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How Volleyball Became my Safe Space, the title of this blog and a true statement. Volleyball is my safe space. When I’ve had an awful day but I get to go to practice, my day is instantly better. When I go awhile without volleyball something feels as if it’s missing. That truth is the reason I am not ready to say goodbye to the sport that has made me who I am and has become my safe space. I cannot picture my life without it and I know my life is better because of it. It will end someday, but I know I will never lose the joy that volleyball is to me. So, as I close out this blog, I hope these weekly posts have given you a little insight on what a sport can do for just a young teenage girl, working her way through a cruel world.

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As club volleyball is starting up, I start to look back. At all the clubs I’ve been apart of, all the coaches I’ve played for, and all the teammates I’ve encountered. Every single one of those people and places are apart of who I am and where I am now. I am playing volleyball for a very successful Division Two school and I could not be any happier about it. I have at least one thing that every coach has taught me. At least one memory each club has brought me. And hopefully, at least one picture with most teammates. Now, there are definitely people who have been more influential than others. As I think about not playing for my high school coach anymore, I am saddened because of the impact he has had on my life. There are teammates that I have played with for 5 years. All of this to say, I am thankful and appreciative for every person that has been apart of this long, long journey.

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So I wrote my senior speech for our banquet. It’s a hard thing to do. I didn’t know whether I should encourage, thank everyone, or guide the younger girls. So naturally, I did all three. I thanked everyone including my parents, coaches, and teammates. I then went on to thank my fellow seniors. I encouraged the underclassmen on how to lead. I wrote to JV to never lose the joy and fun of volleyball. I believe that I wrote a good speech and I hope I deliver it well. There is no possible way that I will make it through without crying. The girls, coaches, and the program as a whole mean so much to me. It is incredibly hard to step away, but I’m so thankful and excited for the next four years.

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It’s official!! I signed my National Letter of Intent to go to Anderson University. I signed on National Signing Day and it was great. There were 11 other athletes signing as well. All of my friends and close family came. I was also able to sit next to one of my fellow seniors and it was incredible. Her and I have become closer over the last year and I am incredibly glad that she was next to me. Her and I both felt immense support from everyone. Our coach was able to say a few words about us before signing. He mentioned how her and I were both instrumental in our success last season. He also described how Paige and I will be elevating the programs we are stepping into. I am thankful for Coach Piro and all of my time with River Bluff volleyball.

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Watching someone win the game you were supposed to be in hurts. Last night was the State Championship game that River Bluff should have played in. We deserved to be there. But, as I may have said before and I have repeated to myself over the last week, there is nothing we can do about it anymore. Our rivals made it to the game we should have been in. That part really sucks. When we know we should be there and they did not deserve to, it really stings. But it is one night, one game, one season, and it’s all over. I watched seniors that played in that game, go through the same hurt about the end of their career as I did. Selfishly, I thought they did not have a reason to cry, they played in the State Championship, and won, and were still crying. I also understand that the end of any career is a big deal. With that, I try my best to put my pride aside and be happy for other’s successes.

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It has now been a week and two days without volleyball. Now, I will be starting travel ball in less than a week but it still feels weird. Volleyball is such a constant in my life that at any point that I don’t have it, it feels as though something is missing. A break is always a good thing. While it may be best for my body and mind, it is not what I always want. There are practices and tournaments that I may not always be excited to go to, but I never wish that they did not exist. The time that I have put into the sport and the success that I have seen, makes every bit worth it. There are some things that will never change. Our loss, our season, the ending of my high school career, but there is always something for me to look ahead to. Right now, I will look forward at travel season. In the near future, I will look forward to my four years at Anderson University. From there, I don’t know what’s next. But I know there’s a plan and I will do all I can to stay on the path God has set out for me.

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Towards the end of the season I found out that I was approaching 1000 career kills. As the season closed, I came 4 short of 1000. That number, being so close and not making it, stings. Although, I said to my coaches and my parents, I am glad that I did not get to that number. If I had, I would have wanted to celebrate. But I would not be celebrating on the night of our loss. It would make the night about me and not me team. I couldn’t do that. Now, only 2 days after the match, I am still glad that I did not get to that number. I have had to learn and am still learning, to be selfless. This season was about my team and my coaches and the bond we had built. Not about how many kills I had accumulated. I am so thankful for my senior season and all that my team accomplished.

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Well, we did not win. I played my last high school volleyball this week. I ended my high school career. The emotions of that night will leak into the next chapters of my life probably for as long as I live. Yes, that sounds dramatic. But as volleyball became the essence of who I am, such a big chapter ending is a dramatic event. The loss was more than just a loss. It was the end of 8 player’s careers, the end of 12 other girl’s season. A season that was meant to go to the State Championship. After the match, our coaches received many emails, comments, and texts about how our team deserved to be in the championship, that we just got a bad drawl. This team had become more than players and coaches, but a family. There was not denying that we deserved more. But, there is not anything we can do about it anymore. We left our hearts on the court and that is all we can ask for. As for now, the next four years are looking quite exciting.

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Sickness is a weird thing. I wake up with a sore throat but sleep longer and it goes away. I go through the day, feeling fine, but then come home and feel even worse than the morning before. Sickness has weird timing too. It comes right when you’re in the heat of your schedule. I have potentially two important games this week, homecoming, and a college visit. If I tell myself I’m not sick, maybe I won’t be. I will not miss our games. Therefore, I must push through school and practice tomorrow to get to Tuesday’s game. If I don’t practice on Monday, I can’t play Tuesday and I will not be on the bench for a playoff game. I will push through this sickness and wake up feeling great tomorrow.

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So, we played our first playoff game. We won in three sets and are on to the second round. I’m not sure what I was feeling before the game. It wasn’t nerves, I knew we could beat them, it was something different. It was even different from last year’s run. Last year, we were cocky. We played thinking we were for sure going to win state, but we didn’t. This year, I know we can win State, but I know the competition is going to be insane. Last year was an easy route. With only one difficult game, our path wasn’t bad. This year, every single game has some kind of difficulty. Our hardest competition thus far will come Thursday. We will play a team we’ve played before, but still has a possibility to beat us. We are preparing for Tuesday’s game, but with our eyes ahead on Thursday, ready for a fight.

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We start first round of playoffs this Thursday. For the first time in my River Bluff career, we get to host a playoff game. There is something special about playing a game like playoffs at your home court. The crowd is amazing, the tension is high, and it’s a great atmosphere. First round has never been too difficult with being a Number 1 seed we always play a Number 4 seed. I never want to jinx anything, saying it is a breeze. We have to go into that game and get the job done.

We cannot slack off in playoffs. Our state and our division is too difficult to slack off at any point. If we go into one game not focused, we could lose, and I do not want to lose. Losing the State Championship last year was one of the most devastating things I have been through. My senior season will end differently. We are on our Road To State.

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This weekend we played in a tournament. The team all got to stay together and it was great. We all continued to bond after a long season together. The last tournament we went to, we also stayed together and that was a sort of turning point for our season. We all bonded and became comfortable with each other and trusted each other more and more. The coaches do things like this on purpose. Volleyball cannot be a functioning sport unless there is team chemistry. Not one person can hide themselves and the team cannot hide their weak link. Each and every person means something and it is such a fun thing to watch grow. I am so thankful for the people I have met through the sport and been able to play alongside. The end of a season is very bittersweet, going into a different type of season, with club, but leaving behind the bond you have already made in school volleyball.

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Our regular season only has one more week, and then that’s it, playoffs. Two more matches and my regular school season is over. That is sad but also exciting. Our whole season has been to prepare for playoffs, to get back to the State Championship.

It’s crazy how fast our season has gone, but I look back and think about some of the harder times. The gruesome preseason, the hardest practice I remember, the fun times staying with my teammates, each of these moments making an amazing season. I look back and think about how my team and I, as an individual have grown. I’m extremely excited about our chances in playoffs and I look forward to beginning that battle. Last season, we lost in the State Championship. This year, we hope for different results, and honestly, I believe we have a very good chance of getting those different results. Only time will tell.

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I’ve written a lot about volleyball, the different matches, the difficulties, the amazing moments, and I’ve mentioned the family aspect of my team. That family feeling was showcased even more this past week. One of the player’s father has pancreatic cancer. The cancer has gotten worse and it has been extremely sad to watch. So, with that knowledge, our team, students, and parents decided to rally around this family. We announced a purple out for our rival game, the color for pancreatic cancer. The parents purchased gift cards to give to the player’s mother, and the girls created a basket for the player. This match was amazing. The support that our school created was incredible and the love that was felt was truly amazing. Our player spoke multiple times about how thankful she was for every single one of us and the night that had been created. Family is a game changer for volleyball and I’m so thankful that River Bluff has embraced that idea.

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Volleyball should always be fun. There are moments that are harder than others and times that are more fun than others, but ultimately, we should always love what we are doing. With as much time as the sport takes, there has to be a good bit of fun to keep the girls coming back time and time again. While hard coaching and tough losses can keep us away from the things we love, if the true love is there, we always run back. Personally, I always run back. I have made a point to never say “I’m going to quit volleyball.” because there isn’t a need. I may have had a bad day or a bad game, but I will always run back to volleyball. The love I have for the game and the people, always pushes me past the hard moments. I have no doubt I will love college volleyball. After all, it’s just another level of volleyball.

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Tonight is Senior Night!! I am very excited but also kind of sad. It’s a super exciting time of life right now, senior year. Friends making college decisions, volleyball going well, and looking forward to Anderson, but it is also an emotional time. One amazing chapter, high school, is closing and another amazing chapter is opening, college. There are many things to look forward to but also many to feel sad about leaving. I have no doubt that I will cry tonight, but I also know I will not be alone. Many of my friends feel quite differently about college than I do. Most are ready to go now, a couple are enjoying the moments we are in, and others, myself included, are not ready for any of this to end. As I look forward, I see hope, happiness, and joy, but also loss, unfamiliarity and longing. For the moment, I will enjoy where I am at and focus on the people and places around me and look forward, at the future another time.

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This Thursday is my senior night. It’s crazy that it is already that time. At the beginning of the season, it was always so far away. But now it is less than a week. I can remember the moment after being told I was on varsity my freshman year, a totally different person. A different school, different friends, and a whole different personality. Senior night is going to be a very bittersweet night. I am sad about the chapter that is ending, but happy about the one that will begin soon. I am thankful for all of the coaches, teammates, and memories I have made through high school volleyball and I look forward to all the memories I will make during college volleyball.