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I think I’m just not meant to have any good relationships

Everyone just keeps abandoning me in my darkest moments

Everything I try to do upsets everyone

I have no one to vent too

No help

No validation

Or even acknowledgment

I’m completely alone in this

I’ll die miserable I know it

I’m a failure

Failure as a person and a mother

Failure as a partner

Only thing I’m good for is being used and abused

There’s no comfort in anyone

No arms to hold me

No words to soothe me

I’ve never felt so unloved before

So ugly and useless

I can’t even be depressed in peace

DJ can’t see how sad I am…he can tell tho

Poor baby needs me and this pain is keeping the distance between us

I wish someone would love me right for once

I wish I could be happy without someone hurting me all the time

Why is it that when someone meets me they just want whatever they think they can get out of me

When will I meet someone who just accept me n chooses me only

I’m so ugly n broken

I’ll never be enough for you eddie

You’re already doin it again I know it

Why not just tell me?

I wish I could crawl into a hole

DJ deserves better parents….

Why am I suffering so god damn much

From yours n someone else’s choices

Why do I have to be in the middle of it all

I really don’t fucking matter

I’m so insignificant that yall really threw me under to be that way with each other

You paid her

Your 3 years n then some

Lying to me

My 5 years wasted begging for you

Loving you

Doing everything for you

Im worth dirt

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I don’t mean anything to you

You just like how I make you feel

Why stay around me if I’m not what you want

If my existence pisses you off

Go find someone better n leave me alone already

I wish someday someone would come along n save me

Love me….

I wanna feel like I’m worth something for once

I wish you never did what you did

Paying her of all people

You want her that bad

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I’m so pointless

Ask for bare minimum and it’s too much

Have needs n it’s too much

Just deserve to be a punching bag that’s all I’m good for

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I hate myself so much and for what??

Trying my best?? Why am I still even hear

Nobodies listening to me nobody cares about me

My mind and my heart are so fucking broken

Why do I even bother when everything I do feels like a mistake

You are already cheating I know it

I wish I was loved for who I am

I wish I was accepted for who I am

I want to hurt myself so badly but I’m not the one who deserves to be punished

I wish my prayers could finally be answered and I could meet someone who’ll make it better n I won’t have to be scared or hurt anymore

I could just be happy

Be a wife

Be in a healthy happy home

But I fear that what I want doesn’t exist because it’s too perfect…

I don’t want to be hurt and afraid anymore

I don’t want to pretend it’s all okay

I feel so abandoned and ugly as hell

I feel so undesired and disgusting

I’m trash I’m so easily thrown away

She gets you

You saw all of her n I’m left with nothing but a shell of myself and you….someone I love and fear the most

I wish I could just disappear

If I died would it make a difference

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I wish I was worth loving

Why do people make me feel like I’m hard to love why do they want to use me?..

Why is that all I’m good for

People see I’m sad n I get ignored im too much for them

I wish I was enough

I’m scared all the time and I feel so incredibly ugly

I hate myself

I think I will I’ve n die miserable

That’s what I’m afraid of

I will remain unloved and lied too till I die

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I’m struggling with the thought of it all

Your confirmation

You said it and it’s true….but then you say you find me more attractive and different? You need me?

If that were true you wouldn’t have done what you did

Imagine being attracted to a complete whore

An extra dirty manipulative slut who ruins everything and everyone she touches

Maybe you’re right then

You deserve that kind of “love”

From someone not capable of it

You’re a disgrace to so many things…

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I know I’m being used again

I’m a body to you

We’re playing pretend

Anything to have “love” and attention

I’m not good for anything else

Just a place holder

…..what would happen if I told them?

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You’re not a bad sub if:

Edging isn’t for you.

Denial isn’t for you.

Pain isn’t for you.

Anal isn’t for you.

Oral isn’t for you.

You’re also not a bad sub if you need to safeword, if your limits are different today, if you have chronic conditions or mental health struggles that limit you more than you’d like.

There’s so many posts that talk about the “ways to be a good sub” and honestly there is no one way and it’s okay to do what’s right for you. You’re not a bad sub at all.

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“If people are consistent in one thing - it’s in hurting each other.”

— tumblr  -  Helaena C Moon  /  instagram  -  helaena.c.moon 

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Albert Camus, The Misunderstanding (1943)

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“My heart is filled with such sad questions, that I have no answer for. All of this stoney-cold year, it has been asking me… “Have I ever really been loved?””

— Helaena C Moon 

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when kafka said “all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding” and when richard siken said “if you love me, you don’t love me in a way I understand.”

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Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

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The Woman Destroyed; The Monolgue, Simone de Beauvoir

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“There are those who unfold in black chasms - Whose souls breathe for the nighttide hue - Whose hearts croon for the moon. And whose love has been fixed with a woebegone blue.”

— Helaena C Moon @ http://hapless-hollow.tumblr.com/ 

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You don’t care about me like I care about you and its making me lose my fucking mind

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Simone de Beauvoir, from a letter to Jean-Paul Sartre (Paris, Tuesday 12 September 1939)