raconteurish

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i bet crossing spears with someone to block entry into a location feels so fucking good

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Been playing the other funny robot game again, now that the servers appear to be working again! Yippee Been a while since I drew any of the titans! Scorch is my fav/main, easily Bonus Orb Friend:

#titanfall

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“what time is it” you ask, i pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce “it is cloudy”

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#promare

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Me: "Hey yeah, so I invited another high school friend over because they wanted to sell me on another pyramid scheme, so I spiked their coffee with like 40 tabs of acid and chased them around the house while singing that I was the devil and that the nightmare would never end."

Priest giving confessional: "Okay we don't normally tell people this, but that's actually a secret way to get into heaven."

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Who’s gonna tell them???

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just thought I'd post some of my recent sword art online

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The night is cool and balmy.

Your SECURITY GNOMES are raising an alarm.

> define 'balmy'

Balmy means "pleasantly warm."

Your stock of DICTIONARIES has decreased to 31.

Your SECURITY GNOMES report BANDIT ARTILLERY!

> observe night

The night is cool and balmy.

Your SECURITY GNOMES have entered COMBAT DELIRIUM.

> resolve temperature discrepancy

You haven't acquired enough THERMOMETERS to notice the discrepancy.

Your SECURITY GNOMES have activated the MEAT THRESHER.

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Soda was an effervescent corn-based drink that was popular during the height of the American Empire. Regionally known as pop or coke in some provinces, it was prepared by extracting corn sugars into a thick syrup to be mixed with water

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Utah is too dry and i can't find the way out!!! please let me out of utah!!!

Thanks for asking!

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i want to run away…but like in ghibli movie. like i take a block of cheese a loaf of bread and some apples and wander through the flower-specked mountains wrapped up in a shawl and i happen to wander into a moving castle and fall in love with a cute wizard

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Okay, so, uh, bad, uh, bad news. Bad bad news, we took the kid out of the Omelas hole, yeah. And it turns out that the reason that the utopia was contingent on keeping the kid suffering in the Omelas hole, is that, well, this is pretty awkward to say out loud, but it turns out that the kid really enjoyed suffering in the hole. He specifically enjoyed suffering, in holes and only suffering in holes. Yeah it was actually secretly one of those Aesop's about how utopia will inevitably be dependent on our ability to accept and accommodate lifestyle choices we don't understand. I mean he hasn't said anything, he's clearly trying to be gracious about it, but he's trying the sailing and horseriding and all the other boilerplate utopia shit and you can tell he's kind of just going through the motions, you can tell he really wants to be back in the hole, suffering. He's really hashing the vibe and now everyone is pissed at us

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What [car] would you build a time machine out of?

an old VW Beetle because it wouldn't look out of place literally anywhere

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Broke: an infinite superstructure that personally hates you

Joke: an infinite superstructure that is crushingly indifferent to you

Woke: an infinite superstructure that loves you so suffocatingly much, and will grind itself to dust to give you what it imagines you want

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when you download a pdf and it's called like 1328723486basdf12.pdf but then you gently rename it to what it's supposed to be. that's forming a bond with a hurt and wild mythological creature and reminding it who it is.