pulchralilium

[pulchralilium]

His gaze prompts her lips to lift into a tentative smile, feeling for the first time a spark of joy. To know that Cloud did not resent her, that he wouldn’t try to force her away. He’d respect her decision to stay, and if push came to shove she was sure he’d back her up when they told the others. Glancing down at his hand, she wondered what life would be like for them after this. “We’ll figure it out together” She tilted her head back to view his entire face. A promise shining in her eyes. 

They would need one another, especially now. “We have a few more weeks before we can actually tell anyone” She added, a yawn passing her lips as she turned into his side to cuddle. It would be a lot easier to keep the secret with Cloud’s help. Keeping it from him had been difficult, but at least now they really didn’t have any more secrets between them. "At least you don't have to face my mom right away" Aerith teased softly, feeling her eyes grow heavy.

There were good and bad points to the whole ordeal.She wondered how Barret and Tifa and the gang would take the news. How her mom would. Most of all, Aerith wondered what kind of life they'd live after this. How they'd find a normal routine, or home when the dust settled.

Nuzzling into the blankets, she sighed softly. The weight of the secret gone, she didn't feel on edge anymore. In fact, she might actually get some good sleep tonight. Between the bed, and Cloud, it all was...safe.  

It was good to have a bed again after camping out for the last week. The sheets were soft, not scratchy, and the mattress as well as the pillows were comfortable. Maybe, just maybe Cloud could get proper sleep tonight. It wasn't long before Aerith was cuddling up to him again when he reclined from his sitting position and head hit pillow. His right arm wound around her once she had settled herself comfortably into his side while its counterpart draped across his torso. Exhaustion was beginning to settle in and it felt as though it went bone-deep.

They had no idea what the future held but determination kept them moving forward—along with all of the hope and strength that could be mustered. "Shouldn't be long now, before we find him and finish this," he said quietly, as if speaking any louder would disturb the sanctity they had claimed. Cloud could feel his presence... Feel that pull. As much as his mind urged him to move in the opposite direction, the cells in his body demanded that fated reunion and it was becoming more difficult to resist.

He pulled out of his thoughts rather abruptly when she touched him. Took the hand that had been laying idle across his ribs and guided it to rest against her abdomen. It was still flat of course, given she was only a couple of weeks along at most, and it was soft under his touch when he curiously (and very gently) pressed his fingers there. Cloud had no clue just how tiny the embryo was at this stage but he would visit a bookstore at one point for some material to education himself a little more on its development. Parenting books would surely help him along.

He was inquisitive by nature despite his reserved demeanor and this quality tended to surface more when he was around Aerith. A soft, somewhat timid chuckle came from him as he focused on where his hand had been placed. He moved it after a few seconds had passed, rubbing over her abdomen with his fingers brushing her shirt up just a little. Blue eyes shyly lifted to Aerith's face as his hand stilled again but stayed as it was. They were allowed to be happy, weren't they? To treasure this for the blessing that it was. Life didn't have to be all pain, fear and turmoil. It could be happiness, joy and love, too.

To make it all worthwhile.

#hisreunion

[pulchralilium]

Fate was odd, Aerith decided. That Cloud would find her again, selling flowers like their first meeting. Her gaze steadied on him, watching as he seemed to disappear into his memories. Even with him sharing the story, it felt like a far away retelling of her life. Aerith could see them meeting like that, but it didn’t feel like the memory was hers.

“You fell through the roof?” Aerith covered her face when she nearly laughed, the smile warming her features. “I guess I’ve always had a thing for flowers, huh? What an odd way to meet one another, twice apparently.” Her features fell slightly at his question. “I…don’t.” She began, her tone softening. “It’s like…watching them through a foggy mirror, it all sounds…so familiar but I can’t quite…grasp them” Aerith dropped her gaze to the fire, wondering if it was easier to focus on that then the situation.

“It’s unfair, isn’t it…you’re the only person I can ask about my past and…it feels so painful to make you relive those moments.” At least that was how she felt, like it was cruel for her to inquire about their history. "I'm sorry"

They traveled toward the Temple of Ancients first, or rather, the Cetra Temple, but stopped to make camp before reaching the site. That was probably better. There were a lot of memories at the temple. Hopefully for Aerith, but Cloud wasn't sure he wanted her first memories that returned to be that moment when Sephiroth took control of him. It was as if he'd shut down and the voice inside him had been unable to reach him. Just a puppet on strings...

Aerith's question broke his reverie. His gaze briefly flickered in her direction before focusing on the fire, as if he was seeing something in it.

"We met in Midgar, in Sector 8. You were selling flowers and I bought one." He could almost see the yellow petals and the way she held its stem as she offered the flower to him. Cloud tore his mind from the memory to look at Aerith beside him, wondering if she'd ever remember it too.

"I didn't get your name at the time, but we met again at the Sector 5 church. I fell through the roof and landed in your flowers." He hesitated before asking, "Do...you remember any of it?"

#soulcluster

[pulchralilium]

Aerith lifted her eyes upwards, watching as Cloud sorted through his emotions. Maybe she had shared too much, something she hadn’t thought was possible. She shut that thought down quickly, if Cloud hadn’t wanted to know then he wouldn’t of asked. Shifting slightly, she released his hand to turn into his side. Cuddling up as closely as she possibly could. It was easier to feel at ease when touching him, when she could physically feel him there with her. 

“Nope. Not a chance. You think I’m any safer in the city than I am with you?” She peaked up at him, offering him a similar half-hearted smile. Somewhere, they both must know a sliver of the truth. If Aerith needed to attempt to summon Holy again…or do anything remotely dangerous, Cloud would be too far away to stop or save her. She gathered that he wouldn’t be too fond of that idea either. 

“I’d be putting mom and Marlene at risk if I go back” She tacks on, watching as Cloud rubbed over his eyes. When he leaned down, seemingly clocking that her brows her knit in worry; he presses a kiss to her forehead. One day at a time felt like a lot of work, but it was the only way out. The only what through this entirely. Smiling softly at his promise, Aerith gave a faint nod before he’s pressing another kiss to her temple. “I know “She admitted softly, “Doesn’t mean I like the idea of you putting yourself in danger for me us” As if debating herself, she draws his hand to her lower stomach. "You won't be able to feel it for a few more months, but you should say hello"  

Cloud was able to pick up on the indications quite quickly because of how much closer they were now. They talked at length every day, shared their thoughts more openly with each other. Then there was the fact they were sharing space since becoming a couple and little escaped his notice when it came to Aerith. As he listened to her share how she felt, the more Cloud came to terms with just how much this would change things and the inevitability of it was... a lot to take in. Once Sephiroth was put down for good then they'd have to watch out for ShinRa, in case they tried to take Aerith again. Yeah, well, over his dead body. She was a person, not some property they could claim.

A sudden surge of protectiveness passed over Cloud, making his jaw tense for a few seconds before he relaxed again. It could very well be that paternal instinct kicking in but he wasn't realizing it in the moment. After all, he'd been protecting Aerith since the day they met... Except now that was amplified. Mako-imbued eyes focused on the placement of her hand. This was as real as it got. A thought crossed his mind: she would be safer at home, with Elmyra, far away from all of this. But Aerith would refuse such an idea, he knew. She would want to stay with him and their friends to finish what they started. The hand not in hers lifted to rub against his face as he sighed.

"Don't suppose I could talk you into going back home, can I?" he said then gave her a half-hearted smile.

Fingers were rubbed over his eyes as one might do while feeling stressed before he dropped his hand and looked down at her. He was still guilty about leaving like he did but he truly hadn't been in the right state of mind. That on top of how close Sephiroth had come to killing her had pushed Cloud to a breaking point. His mind had just... snapped? Either way, his departure led to more pain in the end despite his effort to avoid it. The others were more willing to forgive but Cloud had hurt Aerith very deeply and that kind of hurt did not fade so easily. She could be mad at him for that but he couldn't find it in himself to be mad about her choice to go to the altar on her own.

"Hey..." The merc leaned down to press his lips to her forehead. "One day at a time, okay? We'll make it... We'll be fine."

He needed to convince himself of that, too. "ShinRa and Hojo are never going to take you because I won't let them," he whispered, kissing her forehead once more.

#hisreunion

[pulchralilium]

🐝  *  ―  𝑺𝑷𝑰𝑹𝑰𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑨𝑾𝑨𝒀 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  we'll just have to make do.  ❜ ❛  come on, it'll be fun.  ❜ ❛  wait, where are we going?  ❜ ❛  you can't be here. go now!  ❜ ❛  it's just a dream, a stupid dream.  ❜ ❛  don't be afraid. i'm a friend.  ❜ ❛  i can't stand up. what should i do?  ❜ ❛  now listen, i'l tell you what to do. if you stay here, they'll find you. i'll distract them while you get away.  ❜ ❛  you have no choice if you want to survive here ... and save your parents, too.  ❜ ❛  why do i need a weakling like you?  ❜ ❛  trembling, aren't you? still, i'm impressed you made it this far.  ❜ ❛  what a pain. you're gonna pay for this.  ❜ ❛  keep your wits about you. if you need anything, ask me.  ❜ ❛  hey, are you okay? don't fall apart on me.  ❜ ❛  listen to me. i'll promise i'll save you.  ❜ ❛  what did you expect after all that rain?  ❜ ❛  i'm gonna get there someday. i'll get out of here for sure.  ❜ ❛  i was just coming to wake you up, look!  ❜ ❛  what should i do? he'll die!  ❜ ❛  what's so funny? wipe off that smile.  ❜ ❛  don't do anything stupid until i get down there.  ❜ ❛  you see, someone i really care about is badly hurt. i've got to go right now.  ❜ ❛  this is our little secret. if you tell anyone ... i'll do the same to you.  ❜ ❛  what are you going to do? he needs help.  ❜ ❛  becoming a sorcerer's apprentice is dangerous business.  ❜ ❛  well, getting there is one thing. getting back's the problem.  ❜ ❛  [name], i promise i'll be back. please don't die.  ❜ ❛  don't you understand? it's love.  ❜ ❛  what took you so long? this is a total disaster!  ❜ ❛  what do you want? you can tell me.  ❜ ❛  what, you're still alive?  ❜ ❛  you still don't see it? she's played a trick on you.  ❜ ❛  since when do you talk that way?  ❜ ❛  you held this, and nothing happened to you?  ❜ ❛  i'd like to help you, but there's nothing i can do. it's one of our rules here.  ❜ ❛  but can't you even give me a hint?  ❜ ❛  everything that happens stays inside you ... even if you can't remember it.  ❜ ❛  see? you have a talent for this.  ❜ ❛  [name], i no longer blame you for what you did. but be sure to protect this girl.  ❜ ❛  will we meet again somewhere?  ❜

[pulchralilium]

If he was suspicious, she wondered if their companions were. Aerith was not exactly ready to share the news with everyone, although there would be a time when it would be necessary. Aerith shifted when Cloud did, but her gaze remained frozen on the ceiling. In all honesty, her head was a mess. Usually she was the level-headed, wise one in the situations...but right now, she was a whirlwind of anxiety and the unknown. it wasn't ideal, and she wasn't upset, but...what was the path forward for them now? How much would need to change?

"Oh" She hummed softly when Cloud inquired about herself, and even briefly thinking about it made her feel strange. "I want to be happy" She sighed softly, her free hand pressing against her lower stomach. "But...how? When everything is happening, when we need to keep traveling. . . and I'm not just worried about Sephiroth. If we succeed, I'm scared about ShinRa, and Hojo. . ." She visibly flinched at the mention of his name.

Would they need to stay out of the city? Away from places they could try to come after her? Aerith sighed again, her head shaking. "Something that should be...happy, just fills me with anxiety. And regret, and about a thousand other things." She lifts her gaze to him, "And...worried that if you disappear again, and I'll be alone like my mom"

Cloud went quiet. Then the gut-wrenching thought occurred: Aerith knew when she went off on her own to summon Holy. He expected this to bring back the pain and guilt but instead, he was swept up in a flood of relief. It was after he surfaced to find solid ground again, gathering himself with a deep exhale while closing his eyes, that the maelstrom of feelings that had been eating away at him since were finally let go of. He no longer wanted to bear that weight. Fighting fate was sort of their thing, wasn't it? Maybe fate had intended for her to die until Cloud rushed in, sword raised with steeled determination as he thought, 'there's no way you're taking her' before unleashing his own brand of hell upon Sephiroth. That battle was won for now though more obstacles and challenges lay ahead.

"But you did actually tell me," he said softly. "You said it was a possibility and I... I think deep down I knew." It honestly did not come as a surprise, given how they spent that first night in the tent together. Maybe it wasn't that night that it happened but some time afterward—it would probably be impossible to determine exactly when. Not that it mattered much. "You've been more tired lately," he pointed out, slowly situating himself to sit upright against the headboard but not letting go of her hand. "I can tell you haven't been feeling well either. I... guess that kind of confirmed it for me." The timing couldn't have been worse but he wasn't about to say so. Aerith didn't need to feel even more guilty, especially when she had no reason to feel that way in the first place. No reason whatsoever.

Cloud looked at her for a long moment then asked, "How are you feeling about this...?" He wanted to know Aerith's feelings (and thoughts) because he cared deeply about her. Even if those feelings included resentment of him for leaving... or for this.

#hisreunion

[pulchralilium]

Aerith had lost track now that the days blended together. Her thoughts often drifted back to her leaving, the away Cloud spoke feeling so very...sincere. 'Aerith is very important to me..and our friends' It made her stomach twist, like a secret waiting to be shared. Something in his words leaving an impact she couldn't quite pace. Going off that demeanor, maybe Cloud didn't share his feelings. Did some subconscious part of her like knowing she was important to people? To him?

Then he mentioned that he practically rushed her on the rumor it might be her. Her quiet life had taken a turn, and suddenly she was left wondering w h y he felt so...strongly. Why didn't any one else come? On the off chance it would be false? Was he scared of disappointing them? Depositing the firewood for the evening, Aerith flickered her gaze back to their destination. It felt...ominous, and something like fear carved its way into her stomach.

Settling next to the fire, she tugged at her hair anxiously. "Sooooo Cloud....Um...you know, I'm a little curious...How did we meet?"

For a moment, he was reminded of his first visit to Elmyra, saving Aerith from the Turk at the church and taking her home to Sector 5. Being introduced to her mother, being asked to leave.

This is Cloud. My bodyguard.

At least that much hadn't changed.

He nodded toward her friend, unsure of what else to say, but then spoke up. "Thank you for helping her. Aerith is...very important to me...and our friends." He tacked on the last part, because although it was true he also didn't want to imply anything too soon to Aerith about his feelings. Not until she was ready.

Aerith returned to his side with her things, as few as they were. Her question surprised him but he answered confidently, his gaze meeting hers. "Of course. Aerith, I came here for you as soon as I heard the rumor." Again, his feelings coming through. He looked to the side. "We've all missed you."

#soulcluster

[pulchralilium]

Her gaze flickers away when he confirms his thoughts, and she gives a small nod. "Yeah..." She mumbles, her gaze finding his again when his hand reaches her face. Cloud's lips softened, and the nerves she felt seemed so far away when he looked at her like that.

"Cloud" Softly, as if she didn't quite hear him. Aerith knew he meant it, knew that no matter what would happen in the next few months he'd be there to protect her, to help her. Exactly what she had done for him, what they'd do for one another the rest of their lives.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner" It had been a lot to process at once, especially considering everything they had going on. Brining it up beforehand seemed to be asking for trouble. Not to mention that Cloud probably would have done anything to stop her going to the alter. Not that she blamed him, if he hadn't been there then what could of happened would of been so much worse.

This whole conversation had started with him voicing his concern for her well-being. He'd told her that he didn't just worry about her but about the baby as well... Before he had any confirmation of the pregnancy, before he even had time to process let alone give real thought to what bringing a child into the world even meant. The weight of it had not settled upon Cloud and yet, he seemed to accept the probability without expressing any measure of apprehension or dismay. All things considered, he still acted with the same calm and cool demeanor he always did even as Aerith was uncharacteristically riddled with anxiety.

The stress, the worry was getting to her and he could see this. Her recent body language spoke volumes as did her tears. And Cloud noticed everything. His attention was almost always on Aerith—whether being stolen by or happily given to her. So as he stared into her eyes upon receiving confirmation what he already sensed to be true deep down, Cloud simply murmured, "You knew all this time..." He did not ask whether she was absolutely certain because she knew her own body best, didn't she? Before it was the question of 'How can we know for sure?' and now it was 'What comes next for us?'

The hand on her hip rose, thumb coming to brush against her face in a gentle caress. His eyes searched hers for a moment before he offered her the softest of smiles. "I'm here for you... the both of you." A promise he would keep.

#hisreunion

[pulchralilium]

“I know” Her voice is quiet for a moment, her thoughts drawing back to the moment at the alter. Close felt like an understatement. The clang of metal was still something of nightmares, and she can only imagine how Cloud felt having seen it firsthand. Her gaze draws up to his face, softening when she can still see the lingering effects in his eyes. Her chest ached when he spoke, and she realized without a doubt it was true. 

When had she become his greatest weakness?

And had Sephiroth figured that out?

“Cloud” She turned more, his hand still on her hip when she faces him. It wouldn’t just be her that he lost, that he had to worry about. Cloud deserved to know, Aerith knew that. Admitting it however, was more difficult than she realized. Would Cloud connect the dots? Aerith had known approaching the alter, the closest she’s been to her heritage, her powers. She’d still gone, still kneeled in hopes of preventing the outcome Sephiroth desired. Lucky that Cloud had snapped out of it enough to follow her, save her. 

Aerith knew Cloud as a fierce fighter, but that day had been on another level. She’d never seen him so vicious, so determined. The aftermath had feel like the planet shifted. The shiny, newly pink healed scars reminded her of that fight. Aerith had never considered that Cloud would leave, and when he did it had left her blindsided with pain. Guilt. 

Would he have left knowing she was carrying his child?

Studying his features for a moment, she swallowed the anxiety rising in her throat. 

“I’m pregnant” 

She'd told him that if loving her became too much that he could lean on her. And he had, back when he was recovering from his wounds. Hating the needle that stitched him up, fearing the other needle that would inject him with strong painkillers that made him act more erratic than help him to relax. It was emotionally overwhelming to process just how close to losing her he'd been. He hadn't even realized he was crying at the time as she crawled into the bed to tenderly (and carefully) hold him. He let himself cry into her chest for what felt like an hour until the meds kicked in and he knocked out. It was something he never brought up afterward but he was grateful.

Everything from him literally crawling after her in the forest, making it to the altar with barely a second to spare, followed by the fight with Sephiroth that left him bleeding out... Cloud had reached his breaking point. But she'd been there to hold him together as he fell apart. Leaving felt like the only option—to find Sephiroth and put an end to it all without putting Aerith and the others at risk again. He acted impulsively rather than rationally and ended up hurting Aerith anyway. Damn, his head hurt. It was like having a pounding headache that only let up for short periods of time. There was no true relief... Not when he was so close to reaching Sephiroth.

Soft and slender digits tangled with his once more. He opened his eyes upon feeling her shift to lie on her back. Now they would have a clear view of each other, her arm pressing against his chest while his free hand drifted to settle on her hip. "I wasn't thinking clearly. At all. I was so... afraid. It really shook me how close he came to you." He put everything he had into that fight, using every ounce of strength to protect her, to draw Sephiroth's attention to him. Eventually he would tell her about Zack but... not now. "Aerith..." Cloud swallowed thickly. "My greatest fear isn't him, not anymore. It's losing you that terrifies me the most."

Little did he realize that he would have lost not just Aerith but something very precious as well had Sephiroth descended upon her before the merc could come to her rescue.

#hisreunion

[pulchralilium]

This is a shameless mun post bc I saw Hozier last night who is literally one of my top artists and I planned my outfit months in advance so everyone has to suffer me. I also was wearing so much glitter everywhere and it is a CRIME that no one can see how much glitter was on my chest and face and arms. And you can't see my shoes : (

#;mun things

[pulchralilium]

The touch he offers her is like an anchor for her emotions. A base where she can remember that no matter what, they’ll figure things out. Aerith inhales softly when he presses a kiss to her shoulder, a shuddering exhale when she nods her head in acknowledgement. No more apologies. It was easier said than done in the moment, but she’d do it for him. There were few things that would be able to pull them apart, least of all this. Her eyes shut, focusing on her breathing for a small moment. They would be fine. It would fine. It was just going to be very, very complicated all around when she finally comes clean. 

“I didn’t thank you” She mumbles in response, her cheeks warming. He had made it in time, but had come so very close to not making it. Aerith shivered at the thought, her hand wiggling out of his without much thought to it. "For saving me" She rested it on her lower abdomen, her thoughts swirling the drain. Aerith pushed through it, knowing if she didn't speak on it now she'd lose her nerve. "For coming for me. You always do. Even before all of this between us. You did in the trainyard too" Cloud always came, even when she had told him she'd be back in the forest. Left. She had done what had felt paramount in the moment, what felt like the path she was supposed to traverse. Aerith hadn’t been able to consider the alternative, even with the knowledge of her pregnancy. Not that Cloud knew it, she hadn’t even fessed up and he’s skirted around the topic. Admitting it to him would make it real. Make all of it so very real. Nearly dying had made it feel real.

The tone in which he says her name draws her attention, her gaze briefly flicking over her shoulder before resettling in front of them. Her voice was quieter, a nod given alongside it. “I know” She mumbled, they had both agreed. It seemed like Cloud wouldn’t let her blame herself in the matter. Deep in her stomach, she knew he didn’t need to shoulder the blame either. Her hand reached back for his, squeezing it once she found his fingers. “I know you were doing what you thought was right" A soft sigh, twisting finally to face him. "I don't want to lose you"

"Hey, hey... No more apologies, alright?" Cloud huffed against her shoulder before laying a lingering kiss there. He adjusted his grip but not so tight as to prevent her hand from slipping away, if she wanted to break the contact in favor of touching elsewhere. They'd held hands many times before they ever even kissed; it always spoke of their feelings loudly and clearly when words fell flat. He'd never heard Aerith sound so... uncertain. Frightened, even. She was sunshine personified, the positive and chipper member of the group who rarely let anything get her down. But tonight she'd been very upset with him and their overall situation and so far, he had little success with putting her worries to rest.

She was always the one who was wise beyond her years, providing insight and listening to others with rapt attention. But now... now it was like a role reversal had transpired without him having realized it up until this moment. He was the one looking for that silver lining while she was seeking reassurance and comfort. Cloud, too, felt like it was easier to talk without them looking at each other. "If you are then... you should take care of yourself," he told her gently but not unkindly. She couldn't push herself too hard, like she had at the temple. This, however, was unbeknownst to him due to their group being separated at the time. After hearing what she had to say, Cloud would surprisingly defend her actions.

"You did what you felt was right by going to the altar. I couldn't be trusted to go with you, not with how strong Sephiroth's influence became. I really wished you'd been able to trust me but I made it in time and... and that's all that matters." The mere thought of how close he had gotten to losing Aerith was enough to choke him up so he wasn't ready to discuss that just yet. Him bleeding all over the altar after facing off against Sephiroth that last time then having to be taken away in a hurry to the plane by Vincent had been a shock to everyone's system, surely. His wounds were healed now though—reduced to healthy, pink scar tissue. They served as a permanent reminder of that fateful day.

"Aerith—" Cloud was coming to her defence again. "You didn't," he assured with a firmness in his voice that left no room for her to refute. "You didn't trick me or trap me. That was a mutual choice we made so don't blame yourself." They were equal parts responsible for the outcome. He didn't breathe for several seconds after what she said next and when he finally released that breath, Cloud let it out in the form of a sigh that was filled with shame and regret. He closed his eyes and his limbs were heavier all of a sudden. He thought by leaving he would protect her and the others from his increasingly detached and violent behavior under Sephiroth's influence but wound up losing himself in the process.

He only made it so far before it happened. And it was all too painfully familiar for Tifa to see him in such a state once again. Without Aerith and his friends, what did Cloud really have? "I'm sorry I hurt you like that," was all he could say. How could he have hurt her so deeply?

#hisreunion

[pulchralilium]

Aerith is hyper aware the second he steps into their room. Within a few minutes the bed is sinking as he slips in, curling himself around her. Aerith doesn’t resist, she finds too much comfort in his arms to pull herself away. His fingers lace between hers, and she gives him a gentle squeeze. The tension in her shoulders eases, and as she exhales a soft “I love you too” is breathed. Aerith didn’t need to second guess that, even if they were at odds. The silence fills between them again, and she flexes her hand in his. “I’m sorry” Again, feeling as if the first apology wasn’t enough. 

Nibbling at her bottom lip, Aerith felt her anxiety beginning to pool in her stomach. “Cloud” She’d never felt so anxious in her life. “If…If I was pregnant then what?” She has to ask it out loud, as if hearing will somehow give her the answer. “I have all these what-ifs in my head and I don’t…know?” It was so much easier without looking at him, to see whatever emotion he felt flicker in his eyes. “What if you hadn’t saved me?” Sometimes it haunted her, other days she felt like she had her destiny stolen from her. “And then I feel guilty. Reckless. Stupid” That was one that stuck, how selfish she had been in this. “And when I look at you I feel like I’ve…tricked you, or trapped you. I should of been more responsible? And then everything just kept happening, and then you left and I felt alone again” A tremble to her voice, and she turns her face more into the pillow. “You ripped my heart out” And she still didn’t know how to make that hurt better, to not worry that she’d wake up and he’d be gone. 

He hadn't just left her though. He had abandoned everyone. Her throat tightened, and Aerith forced herself to breathe just so Cloud would fuss over her again. Even though in her current state he had every reason too. How would she tell him that at least some of these 'what-ifs' weren't just fiction, that they were a very real thing.

Cloud paused to consider his answer then replied softly, "I won't be long." He just... needed a few minutes to himself. To try and clear his head. He was a damn mess, not knowing how to cope with his feelings about what happened while trying to keep his head on straight after that mental breakdown that had left him like one of those robed men. Lumbering forth and following that pull toward Sephiroth... Toward the reunion. If not for his friends, Cloud doubted he would have returned to himself. Then there was the fact he believed he was going through cellular degradation. Watching how Roche ended up, how he'd gone from damn-near crazy speed demon who lived for his next adrenaline rush to becoming another failed ShinRa experiment had effected Cloud more than he let on. Roche was an empty shell now... Would that happen to him?

He was pulled out of those dark and terrifying thoughts when he became aware of Tifa's presence. "Everything... okay?" she asked with hesitancy. He could hear the concern heavy in her voice. No. "Think it's all getting to me," he admitted. That much was true. But of course there was much more to it that he wasn't sharing. And Aerith hadn't confided in Tifa either, as far as he knew. The two women were close, in a way much different than him and Aerith were. He got to his feet with a sigh. "Should probably call it a night." He was a bit surprised when she suddenly pulled him into a hug but it was over before he could process it. She was respecting his need for space while being the kind and supportive friend she'd always been. "See you at breakfast?" she said with a smile he couldn't bring himself to return. He merely nodded, watched her walk away then headed toward the room he was sharing with Aerith that night.

In silence, the merc stepped into the room and locked the door behind him. He glanced over to his sword sitting in the corner where he left it after looking at Aerith—she was lying with her back to him but he could tell slumber hadn't claimed her yet. Getting proper sleep was elusive these days. His duffel sat on the floor at the foot of the bed and he dropped into a crouch to sift through it for some sleep wear. T-shirt and boxers. It was in the soft light of the bedside lamp that Cloud changed, using that time to think about what he could say to her. What could make this easier. Better. The mattress shifted under his weight as he got under the warm duvet. He shuffled close to where Aerith lay in the center and situated himself to become the big spoon. Her hair was carefully moved out of the way before his left arm curled around her middle and his right tucked under and then around her shoulders so it would cross over her chest.

His left hand sought out hers, fingers filling the spaces between then finally, his face found home where her neck met her shoulder. "I love you," he whispered shakily.

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She was hesitating to leave, a little surprised that Cloud wasn't joining her immediately. Then again, the last ten minutes felt like an hour of emotional strain. Even his acceptance of her apology felt off, and it only settled the anxiety further in her stomach. "Oh, okay" She offered quietly, stifling the frown that wanted to make an appearance on her face. "Should I wait up for you?" She wasn't sure what answer she expected, but given by the way Cloud was sitting she assumed he really had no intention of following her. She barely acknowledged the others, her gaze stuck to the floor as she slipped away into their room for the night. Aerith didn't even bother to start a fire, or consider it in the other fireplace. Her body sunk into the bed, shoes off as she curled into the center.

The chill of the sheets was a nice reprieve when she turned her face into the pillow to cry. Her body ached, actually everything ached. There were few things she thought could shake them, fewer that would drive a wedge between them. Cloud's absence had shaken her to her core, left her stumbling when she thought he'd be there to grab her hand. Now, she wasn't even sure how to approach the topic without it feeling like a betrayal. It was added to the seemingly growing list of topics they needed to discuss. Aerith never once considered that there would be a day she'd hesitate to tell Cloud anything. Now, it seemed like their list of secrets was growing by the minute. The biggest one, was his concern if she was with child.

She didn't need to guess or wait.

Somehow, she just knew.

Cloud couldn't say he fully understood why she hadn't visited a doctor yet, if only just for confirmation. They hadn't had a proper conversation about it but he suspected Aerith wasn't comfortable being in any type of medical environment after what she went through with ShinRa. That much he understood but... she had him, didn't she? He would protect her as he had all of this time. There was much to think about... and be angry at himself for. He couldn't blame her if she still resented him for leaving like he did (without warning) after what happened at the altar.

All that happened in the City of the Ancients was still being processed by the whole party. Cloud's arm slipped from around her as she rose to her feet and he continued to stare at the fire, watching the flames calmly lick at the wood. "It's okay," he said, very quietly, in response to the apology then lowered his head for a moment or two before lifting it again to look at her. She hadn't done anything wrong. But his own list of wrongs continued to grow longer. "I'll join you in a bit." His eyes settled back on the fire as he loosely looped his arms around his knees.

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She wasn't entirely sure what was worse, hearing Cloud say it out loud or the fear that he was right. Until they had any type of proof, they needed to err on the side of caution. Damp, dark lashes peak from her arm, a small sniffle given. "No" She mumbled, feeling a tad bit like a petulant child. If he asked her what she wanted, she would have no idea how to articulate it. "I just, I feel overwhelmed" And over tired, and emotional. "I shouldn't take it out on you"

Cloud had a point. She probably needed a good rest, but even admitting that outloud felt like another burden she was placing on him. Maybe it was from her near death experience, but it suddenly felt very real that they had other concerns aside from the glaring obvious. What would it mean if she was carrying a child? "I'm sorry" Fingertips swipe at under her eyes, ridding herself of any evidence that she had an outburst. Aerith pushed herself to stand, feeling the weight of the day on her body. "I'll go lay down"

Cloud realized his mistake too late. Aerith was crying—even more upset now rather than being comforted by him. She didn't even lift her head and just sniffled. "I didn't mean the others... when I said that," he explained with his gaze landing on Tifa and then flickering over to the rest of their friends (who were fortunately affording him and Aerith some privacy). He made it sound like it was some sort of burden to look out for Aerith when it couldn't be further from the truth. His hand briefly rubbed against her bicep. Slow and soothingly.

Leaning in closer, Cloud spoke very quietly, "It's not just you..." Here, he paused to swallow. The words that followed were nearly mumbled though were coherent enough for the brunette to catch. "—I care about the baby, too." The probable baby. The one they didn't know for certain even existed but acted in consideration of regardless. How could they not? It was what the merc meant when he'd said he had others to look out for aside from Aerith. Then he made a suggestion. "We can go to our room. Have you lie down a while and get some rest."

#hisreunion

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Artist By Ukanico

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★ 【つーあん】 「 FF7Rまとめ 」 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me! insta • x • bsky

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Continued from prompt @hisreunion

She knows he means well. Truly. She was fairly certain between the stress and exhaustion, she was over emotional. Which was why the second he whispered again to her did tears begin to well up in her eyes. Her knees are drawn to her chest, head tucked down in her arms. The last thing she needed was everyone to see her cry, and for them to ask why. 

“I know” She mumbled, fingertips digging into the fabric of her shirt deeper. Even when Cloud loosens a sigh, which she knows logically is not directed at her, she wants to sob harder. “I’m just tired" She mumbled, trying to sniffle away the tears that had popped out of her eyes. Cloud tucked his arm around her, and her body leans into him without removing her face from her arms. Aerith felt guilty. Even when it took the two of them to tumble into this mess, she was certainly feeling responsible. "I'm just always making you worry"  

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Prayer to the 🌏