrastination can be a (not very helpful) strategy to calm anxiety — that is, to meet the need for peace. This also seems to happen when a person holds very high standards for themself and judges themself adversely when they don’t meet the standards. A person can anticipate that anxiety and not want even to start

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/your-protest-is-your-secret-guidance-system

maybe this is relevant but maybe not - if you read it I'd be interested to hear what you think - but you choose, you're the boss.

My takeaway -

Am I willing to embrace my NO (Nourishing Opposite?

Am I willing to empathise with the Protest?

Are you willing to share your takeaway?

for me, calling what I sometimes do 'a protest' reminds me that what I do has an important function, there's a reason behind it and i connect more thoroughly with myself as a result.

Compared to any of these 'You're just making a fuss over nothing, you're just being difficult now on purpose, you just need to get over it - and quickly, there's no reason for that sort of behaviour around here' !!

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