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If you’re “Asexual” then you shouldn’t be making sex jokes

I make sex jokes because sex is a joke

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stop calling me a bad person just because im orchestrating your downfall 🙄

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What I would give to eat lunch with my friends in school and peel the sticker off my fruit and put it on their clothes and say "you cost 60 cents" or "you're a pear." I miss that.

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Bruh this coffee I bought is so good I'm so fuckin alert rn I could probably do a math problem

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ok very funny guys. you got me. now seriously who left all these neurotypicals in charge of the mental health field

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wait a second i gotta remind everyone that this is a real official token art in magic the gathering

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The worst part of human adulthood is being your own zookeeper

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My love language is demonstrating how well I know you by forwarding you shit that will annoy you terribly.

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I keep seeing posts that are like:

Person #1: *Meme about breaking news* Person #2: I can’t keep learning the news like this. Person #3: If you’re going to a circus, expect to see clowns.

But the thing is, sure, everyone on tumblr expects to see clowns.

What we don’t expect is for the clowns to do this:

And this has been the exact energy of this website for months.

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“fuck you my child is fine” ma’am your child was a pleasure to have in class

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how come you only become aware of how tipsy you are in bathrooms

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i know an engineer-type dude who said fiction bored him, because fiction is mostly-formulaic and tropey, and you can generally guess what’s gonna happen next, and yada yada

so his solution for this problem was… to solely read serial web novels in languages that (1) he did not speak, and (2) for which there was no actual translation, fan or otherwise

apparently, the combined forces of “trying to figure out WTF is going on via the power of Google Translate" + “cultural differences in storytelling conventions” + “the inherent randomness of where the hell amateur authors are gonna take their plots”—those all mashed up to make stories that were unpredictable enough to keep him guessing all the time

then he described to me this totally batshit-sounding Hungarian story he’d been obsessively reading once a week for years

and god i think about him all the time.  like.  that is the most wild way to process fiction that i have ever heard of, but also, i’ve gotta admire the sheer chaos energy of it