quackels

[quackels]

I am at the Wonka Experience

[quackels]

You are the only human employee at a company staffed by a multitude of alien species. Your colleagues seem to be having a difficult time properly understanding who, or what, your guide dog is.

[quackels]

Everything capable of farts on Earth does so for a solid ten seconds, all at the same time

The Genie stared at you in disbelief, asking you why you would make such a foolish wish that affect so many people. You respond with a shrug and answer with “I just want to see what would happen.”

[quackels]

When extrademensional aliens invaded Earth to steal slaves for their empire, they unwittingly brought magic with them. Combat medics were first to discover it with the phrase, “You don’t have permission to die!”

[quackels]

You’re an atheist that used a time machine to prove Jesus Christ didn’t exists but instead you and him had a deep conversation in perfect English

[quackels]

Fucked up how humanity discovered electricity and radiation and made machines and learned to make airplanes and cured diseases and our takeaway isnt that "Some Magic Is Real And Here's Why", but that magic is fake this is big boy science and it's totally not magical

[quackels]

At the age of 16 all witches are assigned a familiar. You are excited for yours as you see your friends turn 16 and get theirs. Cats, Crows, spiders. You are devastated to find out that out your 16th birthday, your familiar is a 27 year old hipster named Frank.

[quackels]

You’re a dimension-hopper, who can walk through parallel worlds like turning a corner. The increasing number of apocalyptic Earths is really starting to bother you, though

[quackels]

@nathanwpyle

I literally love this.

I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.

No joke.

[quackels]

Today there is a solar eclipse set to cover the sun with 100% totality for a duration of 4 minutes, 28 seconds. However as time passes, the eclipse continues for 5 minutes, then 7, then 10. Half an hour passes but the moon has not moved and Earth remains in darkness

[quackels]

Your great-great-great grandfather was a vampire. However, the vampire genes are so diluted all it means is you’re mildly annoyed by crosses, are allergic to garlic, and get sunburned easily.

[quackels]

In a world of magic and dragons, everyone thought the healers needed to be protected. No offensive magic to speak of how could they protect them selfs? That’s what everyone thought. Until you proved you can actualy heal someone to death…

[quackels]

“I will give you the power you seek,” the Fae lady said, “but in exchange, I will take your firstborn child.” “Alright, so when do you want to meet my parents?” “Wait, what?” “When do you want to get married?” “Hold on, now…”

[quackels]

You, a heroic paladin have successfully slain a fearsome dragon. But the dragon warns you that death is but a door, and dragons don’t die, they reincarnate. You paid it no mind….until your son was born with golden, slitted eyes.

[quackels]

interesting fact i have titanium in my spine

[quackels]

Y'all, the world is sleeping on what NASA just pulled off with Voyager 1

The probe has been sending gibberish science data back to Earth, and scientists feared it was just the probe finally dying. You know, after working for 50 GODDAMN YEARS and LEAVING THE GODDAMN SOLAR SYSTEM and STILL CHURNING OUT GODDAMN DATA.

So they analyzed the gibberish and realized that in it was a total readout of EVERYTHING ON THE PROBE. Data, the programming, hardware specs and status, everything. They realized that one of the chips was malfunctioning.

So what do you do when your probe is 22 Billion km away and needs a fix? Why, you just REPROGRAM THAT ENTIRE GODDAMN THING. Told it to avoid the bad chip, store the data elsewhere.

Sent the new code on April 18th. Got a response on April 20th - yeah, it's so far away that it took that long just to transmit.

And the probe is working again.

From a programmer's perspective, that may be the most fucking impressive thing I have ever heard.

[quackels]

i will never ever forget the experience of pure and utter elation when technoblade joined the origins smp server unexpectedly and was dressed as a cute little bunny. never in my entire life am i going to experience the same joy again